tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-44652836164909740272024-03-13T21:29:34.602+08:00The Life and Testimony of Alicia Charis ChangCampbell and Linda Changhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04137455251581704782noreply@blogger.comBlogger121125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4465283616490974027.post-48389634540075269322016-12-23T15:28:00.000+08:002016-12-23T15:28:01.380+08:00At the End of 2016...Dear Family and Friends,<br />
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It's Linda. I have lots to share with you. I wish I can share more these daily and sacred moments but sometimes in the busy-ness of life, I would forget or had already moved onto the next task. It is literally God who is reminding me to blog right now. And to DO IT NOW.<br />
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God is wanting me to write because we need to update you all, but honestly, it's more for me to remember how far we have come this year (these years) and to just stop and relish. I am so thankful.<br />
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The girls have been blooming, thriving, growing, running, and I am amazed.<br />
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2016 marks a dramatic upturn in Alicia's vocal skills. I am overcome at Alicia's speech development. The daily repeating the same phrases have finally kicked in and she is talking more and more. She is still learning and sometimes her words sounds so mumbled and jumbled together that it takes the Holy Spirit to translate for me. But her speech is improving every day. As I reflect more, I found it's more me that God is working on... to teach me to slow down and to truly listen to her. She has a lot to say.<br />
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A few months ago, her speech therapist said to my dad who in turn shared with me that he was working with Alicia to speak 3 words in a row. The therapist said she still wasn't good at saying 3 words at a time. But I think I have heard her say more than just 3 words before. Then one day soon after that report, Alicia came home and pointed to the mess that Kaitlyn had left behind, and said "Meimei, 亂七八糟" (what a mess!)... I think I just counted her saying 6 words in a row!! I rejoiced!<br />
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Currently, Alicia is attending a special education class in a public kindergarten. Her teachers are wonderful blessings to us. We appreciate their perspective and attitude of teaching Alicia. And under their care, she goes to school with the biggest smile. That just brings such joy to my mama's heart. What a gift this school has been to us!<br />
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The biggest goal we are working with her right now is to prepare her to attend 1st grade next year. Right now, we have a few options of where to place her. Two main ones. One, is to keep her in the special education class where it is more isolated from mainstream students. She will be with two special ed teachers. Another option, is for her attend mainstream class and for specific subjects, a specialized teacher will pull her out for more one-on-one or smaller class setting to work with her. Right now, I am applying her to be in the second option. I am not going to sugar-coat it. It's a steep climb. She has to prepare to be even more independent. She has to work on her physical endurance and strength. She has to improve on speaking up even more and expressing herself and her needs.<br />
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In my meeting with her current teachers, they asked me what is the goal her father and I have for Alicia. I said for her to thrive well and be independent. For her to be the blessing she is, to the full potential that God has given her~ whatever that looks like. Alicia is normal. Her normal and her story isn't like what everyone else's but that is still normal. I don't want her to be isolated. I want her to see more of the world and I want the world to see her. Because her growth and potential will only increase if she walks out of her comfort zone and we all will be so blessed because of knowing her. But I have to be honest, there are so many times, I just want to hold her and protect her from whatever harm I may fear is out there in the world. Then God reminds me that He is holding her. I cannot and do not need to watch her 24 hrs a day. She is thriving and growing well.<br />
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Campbell often wisely reminds me that what I am doing for Alicia, I need to do for Kaitlyn. I will be honest; it's easier to look over KK only because it seems like it just comes so effortlessly for her. She's speaking more words every HOUR. She's curious, observant and brilliant. She loves going out. She still gets shy with people she doesn't know well but she has such an amazing memory. She would be talking to me about things that happened or places she has gone when she was a baby and couldn't talk yet. It is so incredible to me. Right now, she is learning how to play with Alicia. Her version of playing with her sister is to just take Alicia's things... which doesn't go well with Alicia. But they are making improvements; at least KK doesn't bite anymore... We are learning. KK also loves "cooking" and making me eat what she cooks. She likes to steal my makeup and lotions and which she would then stand in front of the mirror and put them on her face like she sees me doing. Kaitlyn is a feeler. Her laugh is contagious and the spirit of JOY is over her. I love hearing her laugh with Alicia and Alicia loves KK. She thinks KK is so funny. I quote my mom, "Kaitlyn 不會吃虧". Kaitlyn will not be denied. She goes for it. She gets want she wants. She says what she feels. So we are encouraging her strengths and teaching how to use her giftings well.<br />
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But Campbell is right. I have been praying a lot for these two girls. I ask God for wisdom to know how to pursue these girls' hearts. God told me that for the most part this past season has been so much about their physical needs. To make sure they eat, they sleep, they are clean... but now I sense there is a new season taking place in their lives... Now, it's more than just physical. It's about their mental, spiritual, emotional, social development. And I want to madly pursue their hearts and make sure they know how much they are loved as we are instructing and parenting them. This is so crucial. For Campbell and I, it's not just about raising them to do what is right. It's not about correcting their behaviors. It's about who they are. Do they know who they are? Do they know what is true? Do they know how to think for themselves? And all of that starts now. That knowing of who they are, what is true starts with knowing they are unconditionally, completely, wholly, loved.<br />
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So this is my 2016 lesson. Everything in my life that is worthy of my time takes my whole heart's intention. I am not going to figure out how to love well, parent well, manage my health, family, finances and future just by winging it. I need to be intentional. I commit myself to God. I ask Him for wisdom. Then I move into action. I seek and ask for wisdom. I ask questions and go find answers. I don't understand a lot so I need to find solutions.<br />
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Please keep praying with us:<br />
1. For Campbell and I to fully walk and run with the Holy Spirit as this new season starts. Our hearts are to position ourselves ready for whatever He calls us into.<br />
2. For Alicia to gain confidence in herself, in her skills. For her to continue to accelerate even more and faster. For her to encounter God in her sleep, during the day.<br />
3. For Kaitlyn to grow and prosper as a 2 year old, for her to know her Heavenly Father's heart.<br />
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There are more but as I write, I am losing track already! SO I am going to end this post for now and continue as the Lord leads.<br />
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LOVE and PEACE! Merry Christmas!!!Campbell and Linda Changhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04137455251581704782noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4465283616490974027.post-25953068074463101412016-06-10T01:16:00.002+08:002016-06-10T17:27:14.320+08:00Probably...Well, it's been over two years since our last post. Way too long. Linda and I were chatting about how life has been getting busier and busier and how the girls are getting bigger and bigger. And as such, we really need and covet the prayers and support of our friends and loved ones. So she suggested that I get back into the blogosphere and start posting updates.<br />
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So here it goes...<br />
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Life has been incredibly full and blessed with the two. Kaitlyn is growing into an absolutely spunky and spirited little girl. So smart and quick-witted. And quite the little drama queen. I really personally think that she'll make an amazing actress one day. She is quite the ham. And when she feels something. SHE FEELS IT! Oh, man. Cue the waterworks. Haha...<br />
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Alicia is absolutely thriving and she's improving in all aspects. Recently on her fifth birthday we were looking back to the photos of her first few days on Earth, and we just marvelled at the journey which the Lord has brought us on.<br />
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It almost seems like the child in those photos was some other child and those days in the NICU were a lifetime ago. And yet when we look at those photos, the emotions and memories washed over us afresh.<br />
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For those that have been keeping up with us on Facebook, you know that Alicia over the past five years has had several bouts with febrile seizures. For those of you who don't know, febrile seizures are seizures that very young children get sometimes when they have fevers. In essence, their bodies overheat and short-circuit their brains causing nerves to misfire. The first few times this happened, doctors were concerned for Alicia because, well, anytime anyone has any type of seizure it's important to find the reason. So the first few times Alicia had the seizures we spent several days back in the hospital so doctors could run tests and observe her to make sure that the seizures were indeed febrile and nothing more serious. After getting the test results and not finding anything abnormal, and because of her age at the time and the fact that her cousins had a history of having seizures doctors told us it probably wasn't anything too serious. Most kids grow out of having the febrile seizures as they get older and their brains mature.<br />
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When Alicia had her fifth birthday we thought we were in the clear. However, about a week ago, Alicia woke up with a temperature higher than normal. It wasn't quite a fever, 36-37 degrees C, so we didn't give her medicine, but Linda, being the good mom she is, was still on alert. We went to church that day, and Linda even brought our thermometer with her so she could keep a watch on Alicia's temperature. I'll admit that I kind of teased her about being a bit over-cautious, but it turns out moms just have a sixth-sense about these types of things.<br />
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We got home from church, and Alicia's temperature was still in that warm-but-not-fever range, but we figured she was fine, so we put her down for a nap, and then left Alicia and Kaitlyn in the care of Linda's mom as Linda and I had scheduled to attend a class that afternoon. <br />
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It took us about 30 minutes to get to the classroom, and not two minutes after sitting down for class, Linda gets a call from home. Knowing her mom would never call unless there was an emergency, Linda immediately picked up the call and left the classroom. One minute later, she came back and my heart sank into what was a familiar sense of dread. "We have to go. Alicia's having a seizure."<br />
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My initial thought was... "Not again."<br />
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So we grabbed our stuff, left the classroom and the building and grabbed the first cab we saw and headed back home.<br />
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On the way home, we called Linda's mom to get a status update. Alicia was still seizing and we could hear Kaitlyn screaming in the background. We had some seizure and fever medicine on hand from the last time Alicia had a seizure and we tried to describe where it was to Linda's mom so she could administer it to Alicia and hopefully lesson the attack. Lesson learned. While we never hope we need to use the medicine, but we should always inform all caretakers of the whereabouts of the medicine and how to use it.<br />
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It took us about 15 minutes to get home, and on the way home we asked Linda's mom to call an ambulance. So pretty much not two minutes after we arrived at home we heard the sirens.<br />
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As soon as I got home, I picked Alicia up and held her. By now her left side had been jerking uncontrollably for about 20 minutes. And her fever was up. We asked Mom what had happened and basically, Alicia had woken up from her nap needing to pee. On their way to the bathroom, Mom felt that something was wrong cause Alicia just kind of got weak at the knees and couldn't walk straight. Then she suddenly threw up at which point she started having the seizures.<br />
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Linda's mom is amazing. Don't know how she stayed so calm dealing with an elder granddaughter who was seizing all the while trying to calm a frightened younger granddaughter who was crying hysterically. You'll remember our Kaitlyn is quite expressive about her emotions.<br />
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While the sirens got louder, Linda found the seizure medicine and we did our best to administer it rectally, however, being our first time using the medicine, we had no idea if we did it right at all. By the time we finished administering the medicine, the ambulance arrived and we climbed in.<br />
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It was seriously a scene from a movie, Linda and I climbing into the ambulance, Kaitlyn and grandma standing at the window. Kaitlyn crying hysterically in fear as we drove off. That image will forever be burned into our minds. I hope you parents never have to choose between caring for one sick child or comforting another. It's heartbreaking. So thankful we have the help and support we need at times like this.<br />
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We rode in the ambulance and the paramedics did what they could to get Alicia's vitals. "Temperature 38.4." "Blood oxygen... can't get a good read. She's jerking too much." "How long has she been having the seizure?" "Is she responsive?" "Can she look at you?"<br />
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The five minute ambulance ride felt like an eternity as we finally pulled up to the all too familiar emergency wing of Alicia's hospital.<br />
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We got out of the ambulance, and being seasoned veterans, we went right into our emergency room routine. Linda would go check Alicia in, while I accompanied the gurney and explained to the doctors what happened.<br />
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Within 5 minutes nurses had an IV in Alicia and began administering anti-seizure medicine, which helped Alicia to relax. And then gave her fever medicine which lowered her temperature. They then hooked Alicia up to a heart monitor and also took some blood for testing. And then let Alicia rest.<br />
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For the next seven hours, Linda and I kept vigil over Alicia in the emergency room and waited. By now we were familiar with the environment and kind of knew what to expect. Basically, doctors would run some tests and would want to observe Alicia to see if her fever or seizures returned. If not, we hoped we could go home.<br />
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Thankfully, at around 8:00 that evening, after running some tests, the doctor cleared Alicia to be discharged and we could go home. Hallelujah. No drawn-out hospital stay this time.<br />
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We scheduled a followup appointment with Alicia's paediatric neurologist and then we went home.<br />
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I thought, like the past, that we were in the clear. I mean it was just a febrile seizure, right? She'll out grow it.<br />
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Well ... and here comes the actual point of this post, we took Alicia in to see her neurologist yesterday. After looking at her charts, he began to deliver his prognosis.<br />
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"I'm concerned," he said. "This is already the fifth seizure that Alicia has had. Owing to the fact that she's now older and should be over these seizures by now. And also the fact that her seizures are only on side of her body. And that her seizures are usually over 15 minutes long. I'm concerned."<br />
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Have you ever watched a movie and as the ominous music grew louder, a sense of dread started growing in you? That's how it felt except it wasn't a movie. It was my daughter's life.<br />
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I watched Alicia as the doctor spoke about her, and while I don't think she understood what the doctor was saying, I could tell she could feel that something was up. So I grabbed her and just had her sit on my lap and held her tightly while the doctor spoke.<br />
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"I can't say 100% for certain. I will want to run some tests before deciding. But my guess is that she will probably need to go on medicine to help keep her nervous system in check. And to minimize the chance of these seizures." Why do doctors speak in such absolute terms? It felt to me like he was handing out a life sentence. And I could start feeling a sense of dread creep up in my heart.<br />
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But then as quickly as the dread started to grow, a new thought entered into my mind. While I absolutely respect doctors and am so appreciative of their expertise and professionalism. They are NOT God. And regardless of how you feel about the existence of God, you cannot deny that doctors are not perfect. None of us are. And when doctors offer their prognosis, it is not fact. It is at best, their guess and opinion as to what will happen in the future. Calling a doctor's prognosis a "guess" kind of makes it sound trivial and that's not my intention. What I mean is that it's a conjecture. No one can predict the future with absolute certainty. They can only give an educated guess.<br />
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So I realised then and there in the examination room that I could partner with fear and partner with anxiety and start to worry over my child's health, and the potential of her needing to take medicine for the rest of her life. Or I could start to pray and I could hand over my anxiety and my child over to the God who knew Alicia better than anyone. The God who created her. The God who has amazing plans of her.<br />
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And I felt a wall go up. Not a wall in the sense that I was rejecting what the doctor said, because that would be stupid. But a wall of protection around my heart, refusing to allow what he said to cause fear and anxiety. Because, as God reminded me at that moment, we'd been through all this with Alicia before.<br />
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When she was born, doctors told us, "Prepare your heart. She's weak. She probably won't make it past this week." Then when she did, they said, "She's got brain damage. She probably won't walk or talk." Well, guess what. She is.<br />
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One thing I've noticed is about doctors is that they tend to give you the the worst case scenarios, because in a way, they have to. Could you imagine if they said, "Oh, there's nothing to worry about." And then something bad happened? That would be a nightmare for both the patient and the doctor. It's better to say the worse case scenario and then if it turns out good, then everyone's happy.<br />
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So basically, that's where we are right now. We've scheduled another EEG for Alicia in the next couple of weeks, where once again she'll need to take some sleep medicine so she can sleep while they monitor her brain activity. Past experience has told us that Alicia really has a hard time relaxing and falling asleep for these tests, so prayers for that would be appreciated.<br />
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We will wait to see the results of the tests before the doctor tells us if he's going to put Alicia on medication.<br />
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My heart is at peace, because I said earlier, I know that Alicia's life is in God's hands. And we've had promise after promise that she's going to be fine. And we choose to trust God in this. If in the end she does need medicine, then so be it. But I'm believing that she won't.<br />
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Over the past few days God has brought Alicia's life verse to mind over and over.<br />
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"<span style="background-color: #fdfeff; color: #001320; font-family: "arimo" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 15px; text-align: justify;">I will not die but live, and will proclaim what the LORD has done." Psalm 118:17</span><br />
<span style="background-color: #fdfeff; color: #001320; font-family: "arimo" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 15px; text-align: justify;"><br /></span>
Pray with us. I don't know if you believe in the power of prayer. Or if you believe that we have the power to create or destroy with our words. Regardless. Pray. But please pray with a spirit of celebration and thanksgiving. Do not pray out of fear or anxiety.<br />
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Thank God for Alicia's health. Thank God that Alicia is alive and thriving and that she is, and is going to continue to improve each and every day.<br />
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Thank God, for us, that Alicia will NOT need medication. And that her brain is and will be more and more stable as time goes on.<br />
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Celebrate with us the amazing girls that Alicia and Kaitlyn are.<br />
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Part of the reason I want to start this blog up again is because one day when Alicia needs to share her story on the world's stage, she's going to need a record of all that God has done.<br />
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So Alicia, this is for you!<br />
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Know that Mom and Dad are your biggest cheerleaders. And you've got aunties and uncles, brothers and sisters all over the world praying for you and cheering you on.<br />
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YOU ARE a WARRIOR PRINCESS.<br />
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Probably... You are not only probably going to grow up to be an amazing witness of God's power and grace. You ARE going to grow up to be an amazing witness of God's power and grace. In fact, you already ARE!<br />
<br />Campbell and Linda Changhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04137455251581704782noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4465283616490974027.post-13172294323829388182014-05-10T00:49:00.002+08:002014-05-10T00:49:47.040+08:00TwoWe are the parents of two daughters. Wow. Amazing. I don't think my mind has completely wrapped around the fact that we now have two children rather than one. Two little ones who bear our DNA and will call us Mom and Dad. Whoa.<br />
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So, praise God. Kaitlyn Hannah Chang has arrived safe and sound into this world. And I don't know whether it is because my children share their parent's flare for the dramatic, but it seems that both of our children feel the need to enter the world in a very unique and definitive way with enough twists and turns to be their own soap opera or reality TV show.<br />
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As I shared in my last post, Linda and I were woken up at 5:00 a.m. to begin the prep process for surgery. About 7:30 a nurse showed up to our room with a wheel chair and helped Linda into it. By 7:45, before I knew what was happening, we were on our way to the delivery room.<br />
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I followed behind the wheelchair in an excitement-filled daze, hardly believing we were about to undergo a procedure that would bring our second daughter into the world. We get to the delivery room area, and huge steel doors slide open allowing us into the ward. Next we enter a smaller room and the orderly who was wheeling Linda, pushes her into a special quarantined area for deliveries, and I start to follow only to be told sternly that I couldn't enter yet, and to wait outside while they asked Linda some survey questions and prepped her for surgery.<br />
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At that moment another sliding door with a glass window slid shut separating Linda and I. All I could do was stand by helplessly unable to communicate with Linda in any way. A few minutes later, the sliding doors slid open and I was able to shout, "Linda, Jia You!" (which is something we say in Chinese when we want to encourage someone to "Hang in there and press on.") It was then that Linda realized I wasn't with her, and she asked me, "Aren't you coming in?" I told her I couldn't right then, but I would be in as soon as they let me. And then the doors slid closed, once again separating me and my wife.<br />
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It was then that I realized that I had been sidelined. It's ironic that I wrote in my previous post about my complete obsolescence in this whole child-birth process. Never was it more evident than in that moment segregated from my wife by a heavy steel door with a window.<br />
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Well, I stood outside the door for about 30 minutes while they prepped Linda for surgery. And I was just buzzing with excitement. Our daughter was coming, and I was going to be able to be there to witness her arrival. Could this be happening? Wow.<br />
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During the waiting process they brought me some scrubs and a surgery cap to put on, so I would be clean enough for the operating room. After what seemed like forever, the door finally opened and a nurse intern ushered me into the operating room.<br />
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There I saw my wife laid out like a science experiment, with green sheets covering her entire body except for a rectangular patch exposing her stomach. I was quickly informed the path of which I was allowed to walk, shown my seat and told that I was not allowed under ANY circumstances to touch anything other than my wife's hand.<br />
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Once I sat down, the procedure began. I held onto my cellphone, ready to capture the moment that Kaitlyn's head emerged. From my position, I couldn't see too much, only the doctor and nurses working on Linda. I tried as hard as I could to crane my neck to get a better view inside the abdomen, (I know, weird, but I was really curious) I couldn't see anything.<br />
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The procedure started out pretty smooth, but then the next thing I know, the doctor starts slowing down, and I hear her making comments about blood vessels, and a lot of things being stuck together and that this procedure was going to take a bit longer than expected. The doctor would work a bit, and then she'd look, and then I'd see this look of concern followed by a look of determination. It took about 20 minutes for the doctor to finally get down to the uterus in order to get Kaitlyn out. Just as I was wondering how much longer it would take, the activity began to pick up. <br />
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Again, I couldn't see anything, so I can only guess that the doctor finally was able to get down into the uterus and it was time for baby to come up. I looked down for a second to get my phone ready, and next thing I know when I look up, I see baby's head. A tug and a pull, then the baby's whole body is out. And then I hear for the first time, the sweet cry of my baby girl.<br />
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It's so funny, first thing I check as I did with Alicia as well, was to see if indeed she was a girl, and well, yes. She was. haha...<br />
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But man, so much bigger (naturally) than Alicia when she came out. And a good set of lungs. It was amazing to watch Kaitlyn get cleaned up, and see her turn from greyish blue, to pinkish red as she sucked more and more oxygen into her body.<br />
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My first instinct as a Dad when I heard her crying was to try to calm her down, but then I remembered that the crying is good, it's her taking her first few gasps of air. So I let her cry, but I started to talking to her, and you know the most amazing thing is that when she heard my voice, she stopped crying and started listening as if, "Hey, I know that voice."<br />
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At first, I hadn't noticed that she had stopped crying in response to my voice, only that she had stopped crying. It was only in reflection that I realized, hey, she knows me. Again, amazing.<br />
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It was at this point that I realized that I was focusing entirely way too much on Kaitlyn and not on my wife who was still on the operating table. So I turned to walk back over to Linda, at which point I was scolded and told not to approach and to stay where I was. So I froze in my tracks, turned around and went back to Kaitlyn. <br />
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Once Kaitlyn was cleaned up a bit, they weighed her. And that's another funny story in an of itself. I was so chocked up on adrenaline that when they weighed her and announced her weight, it completely didn't register what they were saying. I heard the weight, I saw the number, but by the time I got out of the operating room, I completely forgot everything.<br />
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Next was another beautiful moment. They took Kaitlyn and carried her over to Linda so mother and daughter could meet for the first time. Kaitlyn by now was crying at the top of her tiny lungs because she was not happy being removed from her comfortable palace. But the moment they brought Kaitlyn close to Linda, and she heard Linda's voice, she completely got soft and calmed down. Her eyes were completely closed, but she found Linda's nose and rested her long slender fingers on it. It was a sweet moment as baby and momma bonded.<br />
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Soon, though, it was time for baby to get wrapped up and sent over to the nursery for final check up and a bath. But before we wrapped her up, doctor had me go over wither her all of Kaitlyn's extremities and appendages. Two ears, ten fingers, ten toes, definitely girl, etc... Once we checked that Kaitlyn physically was OK, the doctor wrapped her up, and then miracles of miracles, I got to hold Kaitlyn for the first time and actually carry her out of the delivery room.<br />
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With Alicia we had to wait a couple months before we were allowed to hold her and cradle her, but Kaitlyn it was within minutes. Amazing.<br />
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God is so good. Baby girl is healthy and alive. There is more to share about our first day post delivery, but this is getting long and it's late. So I will share more later.<br />
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But for now, I will just say thank you for all of the love and support that all of you have been sending us from around the world. We really are so grateful that we and our children are so dearly loved.Campbell and Linda Changhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04137455251581704782noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4465283616490974027.post-44365492317653226432014-05-09T07:14:00.003+08:002014-05-10T00:10:28.298+08:00New LifeWell, it's been almost a year since our last post. And what a year it has been. Alicia has grown so much, and is moving along in her development quite well. And ... oh, yeah. We got pregnant! Actually, that's why I'm here typing again.<br />
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Right now, I'm lying in a hospital room, next to my wife who is resting as she prepares for yet another C-section.<br />
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Reminds me of the first night that I wrote on this blog, back then I was also in a hospital room, next to my sleeping wife, who had just had an emergency C-section. Crazy how time flies and how life goes on.<br />
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We arrived at the hospital last night, and Linda and I were commenting on how the circumstances surrounding this birth are so completely different than Alicia's birth. This time around, we'd known about this C-section for months. Months ago, our doctor told us that because Linda had had the C-section so early last time, if we tried for a vaginal birth after cesarean (VBAC), Linda's risk of uterine rupture during delivery was increased. So our OB-GYN highly recommended another C-section. Well, I don't know if recommended is the right word, more like informed us that we would be having another C-section.<br />
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At first, I wasn't sure how I felt about this, because first of all, it meant that we'd be taking baby out several weeks early (37 weeks vs. 40 weeks) and second of all, I still remember the recovery process for Linda from the last C-section. It was quite uncomfortable. So I was really hesitant, and even considered telling our OB-GYN that no, we'd like to try for a VBAC anyway. But after praying and then talking to several of our friends in the medical sphere, and considering the fact that our doctor is a well-known high-risk pregnancy doctor here in Taiwan, and also me not having the first clue on child-birth, we decided that we would go ahead with the scheduled C-section.<br />
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So here we are, week 37 and two days. Linda and I were woken up about two hours ago to begin the prep process. (I'll spare you the details.) It's baby day and if all goes well, we'll be meeting our new daughter within two hours. Crazy.<br />
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There are so many thoughts running around my head right now. I'll be honest, right before starting this entry, I was researching C-sections and all that entails and doubts started creeping up in my mind again. Perhaps we should have pushed more for the VBAC, maybe we should have asked more questions. But too late now. We're on the train and it's already left the station.<br />
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Also, I can't help but feel absolutely 100% useless during this process. I mean other than my early contribution to the life of this child, up to this point I have pretty much not had anything to do with carrying her, nurturing her, incubating her and keeping her healthy. And for the next few hours, I will have nothing to do with her coming out, other than standing by Linda's side and encouraging her. I mean, seriously, for the past 9 months, every ache and pain, every physical change, every sore muscle, every kick, every needle prick, every swollen appendage has been Linda's and Linda's alone. And now, over the next few hours, it will be her who will have to endure the epidural, her who will have to deal with the surgery and her who will have to deal with the recovery.<br />
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I feel completely and utterly useless.<br />
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So any man, woman or child who ever disrespects a mother (and I'm talking to myself here, too), no offense, but you're acting stupid. I mean these WOMEN are AMAZING! What they have to go through to bring these children into the world - I mean, WOW.<br />
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And it's like, I want to have more kids, but how do I dare ask Linda to go through all of this, AGAIN? I mean? Really. It's not something I can ask of her. It would be one thing if I could take the pain and struggle of bringing the child into the world, and do something to help. But seriously, as I said earlier, I pretty much am 100% obsolete in the pregnancy, birthing and recovery process. It's not my body that has to deal with all the changes and discomfort. Ever want to feel useless? Be a husband, awaiting the delivery of your child. Don't get me wrong, this is no self-abasement. I'm not putting myself down. I am just accepting my lot in life (well at least in this process). So as much as I would LOVE to have another kid of my own (yes, I know... let's see how it is with two before opening my mouth and making such a statement), in the end, the decision is completely up to Linda and God. <br />
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So gentlemen with wives who have been or who are pregnant. We seriously need to bow down and honor these women as the queens and warriors they are. I mean, they go through a heck-of-a-lot to give life to our children. We best not EVER disrespect them EVER.<br />
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So on this day, the birthday of our second daughter, and two days before Mother's Day, I just want to say to ALL the mothers out there, THANK YOU. THANK YOU! May God bless you immensely for all you have done. YOU ARE AMAZING!Campbell and Linda Changhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04137455251581704782noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4465283616490974027.post-11097857410337609232013-05-29T20:46:00.002+08:002013-05-29T20:46:22.557+08:00712 days...104 weeks... 24 months... 2 years <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Happy Birthday Alicia!!<br />
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Baby Girl is 2 years old today. Time sure flies! Hard to believe that two years ago, Linda and I were still recovering from one of the most eventful night of our lives, and our little girl was clinging to life by a thread. Now look at her. So full of life and most importantly she's thriving and improving each and every day.<br />
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I still remember clearly doctors telling us that they had no guarantees for us on how long Alicia would be alive. The odds were sorely against her, and if she survived to the end of the week, it would be quite amazing. Back then all we had to cling on to was our faith that Alicia was in God's hands. We kept praying for and proclaiming with all of you health, and life to our little one. Back then there were moments when it felt like we were maybe kidding ourselves. But we clung onto God and his promises. We knew that he would carry us through no matter what. And we believed that Alicia was going to be all right.<br />
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And as you can see, today, she's not only OK, she is blossoming into an adorable little girl.<br />
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Does she have challenges? Sure. She's a bit behind developmentally, but that's OK. We will continue to take her to therapy and get her the help that she needs. At the same time, we're going to continue what we've been doing since the beginning and continue to cling on to the hope that she is going to be able to live a 100% normal and healthy life with no disabilities or handicaps. We're going to continue to speak life over her and full health. And we ask you to continue to do that with us as well.<br />
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A year ago, on the eve of Alicia's first birthday, I wrote about how I look forward to the day when I'll hear her call me Daddy for the first time, and while we're not quite there yet, we're getting there! A couple of weeks ago, she started adding the syllable "ba" to her babbling. Now we just have to help her to associate "ba" with me! =D She is definitely understanding more and more. When we ask her "Where is baba?" she'll look at me. And if I say, "Give it to baba" She'll reach out and give me whatever's in her hand. So she's definitely more aware and interactive, which is an encouraging sign.<br />
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Now, on the day of Alicia's birthday, allow me to leave a little message for my baby girl, so that one day when she's older she can read and know what Daddy was thinking on her second birthday.<br />
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Dear Precious Baby Girl,<br />
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Happy birthday! You are 2 today. You probably have no idea right now what a special day we celebrate today, but in time, and as you get older, you will know. But for now, Mommy and Daddy will just celebrate for you.<br />
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Baby girl, you are growing and learning so much. You have your challenges and Mommy and Daddy need to give you some special help, but it is worth it. To see how much you are improving and growing makes Mommy and Daddy's heart smile.<br />
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Alicia, I hope you know how much Mommy and Daddy love you. Mommy pours out so much of herself to take care of you. And her heart is continuously wondering what else she can do to help you to grow physically, mentally, spiritually and in every other way. Mommy often exhausts all of her energy in trying to get you to eat, or nap, or just to finish your milk. You are an amazing girl. And overall, you are very well-behaved and cooperative. But little girl, you have to eat and sleep. That's how you'll get bigger, healthier and stronger. One day you'll understand and one day you'll have children of your own. I hope they eat better than you do, but if they don't, then maybe you'll understand the struggle Mommy goes through every day to feed you. Haha.<br />
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But Alicia, you are an amazing little girl. Your smile is like a splash of color on a dreary gray canvas, it brightens everything up. I love playing with you and making you laugh. And I love when I hold you and you hold me back, snuggle and bury your face in my chest. You make me feel like I am the biggest coolest superdad in the world.<br />
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There are times when I get frustrated and I yell or put you aside, and I am sorry. Daddy is learning, too. I am learning I need to cherish this time I have with you, because you won't be small forever. One day you are going to be all grown up and have a family of your own. And I'm going to have to compete for your time. But for now, your mine and Mommy's and we will continue to cherish the gift that is you.<br />
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Daddy and Mommy have a lot of hopes and dreams for you baby girl. But mostly our prayer is that we would train you up in the way that you should go. We want you to have an amazing relationship with God, and know that he has created you and that you have an exciting purpose here on Earth. You almost went back to Heaven early, but God sent here, and I know you have something important to do. And Mommy and Daddy promise that we'll do our best to help you find out what that is, and support you so that you can have every advantage, resource and tool you need to thrive and give God glory while you're alive here on Earth.<br />
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Precious girl, you are my treasure.<br />
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Love,<br />
DaddyCampbell and Linda Changhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04137455251581704782noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4465283616490974027.post-16596032488780659082013-05-19T09:32:00.000+08:002013-05-19T09:32:13.963+08:00Missing Something?Seriously, how do all of you do it? I mean those of you with 2, 3, 4 . . . 19 kids? How do you do it?<br />
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How do you do it, while still maintaining your smile, your energy, and most importantly your hair? Alicia is a great kid and all, but seriously, lately, I feel like we're coming apart at the seams.<br />
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Those of you who know me well, know I once had a lofty dream of having four, yes, FOUR, kids. I love kids, I reasoned, it'd be fun. MWUAHAHAHA. Lately, I've really started to reconsider. I mean, part of me still hangs onto the hope that by some miracle of God, we get this supernatural stamina, patience and energy to handle four little kiddies running around our house. But right now we're doing all that we can just to survive.<br />
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I sometimes wonder, is it us? Are we doing it wrong? I mean, how do some moms have the energy and capability to have three young boys under the age of five, be pregnant with her fourth child, bake amazing treats and still run 10 miles every day. (Yes, I'm talking about you Mrs. Sawatzky.) <br /><br />And then others who find the time to sew, and bake, and keep their house clean and take their child out for modeling shoots, and still have time to make baby number two, or three.<br />
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I'm like... I really would like to have a second one. But really? Do we dare?<br />
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And I'm at odds, too. Because part of me is like... we want a second one, let's get it over with. If we're going to be tired, let's just be tired all at once. I don't want to get to a point where Alicia is a bit older, she can do more on her own, and we can take things a bit easier, and then BAM have to start all over for another 3 or 4 years with kiddo numero dos. At the same time, can we really handle adding another person into the mix, with everything that we have going on?<br />
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I mean, seriously, am I missing something? Other families seem all the ready to have more kids. Parents whose kids were born about the same time as Alicia, if they haven't already added to their pantry, are in the process of creating or baking their next sweetie pie. But in our little bakery shop, as the chief baker (my wife) so tactfully put it, "The store is closed." <br />
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And while, I would so like to contest and on occasion do try to persuade my wife to prepare for our second, part of me feels like, who am I kidding? We have four hands full with Alicia. How can I even think of having a second, or a third, or dare I say it? A fourth.<br />
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On a side note, in my naivete as a young single man, I thought, hey wouldn't it be fun to have twins? Now I think, WAS I CRAZY?! So you parents of multiples out there - hats off to you.<br />
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Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of joys that we experience. Like the sweet smiles that we get from Alicia each day. Or even her crawling up to me just now, putting her little hands on my knees and pulling herself up to be close to me. Those things are precious.<br />
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I mean, I honestly have no answers. I don't know what I can do to make things easier for Linda or myself. Or maybe there is nothing we can do. Maybe it's just a phase that we need to go through.<br />
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I guess part of me writes this to let those of you out there who are in the same boat as me know that you're not alone. Not all families are idyllic with well-disciplined children who sleep, eat, and poop on schedule, and moms and dads who keep a spotless home, while cooking dinner with one hand and changing a diaper in the other. <br />
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All I can say is I am clinging on to God for dear life, I tell you. =D <br />
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<br />Campbell and Linda Changhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04137455251581704782noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4465283616490974027.post-74184172473342745762013-04-29T23:52:00.004+08:002013-04-29T23:52:59.759+08:00Such a Time as ThisHad an interesting conversation yesterday with a new acquaintance of mine that really injected me with renewed sense of gratitude.<br />
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One thing God has been speaking to me over the years is that no matter how much at times I think that God has left me in the dust to fend for myself, he never has nor will he ever abandon me. In fact, truth is, sometimes there are things that I take for granted as, "well that's just how things are" when actually, there is no such things as "that's just how things are." We are not guaranteed that things are supposed to be one way or the other. In fact, all we have is because of God's grace and mercy.<br />
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What I'm realizing is that it is would be nearly impossible for me to wrap my mind around and comprehend just exactly how much the Lord has done for me. In fact, I think I am probably blissfully unawares of some of the imminent dangers that the Lord has thwarted from coming my way simply because I never experienced it, so I didn't know it was coming. <br />
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I think this cartoon illustrates what I'm trying to say well:<br />
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<img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSMiCsfK-PFN7ohGB626Sfu9GAzK3oaq6FbTam2xC3HR_0U1MgFiuHf74g2oOzAogDCgqkEGCocTLp1T5OBOT2jq1Y72t9UInyfoTL3_N5W8VhhyphenhyphenVqCfgo9N2LRItxXxRmYoIuXkrKbBA/s1600/Jesus-Christ-Cartoon-05.jpg" /> </div>
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I mean of course, I don't think God is ever capable of accidentally "missing one". But you get the idea. <br />
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So basically yesterday, I was having a conversation with this acquaintance when he just casually mentioned that his mom has had a series of health issues ever since she gave birth to him unexpectedly during the hottest part of the year over 20 years ago. Being a dad of an ex-preemie, my ears perked up. Unexpected birth? So I asked him what he meant. He explained to me that he was originally due in November, but he was born mid-August. Three months early, just like Alicia! <br />
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He told me that he stayed in the incubator for 10 days. "Ten days!" I exclaimed. He said, "Yeah, I know. A long time, right?" Flabbergasted I explained that Alicia was in the hospital in the incubator for four months! It was his turn to be shocked. After further discussion, we realized that the reason he was only in the hospital for 10 days was because back then Taiwan National Health Insurance was not as comprehensive as it is today. His family could only afford to keep him in the incubator for 10 days.<br />
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Wow.<br />
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One other thing about this acquaintance of mine, is that he walks with a limp. Turns out one of his legs is longer than the other and he's had the problem since he was a child. But, since info on preemie care and early intervention was not as prevalent and developed when he was young, his parents were unaware of his need for therapy until he was nearly five years old and still unable to walk. By then it was a little late for him to begin therapy and get the help that he needed, and so he ended up with a permanent limp.<br />
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After this conversation, I was just in awe. I mean, have we had a hard time? Yes! Have we had to face a slough of unanticipated trials and uphill battles? Sure! But could things have been 10 times worse? Oh, MOST definitely!<br />
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I mean, seriously, we were already so thankful for the medical insurance that brought our over $1,000,000 NT hospital bill down to only $50,000. But to think that had Alicia been born 20 years ago, we would have most likely only been able to allow her to stay in the hospital for 10 days and then what? Linda and I would have had to provide all the medical treatment and care for her at home. (On a side note, we've heard rumors that the government is considering cutting funding in preemie care so that insurance will go back to covering only 14 days of incubator usage. ARE YOU KIDDING?! Talk about sentencing these kids! But that's another soapbox for another time.)<br />
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And is it challenging and draining for Linda to schlep Alicia, her diapers, toys, bottles and formula multiple times a week to therapy? OF COURSE! But, am I grateful now for the availability of such therapy and the protocols and resources available in order to diagnose Alicia's need for said therapy so that we were able to get it so early for Alicia? OH, FOR DARN SURE.<br />
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So, Father, I'm sorry. I'm sorry that sometimes I take things for granted. I'm sorry that I think I'm entitled and that you're not doing enough. And I complain and whine that it's too hard! When, in reality, you have already done so much. Every day I'm sure there are countless things that you do for me and my family that I am quite unaware of and oblivious to.<br />
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Lord, I want to say thank you. Thank you for all the things that you have done and continue to do for us both seen and unseen, known and unknown. Thank you that nothing gets by you, and you know exactly what we need even before we are conscious of it.<br />
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Thank you for allowing Alicia to be born at a time such as this when medical information and knowledge is more developed. Thank you for providing insurance so that Alicia was able to and continues to be able to get the assistance that she needs without costing us an arm and a leg.<br />
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THANK YOU, DADDY. THANK YOU!<br />
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P.S. Here is on other amazing thing that Linda just pointed out to me after reading what I wrote above. Even if Alicia were born 20 years ago without the developed medical care and insurance, God's grace would have covered her and us even then. Things in the natural realm may have been more "difficult" or "challenging" but in the spiritual realm our God is the same God he was yesterday, today and will be tomorrow. So his grace would have been sufficient for us even Alicia were born back then. THANK YOU, LORD!<br />
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Only God knows why he had Alicia born at such a time as this. But see, that's actually the only thing that matters. God KNOWS. And he has plans for her. Plans to prosper her and not to harm her, plans to give us hope and a future.Campbell and Linda Changhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04137455251581704782noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4465283616490974027.post-84591501782800968772013-04-26T05:42:00.001+08:002013-04-26T14:27:43.623+08:00Too Much, But HE'S MORE!<strike>It's 4:30 a.m. By the time I finish writing this, it'll be probably closer to 5. This is about the fifth night in a row that I have not had a full night's rest. Alicia has been having trouble really sleeping soundly and has been rolling, climbing, kicking around in our bed for the past week. Before you say anything about this being the consequence of her sleeping in our bed, let me tell you, that we are quite aware. We have actually being trying a new system. </strike><br />
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<strike>Last week, I deconstructed her crib, removing certain parts and reassembled it into a toddler bed. Alicia's new bed is now right beside ours. For the past week, we've been rocking Alicia to sleep and then putting her in her bed. Which is great for the first three or four hours. But then for some reason, midnight or 1:00 a.m. rolls around and Alicia wakes up crying wanting to be held. By then we're exhausted, so Linda will pick her up and have her sleep with us. Which to tell you the truth, I love . . . when we actually sleep. </strike><br />
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<strike>However, after 5 nights of restless sleep, and one of the worst nights/mornings ever today, I gave up. I decided I needed to come up and pray. But if I am to be honest. It's hard to pray. </strike><br />
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<strike>I am cranky and just feeling overwhelmed. I'm feeling like, IT'S TOO MUCH, GOD! It's too much. And you might be like, "WHOA, Campbell, calm down. It's just sleeping problems. She'll get over them. It's not a big deal." But the thing is, it's not just about the sleep. It's everything!</strike><br />
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<strike>Every time, I think we're over a hurdle, every time, I think it'll be smooth sailing from here on out, I'll get rudely jolted back to reality by some doctor prognosis, or a reminder of some special need that Alicia still has that I conveniently had let slip my mind. </strike><br />
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<strike>As much as I am absolutely thankful for the beautiful baby girl that we have, and that she on the whole is more healthy and normal than not, which is a miracle considering the circumstances surrounding her birth, there are still lingering issues that just continue to get deflating and disempowering.</strike><br />
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<strike>One condition that has been on the forefront of my mind is Sensory Integration Disorder. It's one that doctors warned us about when we first brought Alicia into therapy. Actually, scratch that. I think I remember hearing about it in the hospital during an info session just a few days or weeks after Alicia was born. Except at that time, I heard the words and description, but kind of half tuned out because a) it was all in Chinese and b) I had no context at that time to really make sense of what was being described. </strike><br />
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<strike>Long story short, Sensory Integration Disorder is a condition where children aren't able to process or organize the sensory stimuli that they are receiving. </strike><br />
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<strike>The interesting thing about Sensory Integration Disorder is that there are actually those that don't really think it exists. They believe that the symptoms described are actually indicative of other developmental issues and not unique enough to give it its own diagnosis. </strike><br />
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<strike>Regardless, I believe it exists. However, until this morning, I had a hard time really grasping exactly what it was. Thing is most of the time when Sensory Integration Disorder is talked about, they describe a child who is hypersensitive to stimuli. They cry at even the slightest touch. They get overwhelmed by noises that you and I would deem as normal. They get irritated by even the most minute of sights, sounds, smells, tastes and touch. But that wasn't Alicia. She wasn't hypersensitive. </strike><br />
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<strike>In fact, for the most part I felt really blessed to have such a good child. She didn't cry when she had a poopy diaper. When she got immunization shots, she'd cry for about 10 seconds and then she was fine. All things that I thought, wow, we are so blessed to have such a good one. </strike><br />
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<strike>Come to find out, these things might not be as good as I thought they were. Yes, Alicia, isn't hypersensitive. But as I learned from research, there is actually the other extreme of the Sensory Integration Disorder. One blogger describes it as <a href="http://www.spdbloggernetwork.com/2011/03/07/sensory-modulation-disorder-sensory-seekers-and-sensory-avoiders/">seekers verses avoiders</a>. </strike><br />
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<strike>Avoiders are the hypersensitive ones. Seekers are the ones that go after stimuli as if they can't get enough. Alicia seems to fit under the latter. </strike><br />
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<strike>She is constantly on the move. Unless, she's strapped in a chair, or she's strapped in her carrier, she's crawling around and ...</strike><br />
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I started writing the above at 4:30, but now a half an hour later, I'm convicted. The above was a gripe. A complaint about why I felt overwhelmed and drained. But as I was writing, I just felt very clearly in my heart that it was a waste. It was nothing more than griping and complaining. And yes, I think there is a place for sharing your heart and your struggles, I just felt that I was being overly negative.<br />
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Sure Alicia needs special help. Sure she has some potential challenges and she needs extra care. But there is also PLENTY to be thankful for.<br />
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In case, you can't read the above, most of it was about a certain disorder called, "Sensory Integration Disorder" or "Sensory Modulation Disorder." And while, yes, admittedly Alicia does have some of the symptoms of this disorder. I do not believe that complaining about them will do any good. I mean sure, she's always getting into everything, constantly emptying a whole box of toys just to look at everything, constantly crawling around, unable to sit still unless strapped down. She's often chewing clothing, playing with food, under-responsive to pain, chewing on toothbrush, oh, did I mention not sitting still, especially when we're tying to change her diaper, etc... But thing is she has many moments when she's completely focused, engaged and fully alert.<br />
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So do I choose to focus on the negative and frustrating things or do I choose to focus on the things I'm thankful for? Sure, I can't deny that perhaps Alicia needs some help to learn to organize some of her senses. However, I do NOT need to wallow. We get Alicia the help she needs. We help her as much as we can. That's a part of being a parent.<br />
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Do I feel, at times, that we got the short end of the stick? SURE. But truth is, there are plenty of kids who are FAR worse than Alicia. (Not that we should be comparing.) I mean can you imagine not being able to touch your child, or sing to her for fear that it would overstimulate her? Or how about your child purposefully running into things, or doing dangerous things because they are under-stimulated. Alicia doesn't do any of that.<br />
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Yes, she has certain things that are indicative that she has SID or SMD. But, they are mild.<br />
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But I will ask you to pray for this. Pray for Linda and I to have strength and keep focused on God. It's been said that, "God will never give us more than we can bare." Well, unfortunately, this is a gross misquote. The Bible doesn't say that. He says he won't allow us to be tempted beyond what we are capable of resisting. In fact, Paul in describing his experience in Asia says that "We were so utterly burdened beyond our strength that we despaired of life itself."<br />
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God does put us in positions where we can't handle it. But as Paul continues to say, "[It's so that it will] make us rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead." <br />
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Is it always easy to rely on God? NO! I am tired. I am not going to lie. I am drained and exhausted. BUT he has us in this position for a reason. He apparently loved Alicia enough to give her to Linda and I in this condition. He felt that we were the best parents to help her through this life. And I am honored. But MAN, do I feel completely overwhelmed and inadequate. And I can speak for Linda here, too. We both feel the same way.<br />
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However, as I have been reminded several times, just this week itself, my God is a big God. He is BIGGER than all of these struggles and trials. He is bigger than the storm. And as Jesus did in the boat, as it was being tossed about by the storm, I need to rest and know that he's GOT IT.<br />
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I may not be able to calm the storm, but HE CAN. And HE has promised that we will come through on the other side. So you know what, SID or SMD, and any other thing that may want to try to hinder my daughter? I'm going to tell my Daddy on you! Actually, no, I'm going to tell YOU about my Daddy.<br />
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He's the one who put the world in place. He's the one who knit Alicia fearfully and wonderfully in Linda's womb. He knows every fiber and cell in all of our bodies. The wind and the waves obey him. And HE PAID the ULTIMATE PRICE so that we can have life ABUNDANT! And this abundant life? It does not include you. So go on and git!<br />
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In the words of Gloria Gaynor, "Go on now go. Walk out the door. Just turn around now. Cause you're not welcome anymore. Weren't you the one who tried to hurt us with goodbye? Did you think we'd crumble? Did you think we'd lay down and die? Oh, no not us, we will survive. Oh, as long as we know how to love, we know we'll stay alive, we've got all our lives to live, we've got all our love to give, and we'll survive, we will survive (hey hey)!"Campbell and Linda Changhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04137455251581704782noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4465283616490974027.post-9282063306932979042013-03-12T22:55:00.006+08:002013-03-13T11:40:03.012+08:00Judge Not Prior to having a child of my own, I thought I knew a thing or two about parenthood. I'd look at parents with their children, and I confess, I'd judge. "I'll never yell at my child in public." "Look at them, why can't they control their kids? My kids will be so much better behaved." "Those parents are softies. They let their kids run their lives." Ha. Oh, my naivete.<br />
<br />
Thing is, I know I'm not alone. I have read a number of blog posts and articles, written mostly by moms, that have confessed the very thing that I just shared. Many writers frame their posts as an open letter of apology to any and all parents they may have judged in the past. I guess, I'll follow suit.<br />
<br />
I'M SORRY.<br />
<br />
To the parents with the kid who takes forever to eat, or refuses to eat, that I judged. I'm sorry. To those parents that co-slept with their children, that I looked down on. I'm sorry.<br />
<br />
I am learning fast and hard that parenting IS NOT easy. I read books, I tried to prepare, but seriously, I feel like when you're actually on the field in the game, most of that knowledge just goes right out the window.<br />
<br />
When I first started out in this world of parenting, I was determined to be the model father - one who walked the fine line of love and discipline. One who would have well-behaved children, who knew they were loved and yet would keep in line and know what to do when and where. I rejected the notion that my daughter would ever be capable of wrapping me around her little pinky. I was the authority, not her, she would live by my direction and not the opposite way around.<br />
<br />
Right. Did someone just splash cold water on me, because I am now fully awakened and out of my dream-like fantasy? <br />
<br />
The longer I am a father, the more I realize, I have NO IDEA what I'm doing. Half the time I'm guessing at what the best thing to do is. I try to stay strong and maintain discipline, but I fear crossing the boundary and inflicting some trauma or emotional scar on her.<br />
<br />
One clear, example, as those of you who are my friends on Facebook know, is the idea of sleep training. Seriously, I thought I knew what I was supposed to do, but truthfully? I don't.<br />
<br />
I got into this thing, completely believing in the philosophy that a child needs to sleep in his or her own bed, and they need to learn how to soothe themselves to sleep. If that means crying it out a couple of nights, then that means crying it out a couple of nights. I was determined to have a heart of steel, my child will cry, and I will be immune.<br />
<br />
Linda (my wife) and I even had several arguments about the best way to put Alicia to sleep. I felt Linda was being too soft, she felt I was being too hard. And I was angry. I really wanted to teach Alicia to sleep on her own. But it was hard for Linda to hear Alicia crying so relentlessly. I even went so far as to lock Linda out of the room so I could put Alicia to bed MY way. (Note to husbands out there, NOT A GOOD IDEA, unless you really want to see the Mama Bear rear its claws.) <br />
<br />
As determined as I was, I quickly learned that I was no superhero. And even if I were, every superhero has his weakness. My Kryptonite? The tear-soaked, snot-smeared red face of my poor little girl as she cries pitifully on her knees with her arms raised begging me to pick her up. I mean, I couldn't. I just COULDN'T just leave her there.<br />
<br />
Eventually, Linda and I came to a compromise, and by compromise I mean, I completely crumpled to the pressure and we have been rocking Alicia to sleep and lying in bed with her until she's asleep pretty much every night since she was a few months old.<br />
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Oh, don't get me wrong, we've tried, several times in the past year or so to do the sleep training thing. We got into a few more arguments. I even tried to do research to prove that I was right. Yeah, well, I don't know what's right. Is there even a right?<br />
<br />
It just doesn't feel right to let a child cry out in desperation and not respond. I mean what does that teach them? I know the arguments. Life is cruel. People are harsh. We don't always get what we want. But really? Are we, as parents, supposed to be the ones to inflict that on them so they can learn?<br />
<br />
So often I try to think what God would do? I mean, he's supposedly the perfect Father, so what would he do? Somehow, I just can't imagine him turning his back on us if we're crying out desperately to him.<br />
<br />
And thing is, I know the idea of putting them in their crib, leaving the room and letting them cry it out. But again, I just feel wrong about that. Cause I mean, how do I know that it's just she doesn't want to go to sleep? What if I'm wrong? What if she just really doesn't want to be left alone? What if she's scared? What if she's really stressed out about the separation? Am I to just leave her? How does that not create abandonment issues?<br />
<br />
Let me take a break here and say that I'm not advocating or condoning one method over another. I am not placing any sort of judgment or criticism on the cry-it-out method or the co-sleeping method. I am simply sharing with you my thought process. So if I have offended, please forgive.<br />
<br />
Back to what I was saying. So recently, Linda and I thought it might be time for Alicia to transition into her own bed. She's getting bigger, and so three of us on the bed is getting a bit crammed. And honestly, I don't think I've have one night of uninterrupted rest whenever she sleeps with us. It's not that she wakes up, because on most nights she sleeps through the night. It's just that she moves around a lot, so if it's not a foot in the face, it's a head-butt to the gut - hard not to wake up under these circumstances. So we thought, OK, let's try to teach her to sleep in her own crib.<br />
<br />
Right. You'd think I was inflicting some sort of cruel and unusual punishment on the child, the way she carried on. Eventually, I had to tag out. Linda took over, rocked her to bed, and then placed in her in the crib, while I went to do some self-soothing of my own.<br />
<br />
The next morning, Linda took Alicia for a routine check-up with a doctor specializing in developmental issues. Linda shared with her how we were trying to transition Alicia into her own bed. The doctor actually recommended that we not rush.<br />
<br />
She asked Linda if Alicia when sleeping with us, would crawl over to one or the other of us and insist on some sort of physical contact with us. Linda confirmed that this was indeed the case. We'd place Alicia somewhere between us while we're settling in for the night, and try our best not to to touch her, for fear of disturbing her sleep. But somehow in the middle of the night, Alicia would always crawl or somehow maneuver her body so that her hand, her head, her foot... some part of her body was in contact with either I or Linda.<br />
<br />
The doctor explained that since Alicia was born so early, she lost three crucial months in the womb for bonding and connecting with mom. It's also during these last three months that the senses are developed and infants brains learn to receive and organize various stimuli. So now, she seeks out extra stimuli in a way to make up for what she lost in those last three months.<br />
<br />
Also, the co-sleeping allows her to build a bond and connection with us that she didn't get in those four months in the incubator. So apparently, her co-sleeping helps with her emotional and cognitive development. And to be honest, I do see a difference. I feel like I've heard somewhere that preemies in general are very irritable, anxious and rather insecure. But Alicia is none of those things. She's actually rather happy, mild-tempered and quite secure. And I do think that part of that is the bond that she gets when she sleeps with us.<br />
<br />
So I really don't know. I mean part of me thinks, man it's a lot of work to have to rock her and hold her every night until she falls asleep. There are so many other things that I could be doing. But then the other part of me thinks, well, just suck it up. She's only going to be a baby once. And really, to who's benefit is it for her to "cry-it out?" So she stops crying after a few nights, but is that really because she's learned to self-soothe, or is it because she's learned that crying is of no use, and well, so why bother? I don't know. I mean, I just keep thinking, am i just being selfish and trying to let myself have an "easier" time?<br />
<br />
Then there's the fear that we'll spoil her by rocking her to bed every night. But studies have actually shown that kids who co-sleep with their parents for even a brief amount of time, end up being more well-adjusted and more socially adept. And I mean I have also conducted my own non-scientific, non-professional observations. I have noticed that those kids who co-sleep with their parents tend to be more outgoing and less fearful and shy than those whose parents force them to learn to sleep on their own. Again, non-scientific, definitely not conclusive, and for sure there are exceptions to the rule. But for the most part the kids that I know that are more happy and less clingy are those that have done some amount of co-sleeping. I wonder.<br />
<br />
Anyway... so, conclusion? I don't really have one. Only that Linda and I will continue to love on Alicia in the best way that we can. And that we will continue to pray for wisdom. <br />
<br />
I believe eventually Alicia will outgrow the need to sleep with us. Hopefully she won't, as Linda said today, go straight from sleeping in our bed to sharing a bed with her husband. But, I think for now, we'll just stick with cuddling up with our little angel while she's still wanting to be with us, cause for sure, soon enough, she'll be all grown-up and out of the house and well, it'll probably be me who'll need some rocking and soothing the first night that happens.<br />
<br />Campbell and Linda Changhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04137455251581704782noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4465283616490974027.post-88877287428178611302013-03-10T00:20:00.000+08:002013-03-12T21:42:35.730+08:00TimeWhat is time? Minutes, hours, days pass. Time continues to move forward. And yet, so often it feels like things continue to stay the same.<br />
<br />
As I write this, it is almost midnight of March 10, which means that in a few minutes Alicia will be 18 months old adjusted (her age she would be if she had been born on her original due date). Our daughter would have been one year and six months old if she hadn't decided to come out early.<br />
<br />
In the beginning, when I was still learning all about what it meant to be a parent of a preemie, I learned all about adjusted age vs. actual age. For a brief short hours, I had the naive fantasy that because she was born early that she would maybe somehow be ahead of the curve. She'd develop earlier than everyone, she'd learn how to walk, talk, etc... before everyone else. Well, it wasn't long before my metaphorical bubble was quickly blasted into tiny fragments of imagination. I learned from doctors and my own research that not only did her being a micro-preemie mean that she wouldn't be ahead of the developmental curve, but also, the truth is, the condition of her birth might cause her to be "delayed". I was disappointed.<br />
<br />
Being someone who likes to be ahead of the curve, years ago, whenever I'd hear stories of my friend's children learning to walk at 8 months, or learning to talk before their first birthday, I used to think, someday, I want my child to do that. Ha. Well, as I've learned, things don't always work out the way you'd like.<br />
<br />
While I was disappointed at first to hear the news, it's only recently that I've begun to feel the full brunt of the let-down.<br />
<br />
I see my niece, Hope, who was originally due within weeks of Alicia, walking, running, picking things up, holding her own cup, feeding herself, and I can't help but think, wow, if Alicia were born "on time" she'd probably be doing those things.<br />
<br />
But I comforted myself, and thought, it's OK, she's just a little behind, she'll catch up.<br />
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Then I see, Karis, one of Alicia's closest friends, she just turned one a couple of months ago. She's already started walking and toddling around, and I think, when will it be our turn?<br />
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It's gotten to the point where kids who are younger than Alicia are surpassing her in the developmental milestones, and I just keep thinking, when, God? When will she catch up?<br />
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And then there's her size and her weight. When I look at her just on her own, I think, she's great. She's growing, and wow, she's so much bigger than when we first brought her home. But then I look at other kids her age, and they're like twice her size. And today, I learn that Alicia's other friend, Joshua, who is 5 months old, is wearing the same size diaper as she is. I'm like... ARGH! <br />
<br />
And the doubt starts creeping in. Am I not doing enough? What can I do to help her develop faster? She's only started babbling, and even then she just makes the one sound over and over. How much longer before I can hear her call me "Daddy"?<br />
<br />
I feel like ever since Alicia's been born, it's been this constant waiting game. Most parents hear their child's cry within seconds of delivery, we had to wait months. Most kids get held within moments of being born. Alicia had to wait months. Most kids go home with Mom and Dad a few days after birth, we waited... yes, that's right, months. <br />
<br />
In fact about the only thing we didn't have to wait for was to see her, because she came out early. But you know what, I could have waited. I really could have.<br />
<br />
But there's no use playing this could have, would have game. She came out early, we can't change that. We just help her with what we can now.<br />
<br />
And I know there are people that say, "What's the rush?" Let her crawl a bit longer. She'll talk when she's ready. I know all that. It's just as a parent, you can't help but wonder, is she OK? Will she really "catchup" as everyone says.<br />
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I'm sure that in a year from now, I'll look back on this and think, what was I so wound up about? She's fine! And I know she's OK. <br />
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I guess, I'm just tired of waiting. I want to hear my daughter call me Daddy. I would give anything to not have to think about her muscle tone being tight, and not having to wonder if she's using her left arm enough, or is she standing right, or why isn't she making more sounds?<br />
<br />
Thing is, it's a huge lesson in NOT COMPARING. Right? I mean, yes there are "norms" for development but each child is different. Each child develops at his or her own pace. And barring some huge unforeseen circumstance she's got a good 90-100 years here on Earth ahead of her to walk, talk, dance, etc... So why am I in such a rush?<br />
<br />
I think I just want to know that she's OK. I just want her to have a good life. I want her to have full function of her body. I don't want her to have any "problems".<br />
<br />
But really? What can I do? Not too much. I can pray, and that's a huge deal. But beyond that, she's going to develop at her own pace.<br />
<br />
And besides, she is doing so well. Alicia is such a happy, well-adjusted, secure child. She isn't overly emotional, and doesn't cry for no reason. She isn't afraid of strangers, and will readily share a smile with people she just met. She is so responsive when we talk with her and play with her, and seeing her face light up every time I walk in the door after work just fills my heart with so much joy. <br />
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So really, I just need to suck it up and trust God. Time is such a relative thing anyway, eh? What is "on time"? What is "late"? God is ALWAYS on time, and he will never be late. <br />
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Do I wish that he would do things on my time table? OF COURSE! But, he's God, he created Alicia, he brought her out when he did. I've got to trust that he's got her life in his hands. He has come through again and again with Alicia's life, so there's no reason to think that he's going to stop now.<br />
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So, Daddy. I just let go. Alicia is your daughter. You've entrusted her to our care, but ultimately, she's yours.<br />
<br />
And I will just relish the milestones just that much more when we arrive. =D<br />
<br />Campbell and Linda Changhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04137455251581704782noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4465283616490974027.post-18430645755954322982012-11-12T00:37:00.003+08:002012-11-12T00:37:46.924+08:00TortureThose that know me, know that for the most part, I'm a pretty cheery fellow, known for bouts of mischief. However, I have also been told at various times over the years that I can be pretty intimidating. Something about my face when I'm in a bad mood, or am pensive makes me look fierce and threatening. Well, you should have seen me tonight.<br />
<br />
So today was day 4 of our hospital incarceration. Yes. I said incarceration. For that is how it feels being stuck in our tiled 1970s style hospital room. As far as we can tell, the reason the doctors haven't released us is because over the past few days, Alicia's temperature hasn't been stable and she's had a few fevers.<br />
<br />
Well, Linda and I have been making the most of our little staycation at the hospital, and I have to admit that I have been enjoying the extra family time and the fact that Alicia has been especially cuddly since she's been ill.<br />
<br />
But I digress, back to me being fierce and threatening.<br />
<br />
So, for some reason, Alicia really doesn't like having her diaper changed. And over the past few days, she's been especially fussy when we lay her down to change her diaper and she especially struggles when we try to change her clothes, which is made even more complicated by the fact that her right arm has been attached to an IV.<br />
<br />
So tonight before bed, we decided that we could change Alicia's clothes so she could be more comfortable. But that involved getting the nurse to detach her IV which is a process in and of itself. Well, our dear Alicia struggled her way through the IV detachment, and then struggled through us undressing her and dressing her again, so much so that her IV needle got dislodged. Causing blood to go back into the IV, and also around the IV.<br />
<br />
Since we are in the hospital for at least one more day, the nurse said that she would probably need to change the IV, since this one was no good anymore. But just to be sure she would confirm with the doctor.<br />
<br />
So she left our room. Ten minutes later, no news from her. Twenty minutes later, thirty minutes later still no news. Meanwhile, Alicia, has this syringe attached to her IV needle, dangling from her hand, which when she's not trying to eat it, ends up accidentally shoving it into my neck. So we're like, OK, what's going on? So we page the nurses station, and the nurse tells us through the monitor that the doctor is coming to change the IV, but that she's busy at the moment, and will be with us shortly.<br />
<br />
We wait for I don't even know how long, but a long time. By now it's almost 11:00 and I want to put Alicia to bed. So finally, I decide that I am going to carry Alicia out to the nurses station and let them see her darling face, and in the kindest way possible ask them to please ask the doctor to hurry her butt up.<br />
<br />
Well, we get out there, and the nurse sees us and says, "Wow, how did you guys know that the doctor just came up. We were just about to come get you."<br />
<br />
All right, great. Let's get the show on the road.<br />
<br />
So the nurse and the doctor direct us to a side room with a small examination table, and asked us to lay Alicia down.<br />
<br />
Alicia, as I mentioned before, is very aware. As soon as I layed her down on the table, she started to cry and writhe about, probably fearing the worst.<br />
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It took three of us, Linda, a nurse and myself to hold Alicia still while the doctor examined her hand trying to find a vein to insert the new IV into. Linda and I did our best to calm Alicia down by singing to her, and it seemed to work for a bit, but the doctor was just taking FOREVER. She couldn't find a vein.<br />
<br />
Eventually, she asked the nurse to get a light so she could shine it into Alicia's hand and so she could find a vein. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, or a few minutes, depends on who's counting, the doctor found a vein that could possibly work.<br />
<br />
Oh, you should have seen the thrashing that ensued. Oh, man. I thought giving Alicia medicine the sleep medicine was bad. Her crying and bucking only got worse as I watched with trepidation as the doctor gingerly inserted the needle into Alicia's hand. It was horrifying, Alicia cried out in pain and fought tooth and nail trying to get her arm free from the pain that I can only imagine she was experiencing. Finally, I saw the needle go in, and thinking the worse was over, I breathed slightly, only to notice that the doctor started to pull the needle out and then insert it again. In and out, in and out she went several times, all the while Alicia's crying her head off. Finally, I couldn't take it anymore when I could tell that the doctor was having trouble. I finally, said, "Can we please take a break? PLEASE!"<br />
<br />
The doctor, seeing the strain in our eyes and knowing the stress that Alicia must have been going through, kindly agreed, and said, sure let's take a break.<br />
<br />
I couldn't pick Alicia up and get out of that room soon enough. I was doing my best to calm Alicia down, while seething at what I viewed as complete incompetence on the part of the doctor. (For those of you in the medical field, you'll excuse my nasty comments at this point. I realize that the doctor is a very intelligent woman, and she's doing her best, but as a father, I am PISSED OFF.) I walked down the hall with Linda who at this point had taken Alicia into her arms to comfort her, and out of earshot of the doctor, I just started to mumble to Linda. <br />
<br />
"Are you kidding me? What is she doing?! I mean, really? In and out and in and out with that needle. And don't you know that if you're working with an infant, that you cannot take your sweet time trying to find a vein?" I decided that if it was at all possible, that I would not let them do that to her again. So I went over to the doctor, and I asked her if we really, really needed to insert an IV? Couldn't we just use the old one?<br />
<br />
She said that the old one was damaged, and therefore was no good, and that since we were going to be here for one more day, at least, that they needed to insert an IV for Alicia's sake. She also assured me that they had called another doctor who was more experienced to help with the insertion. So I relented, and said, all right, well, let's try again.<br />
<br />
When Linda saw the new doctor she said, "Oh, this is the doctor who helped to take care of Alicia last year when she was in the Sick Baby Room. She's directly under our primary care pediatrician, so she's good." That put my heart at ease . . . until we got back into the examination room.<br />
<br />
By now Alicia had calmed down and was nestling in my arms. But once again as soon as I lay her down on the table, she started crying. This time even harder than before, anticipating what was coming next. I literally had to hold Alicia down with force while once again the doctors searched for a vein. It was pure torture for both Alicia and for Linda and I. Finally she found a vein, and she inserted the needle, once again with lots of struggling and crying from Alicia. But as soon as she got the needle in, she shook her head, the vein had broken under the skin. No good. So out came the needle.<br />
<br />
Linda at this point looked at the doctor and said half-jokingly, here, please take my arm, take my blood. I can't bare it anymore. The doctor looked at Linda and smiled with understanding.<br />
<br />
They were going to try again, but I asked if I could please just hold Alicia and calm her down for a bit first. They agreed. So I took Alicia out of the room once again.<br />
<br />
Once she was calm, we went back into the room to try again for the third time. The first two times, since Alicia's original IV was in her right hand, the doctors were trying to put the IV into her left hand, since they like to alternate hands. However, after seeing that her veins in her left hand were pretty thin, the new doctor decided to try to put it into her right hand again.<br />
<br />
However, this would require the removal of the old IV. Oh, man, another battle, but thankfully, not as much as a struggle as the actual insertion of the IV.<br />
<br />
Well, after the old IV was out, it was time to try to get a new IV in. And once again, the search for a usable vein began. Unable to find one in her hand, the doctor searched for one in her arm, finally they found a vein that could work, and so they began the prep work.<br />
<br />
I'm sure I don't need to mention again that this whole time through the search, the prep, and everything that Linda, the nurse and I are doing the best we can to hold Alicia still, and to keep her from swinging her arms. Our little girl is a fighter, I tell you. She is STRONG. You should have seen the fight that she was putting up.<br />
<br />
Seriously, I felt horrible willingly participate in the torture of my daughter. Well, finally the arm was prepped and the moment of truth was upon us. Before, she inserted the needle, I heard the doctor say, OK, this is the last try. So she inserted the needle, while I held my breath, and to my relief, I saw blood start to flow into the needle. She struck gold! Yahoo!<br />
<br />
Wait, the doctor is shaking her head. Something's wrong. The vein burst again. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! Now I know that it's in no way the doctor's fault. I'm sure that it was a combination of Alicia's delicate veins and also her thrashing about and using force that burst the vein. But my heart really sank. And I had it. I begged the doctors. I asked them if we could please, please not have to insert an IV. <br /><br />They asked how she had been eating the past few days, and Linda and I were quick to say, she's been eating great. Really! And besides, her fever medicine and other meds have been administered orally, I reminded them.<br />
<br />
After considering for a moment, the doctors were merciful, and said that we could just not insert an IV and see how she did tomorrow. I swept Alicia off of the table seething, and marched back to our room as quickly as I could.<br />
<br />
I held Alicia in my arms, but she was still all wound up from the fight, and crying and crying. I felt angry, and sad, and really upset at what had just happened. Linda tried to take Alicia from me to comfort her, and I snapped and said, "I'm fine!" Sorry, honey. Linda just laughed and said, that she thinks her wanting to hold Alicia was more for her comfort than Alicia's. So I passed Alicia over to her, who calmed down right away. Linda really is Alicia's source of comfort for sure.<br />
<br />
Alicia dug her head into her Mom's shoulder and just nuzzled her little face in for comfort. Every once in awhile, she'd peak up from her shoulder to see if I was still there, and I looked into her sad eyes feeling like my heart had been wrung out. <br />
<br />
I was simmering with anger, and started pacing about trying to pack myself up to prepare to go home. All the while ranting and asking why in the world we were still in the hospital. I felt that what we had just gone through was completely unnecessary. Alicia really didn't seem that bad in my eyes. Why were we even there?<br />
<br />
I mean in the end, I had to admit that with all that has happened, it is better for Alicia to be 100% better before we get discharged, but it was just hard!<br />
<br />
As I said on Facebook, earlier, if I never have to see my child ever get pierced or pricked with a needle again it will be too soon.<br />
<br />
Hoping that Linda and Alicia are resting peacefully now. Tomorrow is a new day. And I hope our LAST day in the hospital EVER! Campbell and Linda Changhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04137455251581704782noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4465283616490974027.post-8440419895220775882012-11-11T00:16:00.003+08:002012-11-11T00:16:46.656+08:0072 hours continuedOK... so here we go part 2 of the epic story. =D Don't you love my dramatic flair?<br />
<br />
First, to answer the question that I'm sure many of you have on your minds? Is it Meningitis? ... Thankfully, no!<br />
<br />
Here's how we got to that conclusion.<br />
<br />
So last I left off, we all went to sleep exhausted after a long day of hospital visits.<br />
<br />
The next morning, we all woke up after not really resting solidly throughout the night. The doctor came in to check in on Alicia around 9:00 and told us that he wants to schedule Alicia for a brain scan later that morning in order to rule out any abnormalities in brain function. This scan would be different from the sonogram in that it would measure brain waves and not just show a picture of her brain.<br />
<br />
Also, knowing that the ophthalmologist had some concerns over Alicia's eyes, he also ordered a test done that would measure on a neurological level how well her eyes were transmitting signals to her visual receptors. Both tests would be done that day.<br />
<br />
Now, what you just read, I hope seemed pretty coherent. Very different from my state when the doctor was talking to me. When the doctor, spoke I did NOT get all that information at all. All I knew was that she was going to get some sort of test done sometime during the day. In fact, I find that a lot of times when doctors speak, it's only in processing back the information that I really understand everything that they were saying to me.<br />
<br />
Anyway, so back to the tests. Both of these tests involved putting Alicia to sleep, so about half an hour after the doctor left, a nurse came in and gave us a dosage of sleep medicine to give to Alicia orally. Simple enough, right? NOT.<br />
<br />
This medicine apparently is really bitter and kids really dislike the taste of it. Linda has had a lot of experience with this medicine, since she had to on two prior occasions give Alicia the same medicine to put her to sleep for a couple of auditory tests done earlier in the year. Knowing Alicia's reaction to taking this medicine, it was with dread that we faced the task of feeding it to her.<br />
<br />
Knowing that the medicine was really horrid tasting and that Alicia wouldn't like it, we asked the nurses if they had any kind of syrup or sugar to help the medicine go down. (Anyone humming Mary Poppins?) The nurse matter of factly told us no, they didn't, as if it wasn't their concern how we got the medicine down Alicia's throat.<br />
<br />
Well, we took a deep breath, and decided to try our best. Oh, man, you should have seen Alicia's reaction as soon as she saw the medicine. We could barely get a drop in, so I told Linda to go downstairs to a coffee shop or somewhere to see if we could get some syrup. So she left, and I sat there with Alicia trying to figure out how to get this medicine into her.<br />
<br />
That's when the nurse came in. She saw me struggling and asked me where Mom was. And I said she went to get some sugar. The nurse looked at me and said, "There's not enough time. The test is at 10:30 and it was already 10:00. We need her sound asleep for the test. Give me the medicine, I'll help you." <br />
<br />
Oh, man, what happened next was a scene straight out of a horror movie. You should have seen Alicia kicking and screaming and thrashing about as I held her head and body still as the nurse dropped the medicine down her throat. Wow. You would have thought we were burning her alive, the way that Alicia was reacting. I felt like a horrible man for willingly participating in the "torture" of my daughter.<br />
<br />
Well, as soon as we got the medicine down, in comes Linda with the syrup. Too late honey.<br />
<br />
We thought we would maybe give Alicia some of the sugar to wash the taste out of her mouth. She would have none of it. We ended up dropping most of the sugar on our bed and just giving up on the endeavor.<br />
<br />
Eventually, Alicia fell asleep in my arms, and it was time for us to bring her down for the test.<br />
<br />
Oh, man. Another battle. Alicia is a very sensitive girl and quite aware of her surroundings. We brought her into the testing room, and as soon as we layed her down on the bed, she would awake and start crying. So we picked her up to calm her down and get her back to sleep. As soon as she was asleep, we would try again. Again, as soon as her body hit the bed, she had another crying fit.<br />
<br />
The technician felt bad for Alicia, since her eyes were getting all red and swollen from all the crying, so she said, maybe we should just take Alicia back to our room, keep her awake, and then later on in the afternoon, we could bring her back when she was more sleepy.<br />
<br />
So we picked Alicia up, pushed her IV stand and started walking back to our room. Half way back to our room, we realized that the medicine was really taking effect, and that no matter what we did, Alicia would NOT wake up, so we decided to go back and see if we could try again.<br />
<br />
The technician was gracious and allowed us into the room again. Thinking she was fast asleep, we started to lay Alicia down, but once again, she woke up crying. Linda decided to see if her mother's touch could calm Alicia down enough to let her sleep. So she picked her up, rocked her back to sleep, and tried to lay her down. Again, to no avail.<br />
<br />
Eventually, what we ended up doing was Linda rocked Alicia to sleep, and then as soon as she was asleep, Linda climbed onto the bed, and lay her down, and then lay on top of her until Alicia calmed down enough to fall asleep. Thankfully, after 30 min of battling with her, Alicia finally fell asleep enough to get the sensors on her head, and finish the test.<br />
<br />
Forty-five minutes later, we were back in our room, and Alicia was out like a light on her bed.<br />
<br />
We got to rest for a couple of hours, and then we were informed that it was time for Alicia's second test.<br />
<br />
I won't go into all the details of the second test, but suffice it to say, we went through the whole ordeal again. At first, we thought we didn't need to give her another dose of the medicine, but as soon as we laid Alicia down on the bed, she woke up and this time she became wide awake. So we had to go through the process of feeding her the medicine, rocking her to sleep and then gingerly putting her down only to have her wake up again.<br />
<br />
This time, we decided that when we put her down, we would just let her cry herself to sleep, which thankfully she did. At which point, Linda and I left the room and let the technician do her thing.<br />
<br />
This time the test took about 20 minutes, and we were back in our room.<br />
<br />
A few hours later, Alicia's doctor who is a specialist in pediatric brain development and neurology came and gave us the results of her test. He told us that there was nothing too abnormal with Alicia's brain function. Praise God. He said of course, because of the brain damage she suffered when she was born, her right brain was not firing at the same rate as her left brain. But he said that was to be expected. And at this point he said it wasn't anything too big to be concerned about.<br />
<br />
He said that since all tests came back normal, his diagnosis was that Alicia had the spasms most likely due to the fever. He said that the first 72 hours after an instance of seizure is critical so he wanted us to say in the hospital to monitor Alicia's fever, and also to see if she would have another episode. <br />
<br />
As for the eye exam, he explained to us that the test measured how quickly it would take for a signal to go from the eyes to the visual receptors in the back of the brain. He said that for Alicia her results were a few milliseconds off from normal, but that as she grew older this would be barely noticeable, and again nothing he's too concerned about right now.<br />
<br />
So thankfully, our Alicia is doing well.<br />
<br />
The past few days have been just a lot of resting and sleeping for her, and a lot of us fighting to get medicine down her throat.<br />
<br />
But overall it's been a great time of rest, and for the family to be together. Definitely a lot of cuddle time for me and baby girl, which I am enjoying, despite the soreness and crampiness I get in my body after lying in bed for hours at a time.<br />
<br />
Praying that Alicia can quickly get this virus out of her body, so that we can all go home and get some proper rest.<br />
<br />
Pray with us that Alicia can get well quickly, and that she can go back to being her smiley cheerful self again soon. <br />
<br />
<br />Campbell and Linda Changhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04137455251581704782noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4465283616490974027.post-84143367577227417852012-11-10T00:39:00.001+08:002012-11-10T00:40:13.378+08:0072 hoursIt has been quite an eventful 72 hours in the Chang family. (I warn
you ahead of time that this post might be a little on the long side, so
take it in stride.)<br />
<br />
It started Wednesday, when we noticed
that Alicia was a bit fussier than normal. She wouldn't eat, wouldn't
sleep and wouldn't let Linda put her down. At first we thought maybe she
was just teething and therefore wasn't feeling well. But by that
evening, right before we put her to bed, we realized that she was hotter
than usual, and after taking her temperature, we discovered that she
had developed a fever.<br />
<br />
Somewhere along the line we had
heard that belief that kids develop fevers when they're teething, so we
thought maybe the fever was just a result of the new teeth coming in.
(We found out later that kids do not get fevers when teeth come in.) So
we went to bed.<br />
<br />
In the morning, Alicia's temperature had
gone down, so we thought we were in the clear. We went through our
regular morning routine. I went to work, Linda stayed home and took care
of Alicia. Around noon, Linda brought Alicia to the office to meet me
for lunch, and that was the start of what would be the craziest two days
we've had in a long time.<br />
<br />
During lunch we noticed that
Alicia really had no appetite, and she was more lethargic than usual. We
thought maybe again, that she was just not feeling well because of her
teeth. So we just let her nap while we ate lunch. After lunch, Linda
needed to run an errand, so I took Alicia back with me to the office.
While sitting at my desk, Alicia nestled into my chest and just kind of
laid there, which is quite unusual for our little ball of energy.
Usually when sitting with me, she's pushing herself away from me, trying
to get a peak at what Daddy's doing on the computer, or trying to grab
something on my desk. But not this time. This time she kind of just laid
there in a stupor.<br />
<br />
Suddenly, Alicia awoke with a start
and started coughing and dry-heaving. Knowing what was coming next, I
grabbed the garbage can and positioned her head over it. Thankfully,
nothing came out, and she just settled back into my chest. A few minutes
later, however, she did it again, this time, she did actually throw up,
what I can only guess was her breakfast, since she hadn't eaten
anything at lunch.<br />
<br />
At that point, I noticed Linda had
texted asking me how things were going, and I told her about what had
just happened, and so said she was coming back right away.<br />
<br />
As
soon as Linda got back to the office, we packed our stuff, I shut down
my computer, took care of some last minute office business, and we
rushed off to the hospital with one of my co-workers who has been sort
of a God-mother to Alicia over the past few months.<br />
<br />
My
co-worker has a son who had several medical conditions when he was
younger, so she was on pretty familiar terms with the pediatricians at
the hospital that Alicia frequents. This came in real handy when we
realized that the pediatrician with clinic hours at that moment was
booked solid and without connections there was no way we were going to
be able to get in to see him.<br />
<br />
Well, when we got to the
hospital, we went straight up to the doctor's office, my co-worker
walked right into the office and greeted the doctor, got a pass, giving
us permission to get an appointment with him, and booked an appointment
to see him that afternoon. Praise God.<br />
<br />
After waiting for a
few minutes, while he finished up with a patient, we finally went in to
see the doctor. We explained her symptoms and after examining her ear,
nose and throat, she said that she probably had a slight case of an
infection. Nothing to worry about. He prescribed some fever medicine in
case she started to burn up again. But said that she should be fine.<br />
<br />
We
took the opportunity to ask him to look over some of the results of a
head sonogram that Alicia had gotten about a month ago. He looked at the
scans and said that the PVL (brain trauma) she sustained at birth, was
still there, but it looked like it hadn't gotten bigger, so again
nothing to worry about. It meant that we would need to be more wary of
her motor skills on the left side of her body, and help her to practice
those movements as much as possible. But overall, he said nothing to be
concerned about, that in time, she would be OK. And he sent us home.<br />
<br />
On
the way home, as I was holding her, I noticed that her left hand and
arm was twitching. Every second or so, her hand would squeeze and her
arm would jerk. At first, I thought maybe it was a side effect of being
hungry and not eating all day, cause I noticed that she had also been
shivering earlier in the day. We got her home, and Linda told me to give
her a bath to wash off any germs or bacteria that may have gotten on
her from the hospital.<br />
<br />
While giving her the bath, I
noticed her arm continued to twitch despite me having given her a
cracker prior to putting her into the bathtub. So after the bath, while
dressing her, I pointed out the twitch to Linda. When Linda saw the
twitch she thought it was pretty weird too. So we started praying. I know some of you don't believe in the whole spiritual warfare thing,
but I just had a sense that something was off in the spiritual realm, so
I just declared the blood of Jesus over my daughter, and I took
authority as her father over her body, and cast out any spirits that
were not of God in the name of Jesus. After a few minutes of prayer, her
arm stopped twitching. <br />
<br />
But then we noticed that Alicia
wouldn't look at us when we called out to her. She kept looking over to
her left side, and I noticed that her eyes were rolling into her sockets
to the point where her right pupil nearly disappeared behind her nose. I
went into serious prayer time at that point. And eventually she came
out of it.<br />
<br />
Still not sure what that was, Linda called
my co-worker who had helped us earlier, who called the hospital and
talked directly to our doctor, who told us to go right back to the
hospital for him to check her out.<br />
<br />
So back into the
cab we went, and back to the hospital for a second time that day. When
we got there, we waited a few minutes, and the doctor admitted us, and
examined Alicia. At that point she had returned to normal, so he asked
us how long she was twitching for, and said that she had probably had a
local seizure. He said the cause of the spasms could be multiple
reasons. It could be that because she had a fever, that the fever
triggered some misfiring in her brain. Or, he said it could be that some
nerves finally connected from her brain to her arm, and so it was now
sending new signals causing her to twitch. In any case, he prescribed
her some epileptic medicine, which was kind of freaky when we saw that
being typed onto the computer. Also, he told us to schedule a brain
scan. He told us that unless she had another episode, that we were not
to give her the medicine until after the scan, because it would affect
the results.<br />
<br />
So again, we collected our medicine and
went back home. Back home, we tried to settle in a bit. Linda went out
to get dinner for us, while I stayed home and took care of Alicia. Again
she was pretty much just lethargic and laid in my arms without moving
too much. Thinking that she was probably hungry, I tried to feed her a
bit of food, at which point she promptly threw up. After throwing up,
she went back to lying in my arms and fell asleep. When Linda got home, I
put Alicia down on the couch to sleep, so I could eat. Over dinner, I
told Linda about Alicia throwing up, and she naturally was a bit
worried and wanted to go back to the hospital. Being American, and also,
having been to the hospital twice that day already, I tried to dissuade
her. And Linda agreed to just observe her for a bit longer.<br />
<br />
Linda,
being the loving mother she is, was feeling really anxious about Alicia
and her condition. She really wondered whether we needed to go back to
the hospital, and was really worried about whether Alicia would be OK. I
could tell that she was really just sad and nervous about Alicia's
condition. Alicia hadn't really smiled in the few hours since lunch, and
Linda said something that I think captures what she was thinking at
that time, pretty well. Linda said, "What if we never see her smile and
laugh again?"<br />
<br />
For some reason, I at that point just
felt convinced that Alicia was going to be OK. And Linda asked me if I
was scared, and I said, no. Alicia was going to be fine. We as the
children of God have authority over sickness, so we needn't worry. We
had a God, a Heavenly Father who was in full control, so we didn't need
to be anxious. And besides, being anxious wouldn't fix anything. Linda
listened and took it in, but still I could tell she wasn't completely at
ease. <br />
<br />
I mentioned that I hadn't given Alicia any
water after she threw up, so we decided to wake her up so we could give
her some juice. She seemed OK after the juice, but after a few minutes
she threw up again. At which point Linda decided we really needed some
people praying for us, so she called some friends. And I could hear her
sobbing outside with weariness and concern.<br />
<br />
About a half
an hour after the juice, we tried to give Alicia some milk, thinking
that she was probably hungry. Again... throw up. This time Linda was
convinced we needed to go back to the hospital, so she called our friend
again to see what she should do. My co-worker told her just to wait a
bit and see what would happen. If Alicia threw up again, then we should
go straight to the emergency room.<br />
<br />
After hanging up
with her, Alicia did in fact give one last heave-ho, so Linda promptly
went to our room, packed a suitcase, we called the cab and off we went
for our third trip to the hospital in less than 12 hours. While waiting
for the cab to arrive at our house, I noticed a change in Linda's
demeanor. She became strong and confident. It was almost as if, once we
decided we were going to go back to the hospital, God's courage and
strength surged into her, and she started taking charge. Which was
actually good, because after Alicia's last upsurge, I felt myself just
depleted. I was just emotionally drained and was on the verge of tears.<br />
<br />
Again, I couldn't help but marvel at God's blessing in allowing us to be on a see-saw and not both be down at the same time. <br />
<br />
When
we got to the emergency room, we had to wait in line to register
Alicia. Finally, we got admitted and got sent to the pediatric section
of the ER. We explained to the doctor what had happened that day, with
the fever and also the spasms and we asked if we could be admitted. He
looked Alicia over and said, sure. He promptly called and got us a room.
Reading her reports from that day, he said that she probably just had a
virus of some sort, and told us to give her some of the fever medicine
that her pediatrician had prescribed earlier. While talking to him I
noticed that Alicia's arm was going off again.<br />
<br />
At
first, I thought maybe Alicia was just moving her arms like she does
when she's trying to dissuade someone from touching her, but I noticed
that it was twitching in the same way it was earlier. Since our
pediatrician hadn't seen Alicia when she was twitching earlier, I asked
the ER doctor if this was considered a spasms/seizure since I wasn't
sure if I was just maybe misreading or imagining things earlier. He said
that if we held her arm, and it stopped then it didn't count as a
spasms.<br />
<br />
But when he told hold of her arm, she
continued to twitch, so he said, yes. These were definitely spasms, so
he told us to give her the medicine that our pediatrician had
prescribed. Then he told us to go over to the side and wait, so they
could get a blood sample, and insert an IV into Alicia and wait for them
to get our room ready. While getting her IV inserted, I noticed that
Alicia was once again looking to her left and her eyes did the rolling
into her socket thing again, so I know that I hadn't been seeing things
earlier. But just as soon as it started, it stopped and Alicia calmed
down.<br />
<br />
While we were waiting for our room, the ER
doctor came over and talked to us some more. He said that judging by the
fever and the spasms, one possibility was that she had a case of
meningitis. What's that you ask? Well, we had to ask the same question.
It's basically, a bacterial infection of the membranes covering the
brain. Sounds scary, right? Yeah. Well, he said they needed to run some
tests, but seeing her symptoms, it was a possibility.<br />
<br />
Of
course, I at that point promptly whipped out my cellphone and started
researching meningitis. At which point a nurse came and took us up to
our room.<br />
<br />
We finally got settled into our room, and
laid down to get some much needed rest after a long and harrowing day.
Little did we know that the next day would be even more tiring.<br />
<br />
Since this is getting long, I'll end this story here. And pick it up tomorrow. =D <br />
<br />
To be continued . . . <br />
<br />
<br />Campbell and Linda Changhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04137455251581704782noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4465283616490974027.post-62800036401254977982012-08-30T11:14:00.001+08:002012-08-30T11:14:26.570+08:00Her EyesHey Friends,<br />
<br />
When you get the chance, would you please pray for Alicia's eyes?<br />
<br />
Linda took Alicia to see the eye doctor today for a followup appointment. According to him, Alicia has some degree of myopia or nearsightedness of about 400-500. And I've noticed this too at home, that when I'm far away from her, she doesn't seem to be able to see me. Sometimes, I'll sit far away from her, and I'll call her name, and she will respond, but not by looking at me. She'll kind of look around to try to find where I am. And I'm not hiding in any way, I'm just sitting far away from her. This doesn't concern me too much, since most Asians grow up wearing glasses or corrective lenses so that's not the end of the world. Besides, I think kids with glasses are cute. =D Of course, ideally, she won't need any glasses at all, and will have perfect vision, because no matter what, glasses or contacts do get to be burdensome at times.<br />
<br />
The one thing the doctor is slightly concerned about is that he noticed when Alicia looks at things up close, her right eye doesn't seem to move to the right very well, resulting in her being a bit cross-eyed. He says if this condition doesn't improve, it may require surgery to correct the positioning of her eye. Not simply laser surgery, but actually physical surgery that re-positions the eyeball.<br />
<br />
Naturally, any time we hear the word surgery, especially for a child so young, our hearts cringe and get heavy. But my belief is that Alicia will be fine. We prayed and will continue to pray, and we believe that every part of Alicia's life and body is in God's hands. He's got her.<br />
<br />
So we're praying and believing that she won't need this surgery and that God will restore her vision to 20/20. =D <br />
<br />
So please pray with us, and for us as this is another aspect of Alicia's development that we will need to monitor and continue to follow up on. Ask God to give Linda's Momma's heart peace that Alicia will be A-Okay! =D<br />
<br />
Thanks, friends.<br />
<br />
CampbellCampbell and Linda Changhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04137455251581704782noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4465283616490974027.post-24179472086934345152012-08-14T16:32:00.003+08:002012-08-14T16:38:20.568+08:00Therapy<br />
<div>
<span class="681572707-14082012"><span style="font-family: Arial;"><strong>Hi Friends!</strong></span></span></div>
<div>
<span class="681572707-14082012"><span style="font-family: Arial;"><strong><br /></strong></span></span></div>
<div>
<span class="681572707-14082012"><span style="font-family: Arial;"><strong>I'm sorry, I've been so absent from the blogosphere. On the one hand we've been busy with life and taking care of Alicia. On the other hand part of me has felt that things have been pretty steady and there isn't too much to report. </strong></span></span></div>
<div>
<span class="681572707-14082012"><span style="font-family: Arial;"><strong><br /></strong></span></span></div>
<div>
<span class="681572707-14082012"><span style="font-family: Arial;"><strong>But allow me to catch you up a bit on the last few months.</strong></span></span></div>
<div>
<span class="681572707-14082012"><span style="font-family: Arial;"><strong><br /></strong></span></span></div>
<div>
<span class="681572707-14082012"><span style="font-family: Arial;"><strong>In the few months since my last post, we've been busy. In July, my mom, brother, and sister-in-law came to visit for us for a few weeks. That was a lot of fun. I especially loved meeting my new niece, Hope, for the first time, and seeing her and Alicia interact and play together. </strong></span></span></div>
<div>
<span class="681572707-14082012"><span style="font-family: Arial;"><strong><br /></strong></span></span></div>
<div>
<span class="681572707-14082012"><span style="font-family: Arial;"><strong>Hope and Alicia were originally due two weeks apart last September, so it was interesting to observe Hope and see her size, and her development knowing that Alicia developmentally should actually be about at the same place. I know that as parents we're not supposed to compare. And I wasn't really comparing in the "who's better" kind of way, but I was just kind of using Hope as a reference. </strong></span></span></div>
<div>
<span class="681572707-14082012"><span style="font-family: Arial;"><strong><br /></strong></span></span></div>
<div>
<span class="681572707-14082012"><span style="font-family: Arial;"><strong>In the end, I realized that each child is unique, and it was good to see what a kid born under normal circumstances would be like, but also to appreciate all that Alicia has been through and to celebrate who she is and her uniqueness. </strong></span></span></div>
<div>
<span class="681572707-14082012"><span style="font-family: Arial;"><strong><br /></strong></span></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Arial;"><b>During the time of my family's visit, Alicia started creeping and doing the "army crawl" as some people call it. At first, I had thought it was a fluke. One day I put Alicia down on the floor, I turned my back, and the next thing I knew she was farther away from me than I remembered. I thought I was maybe seeing things, but as the days progressed, I noticed her getting farther and farther away, until it was pretty clear, that, yes, indeed, our daughter was mobile. </b></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Arial;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Arial;"><b>And boy was she mobile. Before things like wires and stuff were no threat, now we have to constantly watch her and set up barriers, otherwise, we will end up with a big mess, in many, many ways. </b></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Arial;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Arial;"><b>So that's a huge thing to celebrate and be grateful over. </b></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Arial;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Arial;"><b>Another great thing is that through some family connections we were able to get Alicia an appointment with one of the premier pediatric physical therapy hospitals in Taiwan. While Alicia has been getting regular checkups and evaluations at our current hospital, and for the most part was falling under the range of "normal", our pediatrician still recommended that we take Alicia to another hospital for a second opinion. I think she saw a few things in Alicia that indicated slight developmental delays, so she felt that it might be better to go to a hospital with a stronger physical therapy department. </b></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Arial;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Arial;"><b>We went to one hospital and we just got a bad feeling all around. The doctor there barely gave us the time of day. When we walked into the office, he didn't even look at Alicia. He simply looked at her records, entered it into the computer and then sent us away to set up an appointment for therapy. When we went to set up the appointment we were told that there was a waiting list and that we would need to wait two to three weeks for a physical therapist to become available and SIX MONTHS for a speech therapist. SIX MONTHS! Well, thinking there was nothing we could do, we put Alicia on the list. </b></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Arial;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Arial;"><b>One month later we still had not heard a word from this hospital. Even though they had told us they'd be in touch in a couple of weeks. BIG RED X on that hospital. Thankfully in the meantime, my aunt whose father (my great-uncle) has a lot of connections with doctors was able to contact one of the heads of physical therapy at another local hospital. Things at this hospital were a completely different story. </b></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Arial;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Arial;"><b>They too were booked solid, but thankfully because of our connections, we were able to get Alicia an appointment with a team of therapists that was recently vacated because of a cancellation. Within a week, Linda and Alicia were at the hospital visiting with a team of therapist and setting up appointments for further evaluation. </b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Arial;"><b>Over the next few weeks, Linda took Alicia to meet with four therapists- a physical therapist, a cognitive therapist, an occupational therapist and a speech therapist. Each evaluated Alicia and wrote their prognosis of Alicia's development up to that point. The evaluation covered things like, motor skills (sitting, creeping, crawling, etc...), speech (cooing, babbling, etc...), cognitive skills (picking things up, reaching, etc...),</b></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Arial;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Arial;"><b>Today, Linda went back to get the results. </b></span><b style="font-family: Arial;">Unfortunately, the results were not as glowing as we had hoped.</b></div>
<div>
</div>
<div>
<span class="681572707-14082012"><strong><span style="font-family: Arial;">When you think of it, we could definitely use your prayers for both Linda and Alicia. </span></strong></span></div>
<div>
</div>
<div>
<strong><span style="font-family: Arial;">First, they weighed
Alicia and in the two months since she was last weighed, she's only gained about
3 ounces which is really not a lot at all. Now we're not sure if it's just
because there is a discrepancy between the scales at the two hospitals or what, but this bit of news was a
little disheartening for Linda. I'm sure you can imagine, as a mom, you really
hope and pray that your kids are getting bigger and stronger every day. And
especially for a Mom of a preemie, you really hope that they're getting heavier
and growing. You hope that all the struggle of trying to get your baby to eat would result in some weight-gain. But to find out that she's barely gained any weight at all is a bit
discouraging.</span></strong></div>
<div>
</div>
<div>
<span class="681572707-14082012"><strong><span style="font-family: Arial;">Then, she met with
the cognitive therapist and he shared some concern because a few months ago when
they did the evaluation, they felt that Alicia was doing pretty well, she was
cooing and making sounds and doing about 80% of what other kids at her age were
doing. But now, she's almost one year old (based on her original due date) and
according to the therapist, Alicia hasn't progressed very much since her
evaluation. </span></strong></span></div>
<div>
</div>
<div>
<span class="681572707-14082012"><strong><span style="font-family: Arial;">So after hearing
the news, Linda was just feeling really down and discouraged and really doubting
her capabilities as a mother. She was feeling like she was not doing enough for Alicia, and that she was taking her out too much, and being too lax with her schedule, etc... Doubts that I'm sure many moms face. Definitely, definitely lies from the enemy.</span></strong></span></div>
<div>
</div>
<div>
<span class="681572707-14082012"><strong><span style="font-family: Arial;">To add insult to
injury, after walking out of the therapist office, she saw other moms with their
babies and all of them had their moms or mother-in-laws with them supporting them. And being that both of our moms are in the states, she was
just feeling like she was on her own dealing with all of this. Now, Linda is a strong woman, so for her to feel
like this really shows that she's struggling. As a husband it's hard for me to
hear this, because I want to be there to support her and to encourage her, but I
couldn't because I've got my work responsibilities. </span></strong></span></div>
<div>
</div>
<div>
<span class="681572707-14082012"><strong><span style="font-family: Arial;">Praise God though,
that he is ever present and he is always with us wherever we go. We are never
alone. And Linda knows that and she takes great comfort in that. And praise God
that Alicia's life and development is in his hands. The doctors are experts but
they are not God. They can only evaluate based on what they know from past
experience. Our God is Jehovah Rapha the great healer. He is Alicia's creator
and he knows how her body works. </span></strong></span></div>
<div>
<span class="681572707-14082012"><strong><span style="font-family: Arial;"><br /></span></strong></span></div>
<div>
<span class="681572707-14082012"><strong><span style="font-family: Arial;">So I have no doubt that Alicia is going to be perfectly healthy and normal. God gave us a verse for Alicia when she was still in her incubator.</span></strong></span></div>
<div>
<span class="681572707-14082012"><strong><span style="font-family: Arial;">Psalm 118:17 "I will not die, but live and proclaim what the LORD has done." </span></strong></span></div>
<div>
<span class="681572707-14082012"><strong><span style="font-family: Arial;"><br /></span></strong></span></div>
<div>
<span class="681572707-14082012"><strong><span style="font-family: Arial;">Alicia WILL proclaim what the Lord has done, and while yes, I know that there are many ways to proclaim other than through words, but I BELIEVE that she is meant to proclaim through speech the miracles that the LORD has done in her life and in her body. I KNOW and I KNOW that my daughter will speak. She will run. She will dance. She will sing. She will play. She will pray. She will do all of the things that any healthy child will do and MORE! </span></strong></span></div>
<div>
<span class="681572707-14082012"><strong><span style="font-family: Arial;"><br /></span></strong></span></div>
<div>
<span class="681572707-14082012"><strong><span style="font-family: Arial;">And once again, I am faced with the decision, do I listen to the therapist and get discouraged or do I take it as a message from God showing us how to pray and how to bless our little girl. I am going to take it as the second, thank you! And I rejoice! I rejoice that God has shown us how to pray and what to pray for. I rejoice that we get to witness in so many, so many ways God's miraculous power. </span></strong></span></div>
<div>
<span class="681572707-14082012"><strong><span style="font-family: Arial;"><br /></span></strong></span></div>
<div>
<span class="681572707-14082012"><strong><span style="font-family: Arial;">You know, we all want miracles, but none of us want to be in a place where we need to receive one. Well, I thank God that he has put us in a place where we can not only see him work, but also that we can be witnesses and proclaim his miraculous work in our lives. I thank him for showing us where there is "lack" so we can pray "fullness" and "completeness" into that void. </span></strong></span></div>
<div>
<span class="681572707-14082012"><strong><span style="font-family: Arial;"><br /></span></strong></span></div>
<div>
<span class="681572707-14082012"><strong><span style="font-family: Arial;">It is an absolute privilege to be aware of where things are maybe not ideal, and then to watch how God make the undesirable things into fantastic things, how he takes the imperfections and weaves them into masterpieces. So, yeah, I love that we are now aware of where Alicia might have some challenges, so we get to see how he's going to remove them and make them into her advantages. Yes!</span></strong></span></div>
<div>
<span class="681572707-14082012"><strong><span style="font-family: Arial;"><br />We thank the Lord, that he has provided for us a place where Alicia can get amazing help, so that she can get a leg up. We thank the Lord, that we live in a country where these things are covered by insurance, so we are barely paying anything out of pocket for all of this. </span></strong></span></div>
<div>
<span class="681572707-14082012"><strong><span style="font-family: Arial;"><br /></span></strong></span></div>
<div>
<span class="681572707-14082012"><strong><span style="font-family: Arial;">SO PRAISE GOD. PRAISE GOD that we are made aware of a "problem". So that we can watch how he solves it. How exciting!</span></strong></span><br />
<span class="681572707-14082012"><strong><span style="font-family: Arial;"><br /></span></strong></span>
<span class="681572707-14082012"><strong><span style="font-family: Arial;">Right now, I'm waiting to hear back from Linda about the other therapists. But I have peace. I'll try to keep you posted as the information comes in, but in the meantime, </span></strong></span><strong><span style="font-family: Arial;">join with us, will you?! Let's pray complete healing and wholeness for Alicia. Pray that she would catch up developmentally and even surpass those of the same age group. Also praying
for peace for Linda that she would know that she is a great Mom and just be able
to give any discouragement over to God. And just pray that Linda and I would
have wisdom on how to help Alicia, to be the best parents we can be, and to train her up in the way that SHE should go!</span></strong></div>
<div>
</div>
<div>
<span class="681572707-14082012"><strong><span style="font-family: Arial;">Thanks for walking
with us through all of this. You guys are the best!</span></strong></span></div>
<div>
</div>
<div>
<span class="681572707-14082012"><strong><span style="font-family: Arial;">Love,</span></strong></span></div>
<div>
<span class="681572707-14082012"><strong><span style="font-family: Arial;">Campbell
</span></strong></span></div>
<div>
<span class="681572707-14082012"><strong><span style="font-family: Arial;"><br /></span></strong></span></div>
<div>
<span class="681572707-14082012"><strong><span style="font-family: Arial;">P.S. I forgot one HUGE praise! It's a well-known fact that preemies and ex-preemies often have weaker immune systems than most. We've heard many stories and warnings of preemies who are constantly getting sick. Well, not our Alicia, by God's grace, in the 10 months that we've had her at home with us, she has only had a slight cold once, and has been otherwise the epitome of health! We are SO SO thankful and rejoice over that. As anyone with kids knows, having a sick baby is no fun. So we thank God for protecting Alicia and keeping her so healthy and strong. =D More Lord, More!</span></strong></span></div>
<div>
</div>
Campbell and Linda Changhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04137455251581704782noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4465283616490974027.post-10284736174761724262012-05-28T23:29:00.001+08:002012-05-29T08:57:11.931+08:00One Year Old!It is the eve, of our dear Alicia's first birthday. I can hardly believe that it's been a year since the dramatic entrance of our beloved daughter.<br />
<br />
At first, I was going to wait until tomorrow to write, but then I realized that today is actually the day to be celebrating. Today is the anniversary of one of the most dramatic days of my life. Today is the day when we made some of the biggest decisions in our lives.<br />
<br />
A year ago today, Alicia was still inside Linda's womb, and we had yet to meet or know our baby girl. To me, all I knew of my baby girl were some blurry gray sonograms and what I imagined in my mind. I had no idea what she would look like, what she was capable of, how strong she was, or even the fact that she was indeed a she.<br />
<br />
How far we have come.<br />
<br />
I still remember those first weary, draining hours waiting outside the OR, for news of Alicia's safe delivery. Then seeing a bundle of pink inside an incubator whizzing past me as she was rushed to the NICU. The memory of waiting outside the then unfamiliar stainless steel door of the NICU with my sister-in-law, her husband, and my cousin-in-law, bleary-eyed and dazed, yet unable to sleep because I was excited and yet anxious to hear the status of my newborn baby girl.<br />
<br />
Of course, those first few moments when I saw Alicia will forever be etched in my memory. Walking into the NICU, seeing and being introduced to my micro-preemie palm-sized fairy for the first time, all skin and bones, splayed out with tubes and wires sticking out every which way like some sort of crude biology experiment. It's not an image that I will quickly forget.<br />
<br />
Also Alicia's doctor, who at that time was a stranger, now a dear friend, pulling me aside and explaining to me in a strange "foreign language" about everything that was "wrong" with my baby and signing papers giving the her and her team permission to begin treatment. It was at that moment that I really felt like I was no longer a kid. In the past my signature carried the authority to impact my life and maybe Linda's life at times. But for the first time, my signature carried the power over someone who was completely dependent on me. The very act of signing or not signing could mean life or death to this new human being who was only hours old.<br />
<br />
Man. Amazing how far we've come.<br />
<br />
The three of us- Linda, Alicia and I - have really grown into a family since those early days in the hospital. Alicia is a delight to us and everyone who she comes in contact with. Her smile can brighten up any dull or dreary day and her laughter can raise any sunken spirit. She loves rice cereal made with beef broth. She loves music. She loves paper and other things that crinkle. She LOVES to jump. She can roll over like a pro. She has four teeth and a fifth one that is due to make it's debut any day now. She has started to recognize people and will smile when she sees people she knows. And yet she's not afraid of strangers. She is fascinated by people, and when she meets someone new she will look intently at them as if she is studying their face and trying to memorize or figure out who they are. She loves her hands and you can always tell when she's nervous, because she will just stare mesmerized at her hands and refuse to look up. She sleeps through the night with the best of them, and usually wakes up with a smile. She rarely cries except for when she's extremely hungry or tired.<br />
<br />
As for her weight, some of you will remember my daily reports of her weight during her stay in the hospital. Well, it's been over a month since her last hospital visit, so I have no idea of her real weight at this point, but for sure she has grown to more than 11X her birth weight. Amazing, eh? She's outgrown countless outfits and is even starting to outgrow small-sized diapers. In fact, Linda and I just purchased a box of medium-sized diapers for her. We sure have come a long way since her diaper dress days.<br />
<br />
These days, when I look back at photos from the early days, I marvel at just how faithful God is. How he has truly been our rock and our provider. How he has kept us steady and been our refuge in the midst of the storm.<br />
<br />
Not that I wish you calamity, but I do wish that you would experience just once how amazing it is to have Jehovah-Shammah - the ever present God and Emmanuel with you through any and all circumstances, and how amazing it is to have him as a shelter while things are whirling about you like a tornado. I wish that you could experience this peace that surpasses all understanding and the confidence of knowing that no matter what happens, things will work out for the good of those who are called according to his purpose.<br />
<br />
Our journey with Alicia has only begun, I look forward to the days of teaching her how to walk, and dance and sing. I look forward to hearing her calling me Daddy for the first time. I look forward to seeing her learn new things and participating in the wonder of discovery with her.<br />
<br />
I must take the time right now to thank all of the different angels that have come along side us over this past year to bless us, guide us, pray for us and cheer us on. We cherish each one of you.<br />
<br />
Much Love,<br />
Campbell a.k.a Alicia's Dad<br />
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HEY ALICIA! HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT TURNING 1?</div>
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I SUPER LIKE!</div>
<br />Campbell and Linda Changhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04137455251581704782noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4465283616490974027.post-65667646965956390492012-04-28T22:12:00.000+08:002012-04-28T22:15:24.547+08:00The Race to AmazingI, Linda, will be getting up tomorrow morning at 5AM. Why the (l)insanity? Because I am participating in the 2012 Nike Amazing Women Race. The (direct translation of the) slogan of the race is "Together Amazing" or in more colloquial terms, "Let's be amazing together". This is my first race. Ever. Actually this is the first time I am paying to run. Well, to be even more candid, tomorrow will be the first time I'll be "running" more than a mile since jr. high. I was in band in high school; that took care of the P.E. requirement. Yay! Go band!<br />
<br />
When Emily, one of my closest girlfriends who is also an amazing athlete herself, asked me to run with her, I thought she lost her marbles. I don't run. I don't like running. I definitely don't feel God's pleasure when I run. Running in a race is not my idea of a great morning spent. In fact my reasons for running would be: I have less than 5 seconds to make it across the street before the light turns red. Or oh! The phone is ringing; I better run across the room. Or ah! The water is boiling. Turn off the stove! I run to turn off the stove. You see. Those are legitimate reasons.<br />
<br />
So why did I decide to <i>pay someone else</i> to run? (Seriously, I think someone needs to be PAY ME to run.) Here are the reasons I'll decided to join the race.<br />
<br />
1. I should do something "fun" and challenging with my sisters. There are so many women I know who are running in this race. Good way to bond with other sisters. (Although there are so many other ways to bond...spa treatments, hair washes, afternoon tea, a nap...)<br />
<br />
2. After I delivered Alicia, it would be a good goal for me to start exercising and training for the race. (I have to confess and you can ask Emily, my coach, that I have not trained or prepared for this race at all. I think I'll be walking in tomorrow's race.)<br />
<br />
3. My real reason is actually for Alicia and our journey for her. Tomorrow, Alicia will turn 11 months. She will be one month away from turning one year old.<br />
<br />
... Wow. Let me just ponder that for another minute.<br />
<br />
I feel like this past year can be described as one wild race. We started the year with my pregnancy. There were a few scares along the road but God remained so steady. And what an arrival with Alicia being born at 25 weeks. Then Campbell and I started running a different kind of race. A race that challenged our stamina in faith and trust.<br />
<br />
And though the race between home and the hospital is over, (thank GOD!) now we are jogging through the day caring for Alicia at home. So because of Alicia's almost one year old birthday, this mama decides to do the impossible to celebrate life and the journeys in life.<br />
<br />
When I told one of my dear sisters, Andrea (also a runner herself), that I'll be running this race, she was overjoyed. She then shared with me that she also ran this race last year on May 29th, Alicia's birthday. She said that the night before she stayed up all night to pray and interced for our family. Then the morning, she got up and ran the race for us. She felt and received complete victory for us. When I heard this, I was completely overwhelmed in love and thanksgiving. I am a blessed woman to have such dear dear friends that love us. It made me even more sure that Daddy God wants me to participate in this race.<br />
<br />
And so, I'll be running this Amazing Race tomorrow. I'll be sure to let you guys know how I do!<br />
<br />
Let's be amazing together. Let's run this race to Amazing. The true author of our faith and the one who is amazing. The one who holds us as the apple of His eye. The one who is our coach and whispering in our spirits, don't give up. Keep running the race because as we run this race of life, we are all in process of becoming even more amazing.Campbell and Linda Changhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04137455251581704782noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4465283616490974027.post-42775126003694129162012-04-16T17:53:00.000+08:002012-04-16T17:53:08.658+08:00We Have A RollerMilestone alert! Milestone alert!<br />
<br />
Alicia has officially become a roller. =)<br />
<br />
Those of you who are closer to us may remember us posting several months ago that Alicia had rolled-over. Well, for some reason back then, she only did a few times and then never again. And back then she went from front to back. But now, she's doing the back to front roll on quite a regular basis.<br />
<br />
For awhile there was a twinge of concern because she hadn't been really that mobile and when we went to see a therapist a few weeks ago, that was one of the concerns they had because at Alicia's current adjusted age, she should be rolling.<br />
<br />
So Linda and I got to work. We would help her roll, and encourage her by putting toys just out of her reach. For a few months, she would get half way and then kind of get stuck. She couldn't quite figure out how to get her arm out from underneath her.<br />
<br />
Eventually, she progressed to a 3/4 roll, where she'd get her head and the bottom half of her body over, but the torso would still stay in the original position. Just this past week, I got a call at work from Linda telling us that our princess finally was able to get herself all the way over.<br />
<br />
We were more than thrilled.<br />
<br />
It's also been fun to see how she's gotten better and better at her new skill. In the beginning, she'd have to do this wind up thing where she'd summon up all her strength and then throw herself into the turn. Eventually, she got smoother and smoother, and just now as I started this blog, she flipped over quite effortlessly with barely a grunt.<br />
<br />
Of course, now that she's more mobile, we've got to watch her. No more leaving her unattended on a bed or other surface. Man, I had a couple of moments of "fails" as a father this week.<br />
<br />
The first happened earlier in the week. Right now, along with the rolling, we're also helping her to practice sitting up. So I had her sitting in front of me on the hardwood floor in our living room. All was going well, until she suddenly jerked and slipped out of my grasp. She lurched backwards, and BAM, her head hit the floor. Of course, she promptly started to cry. And I just felt awful as I scooped her up to comfort her.<br />
<br />
Amazingly, Alicia cried for not more than a minute and calmed down. Then a few minutes later, and actually ever since then, any time I lay her down on her back, even gently, she will hold her head up to brace herself and keep from hitting her head. How smart is she?<br />
<br />
A few days later, Alicia and I had just gotten up in the morning. I brought her upstairs so I could feed her breakfast. I sat her down in her highchair and went to the kitchen to prepare her food. As I was walking away, I had a fleeting thought that I should buckle her into her chair. But I just brushed the thought aside thinking, where was she going to go? Yeah. I need to listen to those little promptings more often. I was in the kitchen prepping her food, when I hear a cry of desperation emanate from the living room. I rushed over, praying that everything was OK to find Alicia had somehow slipped out of her seat and was facedown in her seat with her head and body stuck between the chair and the chair's tray. My best guess is that she decided to practice her new skill in her chair and ended up slipping down. Thankfully, her chair has a little ledge where her little feet landed, otherwise, I have no doubt she would have ended up on the floor.<br />
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Lesson learned. Please don't call child services on me.<br />
<br />
We're so thankful that she is progressing and growing. Thus far, things look good. Linda took Alicia to the physical therapist last week who said that Alicia is doing well so far. Of course, he said, it's still too early to say for certain whether she is 100% normal despite her brain damage. But you know what, we're good. We proclaim in faith that she is 100% normal, and that she is developing just fine. =)<br />
<br />
She is a sweet girl. Linda tells me somehow she knows when I come home. Every time I open the door, Alicia's face just lights up with a huge smile. That just truly warms this Daddy's heart.<br />
<br />I love our little bean. =)<br />
<br />Campbell and Linda Changhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04137455251581704782noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4465283616490974027.post-19224135542667740632012-03-29T07:20:00.001+08:002012-03-29T07:21:04.147+08:0010 MonthsOur baby Alicia is 10 months old today. 10 months! That's over 3/4 of a year. Amazing. And for the past six months, we've been enjoying, celebrating, at times enduring the life we saw by faith during those first few trying months in the hospital.<br />
<br />
I think more than anything this experience with Alicia has deepened Linda and my faith, and shown us what it truly means to live a life of faith. I think the best description I've ever heard of faith is seeing something in the future as if it had already happened. In other words, having a memory of something that has yet to happen. And that truly was what Linda and I experienced during the first third of Alicia's young life.<br />
<br />
During our residency in the hospital, though the prognosis was often otherwise, Linda and I would see glimpses in our minds of the day when we would hold Alicia, hear her cry, see her smile, play with her. Things that we now do on a daily basis. This is no credit to us. I know that we were purely thriving on God's grace and the prayers of all you saints.<br />
<br />
Prior to becoming a father, I would often hear people tell me that once you become a parent, you get truly a deeper grasp of the Heavenly Father's love for us. And I think I've always accepted this to be true cognitively, but it's not until these last 10 months, that I've truly begun to understand in my heart just how true this statement is.<br />
<br />
A few examples. I don't know whether it's because we've got a kid in the house and they tend to carry germs more easily, but I've had several minor colds in the past few months. Prior to Alicia I'd get sick maybe at most once a year, now in the past 10 months, I think I've caught about 3 colds. During the previous cold, Alicia had also been sick. And that was misery for her and for us too. Because of her sore throat, it hurt for her to eat. And so though she was hungry, she would turn her head away, cry and flail her arms in an attempt to keep the bottle away from her. Poor girl. Thankfully, with some medicine she was feeling better within a few days, just in time for a couple of her teeth to start popping in. Causing a whole new round of hunger coupled with refusal to eat. But I digress.<br />
<br />
Over the past few days, my throat has started to feel funny again, but so far, it seems that I'm the only one infected. Praise the Lord. The other day, while I was washing dishes, I started thinking how grateful I was that I was the only one who seemed to be uncomfortable. In fact, I thought, if it came down to it, I would take on any cold, any sickness, if it meant that my baby girl could be healthy and enjoy her life. Then the though occurred to me, this, on a much small scale, must be how God felt when he sent Jesus to this Earth to die for us. He would rather suffer, than have us suffer. He would pay any price so we could have life, and have life to the full. Amazing.<br />
<br />
One other example. Babies are constantly changing. When Alicia was first born, her looks were still developing so it wasn't really clear whether she looked more like me or Linda. We pieced together that she definitely has Linda's eyes and my nose, but the rest of it wasn't so clear. Well, over the past few months, Alicia has truly been morphing into a mini-me. Which could perhaps be chalked up to this father's overgrown imagination if it weren't for the fact that nearly every person Alicia meets comments on the fact.<br />
<br />
And if I'll be honest, every time I hear someone say, "She looks just her father." My heart swells. She is mine. She bears my image. And once again, I can't help but think about our Heavenly Father, and why he made it a point to tell us that we were also made in his image.<br />
<br />
One day, I was holding Alicia in my arms and just staring down at her and saw a cuter, more feminine version of my face staring back at me. I saw a reflection of myself in this little girl, and my love for her just expanded. Not because of some narcissistic love for myself, but because I realized this is truly my daughter.<br />
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And I can't help but wonder if that's how God feels when he looks at us. He sees a reflection of himself in us, a mark that we are truly his children, created to belong to him, as a part of him. Also, I can't help but think how the Father's heart must swell each time one of his children is recognized as his. Each time someone acknowledges that one his children bears his image and is just like him. It's no wonder that he is constantly working to transform us so that we can be more and more Christ-like each and every day, so that we can be his ambassadors in this dark world. So we can be Christians - little Christs for those who have never seen or don't know God.<br />
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I have just only begun this journey of fatherhood, and while definitely trying at times, I wouldn't trade it for anything. Alicia is truly a treasure, and I think I will never stop taking pleasure in showing her off to the world. =) She's our little sunbeam. She carries a bit of both Linda and I in her, and I cannot wait to see the kind of woman she develops into. But in the meantime, I will cherish each moment I have with her. I will cradle her as often as I can, and relish in the moments when she nestles with total abandon in my chest. I know these days will pass by in a blur. Soon she will be too big, and too "grown up" to nestle. But you know what, no matter how grown she gets, she will forever be my princess. My precious girl.<br />
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Happy 10 months, baby girl. Daddy loves you.Campbell and Linda Changhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04137455251581704782noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4465283616490974027.post-81413660138125706432012-03-28T00:11:00.001+08:002012-03-28T00:12:44.274+08:00Good ResultsAlicia is asleep. My heart is at rest as well. Today has been a good day. Thank you for praying with us, friends. Your love has been received and we carry it dear to our hearts.<br />
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Campbell and I took Alicia to the hospital today to hear about the results of several tests. I was so glad that Campbell could come with us since this appointment was pretty important. I didn't want to face Alicia's doctor alone. (A clarification: Follow up appointments for a preemie are crucial in determining how well she is doing and growing. The follow up appointments happen at six months, one year, one and a half year and two years old.) Two weeks ago, Alicia had her six months development evaluation. She also had a hearing test and a brain scan. We found out the results of all these tests today. </div>
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The results are:</div>
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Alicia is doing well. </div>
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1. When Alicia was born, she had experienced a bit of brain trauma. Most preemies born that early would more likely to have some kind of brain trauma. Because of this, her motor skills may or may not be affected. So far, her limbs are not overly stiff or limp. So this is GOOD. </div>
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2. She is quite strong. Her neck support is excellent. She can hold herself up well when she is on her tummy. </div>
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3. She is quite responsive and social. She is pretty vocal. There are many times I know she's talking but I can't understand her language yet although her facial expressions are very telling of her feelings. She loves having people around. She is not shy; actually she is very fascinated with people's faces. She loves to smile and one of my most favorite thing to do is to make her laugh-which to her mama's great joy--she does often.</div>
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4. Her hearing is normal.</div>
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5. Her brain scan shows the same white matter in the brain like before. So that's good. Her pediatrician says everything looks OK and stable. She says we don't need to do another brain scan in a long long time. :) </div>
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There are some area that needs improvement.</div>
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1. Her size. Her weight and height are below average. Of course, this is compared to babies at 6 months. So definitely, she is a lot smaller. That's OK. But the thing is she lost a bit of weight this month. Dr. Chang (her pediatrician) is not worried though. Alicia has been teething this month and hasn't been eating well. So she says just try our best to feed her and give her more solids. </div>
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2. Her motor skills. Ever since her development evaluation, Campbell and I have been daily helping Alicia practice grasping toys and playing with them. And she is making great improvements already. She's been grasping her toys and chewing on them like a champ. :) According to Dr. Chang, at six months, babies should be able to grasp and hold toys and switch the toy from one hand to another. Alicia hasn't gotten to this level yet.</div>
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3. Her left hand is noticeably weaker than her right hand. This is probably due to the brain trauma. We just need to help her exercise her left hand more. We will also go see a physical therapist who will help her as well.</div>
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4. She hasn't quite master the skill of rolling over. She has rolled over a few times but it happens sporadically. So we've been helping her flip over every day. She's getting better though. She can flip to her side on her own and she is quite the little mover already. For example, I lay her down vertically and the next thing I know, she's already horizontal on the bed. </div>
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A very possible reason to why there is this delay to her development is simply because she is still quite small. So her strength may not be as strong and her hands may not be as big to comfortable grasp the toys. But she's getting there. </div>
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There was a few times throughout the hospital visit today where I felt like I have not taken care of Alicia well. I questioned whether I am adequate. In fact, I felt very inadequate. Campbell could tell and told me to stop beating myself up. I just felt like I should have fed her better or tried feeding her more solids this past month. I was disheartened to find that her weight was down. I voiced my heart to Dr. Chang who so tenderly reminded me that Alicia has already made such remarkable leaps of growth. I need to be patient with myself as much as I need to be trusting and patient with Alicia's growth. </div>
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I shook off the discouragement and thanked the Lord for His faithfulness. Praise God that He got us through these weeks of tests and evaluation. Thank Daddy God that we know how we can parent and help Alicia. It was a great day at the hospital. Campbell and I walked out of Mackay Hospital with a joyful heart. </div>
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And tonight after dinner, I bought two books for myself. One is a baby food cookbook and another is great book about baby's development and health. Both books are in Chinese. I am looking forward in improving my mama's skills as well as my Chinese. This mama is growing up with her daughter. </div>
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Family and friends, thank you for your prayers and love. Thank you for walking with us not just today but throughout our journey. What an adventure it has been already. Even though many people still make comments about how small Alicia is. My heart swells looking at how BIG she is already. She is doing so well. Campbell and I are so proud of her. We go from glory to glory, strength to strength. Because God is with us, each day gets better and our strength only gets stronger. </div>
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<span class="text Ps-92-1" style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; position: relative;">"It is good to give thanks to the <span class="small-caps" style="font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span>,</span><br />
<span class="indent-1" style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><span class="indent-1-breaks" style="font-family: monospace; font-size: 0.42em; line-height: 0;"> </span><span class="text Ps-92-1" style="position: relative;">to sing praises to the Most High.</span></span><br />
<span class="text Ps-92-2" id="en-NLT-15390" style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; position: relative;"><sup class="versenum" style="display: block; font-size: 0.75em; font-weight: bold; left: -4.8em; position: absolute; vertical-align: top;">2 </sup>It is good to proclaim <b>your</b> <b>unfailing love in the morning</b>,</span><br />
<span class="indent-1" style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><span class="indent-1-breaks" style="font-family: monospace; font-size: 0.42em; line-height: 0;"> <b> </b></span><span class="text Ps-92-2" style="position: relative;"><b>your faithfulness in the evening</b>" Psalm 92:1,2</span></span></div>
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<span class="indent-1" style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><span class="text Ps-92-2" style="position: relative;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span class="indent-1" style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><span class="text Ps-92-2" style="position: relative;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<br /></div>Campbell and Linda Changhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04137455251581704782noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4465283616490974027.post-56514318572401799902012-01-26T22:38:00.003+08:002012-01-26T23:58:08.189+08:00Back to Where it All BeganWe took Alicia back to visit her NICU today. Quite epic, if I do say so myself. <div><br /></div><div>As part of our Chinese New Year vacation plans, we scheduled time in Taichung to see my sister-in-law and her family. Of course, Taichung is also Alicia's birthplace, so seeing as we were in town, we made it a point to make time to go back and visit the doctors and nurses who were so vital to Alicia's care during the early days of her life. </div><div><br /></div><div>Earlier this week, Linda contacted the head nurse at our NICU to let her know of our plans. She like 90% of Taiwan was also on Chinese New Year break until today. When she got back to work this morning, she informed her co-workers in the NICU that we were coming today, and from what I hear there was quite a buzz of excitement over the return of our little princess. </div><div><br /></div><div>We were a little late in arriving at the hospital this afternoon. As we were pulling up to the parking garage, we got a call from the head nurse asking us where we were because everyone was eagerly anticipating our arrival. I had no idea how eager everyone was, until the elevator doors opened and we were greeted by an entourage of nurses and doctors at the door. </div><div><br /></div><div>No sooner had I freed Alicia from our Baby Björn and she was in the arms of her primary care physician. Seeing the joy in her face and the faces of our nursing friends at seeing Alicia really warmed my heart. They really loved our little Alicia, and I could tell that they were really excited to see how much she's grown and how well she's doing. </div><div><br /></div><div>We also got the privilege to meet the mom of one of the current NICU residents. The NICU had contacted Linda about a month after we left, asking if they could put her in touch with this woman, because they believed that Linda would be able to offer some comfort and encouragement to her. So Linda has been talking to this mom for several months now, and Linda invited her to come to the NICU today so that we could all meet up. The NICU doctors were really great, knowing that Linda and this woman had a special relationship, they let us in so that we could meet Alicia's classmate, Baby Lisa. The neat thing is Baby Lisa is the current occupant of Bed 13, Alicia's old spot. And as the nurses pointed out, their names are really similar - Alicia and Lisa. </div><div><br /></div><div>What you say? The two names aren't similar at all? Well, that's because you're pronouncing Alicia with an American accent. You forget our Taiwanese nurses have renamed our daughter Ah-Leesa. HAHA. Lisa - Aleesa, pretty similar, eh? =) haha. </div><div><br /></div><div>Anyway, it was kind of surreal being in our old spot, standing over an incubator, with a baby looking so much like our little Alicia did back so many months ago with her blindfold, oversized diaper and tubes. However, this time it wasn't Alicia we were looking at. Alicia was being cradled in one of the nurses arms, looking somewhat giant next to her younger classmates. This time we were staring down at someone else's daughter. It felt like more than a lifetime ago when we ourselves were in that same spot, encouraging our daughter to breathe and to get stronger so we could take her home. In fact, it felt like another lifetime, someone else's lifetime when we ourselves were clinging onto our doctor's every diagnosis, every day praying for good news. </div><div><br /></div><div>It was also during our visit that I was reminded again of how pavlovian I had become to the sound of monitors beeping. During our visit with Lisa, her oxygen monitor started beeping, and without thinking my eyes flickered straight to her monitor to check her vitals. My response didn't even strike me as odd until a few seconds later when the doctor noticing my reaction asked me if these sites and sounds brought back lots of memories. Truth is, they did. But again, it really felt to me like another life, another time. </div><div><br /></div><div>Looking at our daughter, we truly do just rejoice. She is truly a miracle to behold, and a beauty to relish. Being back in Alicia's, what the Chinese call "niang jia" or "maiden home" I couldn't help but be filled with gratitude for how far we've come in our journey with our little girl. </div><div><br /></div><div>I heard a description today of living a life of faith that I felt was a really apt description of what Linda and I went through. The speaker in describing a life of faith stated that it is basically having memories of the future in the present. And that's exactly how Linda and I felt during those four months while Alicia was still in the hospital. Each day, we could see, feel and remember the sensation of having Alicia home with us - holding her in our arms, playing with her, bathing her, putting her to bed, changing her diaper, etc... - even though none of it had happened yet, and everything around us was telling us that it may never happen. We saw it in our mind's eye, in our spirit as if it had already happened. And now, it's a reality. </div><div><br /></div><div>It's like I've said before, during those for months, it was as if we were waiting for our present reality to catch up with what we saw with eyes of faith. </div><div><br /></div><div>God is good. He is powerful. Alicia is a living testimony of that. To God be the glory.</div><div><br /></div>Campbell and Linda Changhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04137455251581704782noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4465283616490974027.post-48726630228762446782012-01-06T23:10:00.002+08:002012-01-06T23:29:38.274+08:00Sleeping BeautyAlicia is asleep in my arms, and so I'm typing one-handed right now while pondering the age old question - to wake or not to wake. <div><br /></div><div>To try to answer my question, I did what any young X-gen parent of the 21st century would do - I googled it. Answer I found - it depends on your child's age and weight. OK. So is that birth age or adjusted age? =) Sorry, preemie-parent humor. </div><div><br /></div><div>But honestly, looking down at my daughter right now, I truly marvel at how far we've come since our days in the NICU. There was a link on the webpage I was reading to an article about caring for preemies, and I felt kind of odd reading it, like, I was reading about something that was completely irrelevant to me. The funny thing is that not too long ago, this article had everything to do with me and my family. But looking at my rosy-cheeked daughter fast asleep in my arms, those days of tubes, vents and wires seem like a far-off dream. </div><div><br /></div><div>Back then, I often dreamed and pictured what life would be like when we brought our little girl home. Faith told me back then that even though Alicia's prognosis for survival and full health were slim, that we would one day have her at home with us healthy and whole. I had no idea however, that those days in the NICU would so quickly fade into a distant memory for me. </div><div><br /></div><div>Alicia these days is 100% healthy and whole. She is like any other normal, bouncy 4-month-old, her size the only giveaway that she was ever a preemie. She loves to stand up and test out her legs, and she has the most adorable, most curious eyes you've ever seen. One of Linda and my greatest pleasures is to smile or talk to our daughter and have her reward us with her cute, toothless grin. Also, the sound of her laughter and cooing is seriously something to be cherished.</div><div><br /></div><div>It's a new year, and who knows what it holds. A year ago today, we had only just learned about the existence of our little Alicia Charis, and today, here she is in my arms. Crazy.</div><div><br /></div><div>As our Christmas card said, "Glory to God in the Highest." For truly, for me to have a baby girl in my arms cutting off my circulation as I type these words, it's truly amazing. </div><div><br /></div><div>May God bless you all in the new year and may your greatest wishes and desires be fulfilled over the next 12 months. </div>Campbell and Linda Changhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04137455251581704782noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4465283616490974027.post-72589685239865219132011-12-27T19:37:00.002+08:002011-12-27T19:38:25.853+08:00Alicia's First Christmas<div>Here's a video our friend put together of Alicia's first Christmas. Merry Christmas everyone!!</div><div><br /></div><iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/7UCvYM_z_y4" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen=""></iframe>Campbell and Linda Changhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04137455251581704782noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4465283616490974027.post-82919701376440644012011-12-08T23:02:00.002+08:002011-12-08T23:39:12.914+08:00How Are You?Hi, friends. It's Linda.<div><br /></div><div>Campbell just went to sleep. Alicia is sound asleep in her Moses' basket. It's just me up again. And somehow I found my way to Alicia's blog and trying to write down some coherent thoughts. Being coherent is kind of fleeting for me these days. Is that natural part of being a mom now? Just kidding. .. I think.</div><div><br /></div><div>But truly, there are so many times I want to write to you all and thank you personally and communicate with you my heart and thoughts. Back when I was still living to see Alicia twice a day at the NICU, I would ramble off to Campbell my heart. He would encourage me to blog about it, saying that people would want to hear "how I am doing" and "what's going on with me" and these revelations I'm having. He said it would encourage people. I want to encourage people. I like encouraging people.</div><div><br /></div><div>Yet when I get in front of the computer, and go to our blog and click on a "new post"... and when I see that blank page of all that whiteness... my mind does exactly that... blank. White. Nothing. So then I just sign off because I can't just sit there trying to think of something to say. One, because I don't want to force it. Second, I'm tired and I don't want to do anything that is draining. Thirdly, I'd probably need to eat, sleep or pump. So many excuses, eh? :)</div><div><br /></div><div>Funny when inspiration would hit me though. Usually it was in the car on the way to see Alicia at the hospital. I would get a light blub moment in the quietness of the car ride. I would think and ponder and go OH God, that's good! Thank you for that. I should blog about that. And then... I didn't. Truthfully, I'd rather watch a good episode of the current Korean drama I was watching. </div><div><br /></div><div>So now after Alicia is home with us for a good two plus months, I find myself wondering... yeah, how am I doing? I am not sure. </div><div><br /></div><div>Since I turned 30 last week, I had such good times hanging out with some dear friends. All of them would ask me in different ways the same question: "How are you?" It's a question I've asked people for years. And it's a question I take seriously. When I ask people that question, I do mean it. I want to know how they truly are. (Can you tell I don't small talk...) I love that question and I (used to) enjoy answering that question myself. I believe that I am pretty self aware. Yet, this week when my friends kept asking me that question, I found myself evading it until I just realized. I have no idea how I am doing. I feel very numb inside. </div><div><br /></div><div>On the most part, I am so uttttterly thankful. I am so completely in awe of the Lord. He alone carries us through and continues to hold us in His love. I see Him in every moment of discovery with Alicia. I praise Him at each growth in her. Overall, I am happy. Thrilled. Content. Tired, but truly happy to be home with my husband and daughter. Yet, there is a slight discord in my spirit. </div><div><br /></div><div>What is it? </div><div><br /></div><div>I realized that I am finding myself again. I am rediscovering who I am and what I've become through the (early) arrival of our precious Alicia. Since she came on the scene, I've let go of all thoughts of "how am I" and lived only on survivor mode. I did what I had to do. I ate, slept and pumped and visited her. I prayed and trusted the Lord. I watched (A LOT) of Korean dramas. I loved on other preemies and parents at the hospital because it came naturally since I've been through what they are experiencing. Now at home, I am very much preoccupied with taking care of Alicia. And I so am enjoying it. Still in my heart and spirit, there was this numbness that I can't explain. This disconnect between my mind and heart. </div><div><br /></div><div>I think it's only now that I'm slowly thawing out and processing. So hopefully, I'll be blogging a bit more now. I hope to share with you. More. In time. Because there are some jewels in this journey. I'm getting all the spoils of this battle, my friends. Oh yeah. Praise the Lord. He knows how to position us for victory. We definitely did not go through this fiery furnace for nothing. </div><div><br /></div><div>I know Daddy is walking with me through this and expanding the tents of my heart. I am forever changed. Just like every woman and man who becomes a parent. Isn't God amazing to write an unique tale for each one of us? </div><div><br /></div><div>There is more to come!</div><div><br /></div>Campbell and Linda Changhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04137455251581704782noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4465283616490974027.post-36564143693030468642011-11-30T20:08:00.003+08:002011-12-13T07:42:02.162+08:0030 years and 6 monthsIt's been quite awhile since I've had time or the energy to sit down and blog. Finally, all the business is on a hiatus and well, here I am. <div><br /></div><div>Over the past few weeks, I've definitely had moments of, "Oh, I need to write that on the blog." or "That would make a good entry." Unfortunately, I didn't write any of it down, so now I've forgotten what those things were. =) </div><div><br /></div><div>No matter. There is still plenty to write about and plenty to be thankful for. </div><div><br /></div><div>Yesterday, November 29, 2011, was my dear wife's 30th birthday. Being that it was such a milestone of a birthday, my brain started to kick into gear about two months before her birthday, trying to figure out the best way to celebrate. First, I was worried because I was involved in a musical at the time, and that coupled with my full-time job and also being the parent of a newborn, I had very, very little mental capacity to do any sort of planning or masterminding for a big celebration. </div><div><br /></div><div>Second, having a very young child who we needed to keep away from large crowds, it became an issue of how do we have a party, but limit the number of people who come. Also, there was thquestion of how to celebrate, do we have dinner, dessert, stay home or go out? So many different things to consider. </div><div><br /></div><div>Thankfully, God gave me the inspiration to do a week of pampering for Linda, which in a way is easier to plan because it helps with the crowd control, but also allows for the extension of the celebration for a whole week. =) </div><div><br /></div><div>Since I'm trying to keep each day a surprise, I won't go into many details about what all of it entails. But thus far, she's gotten a hairwash, dinner with yours truly, and right now she's away getting a facial. There are still five more days of pampering left for Linda to look forward to. </div><div><br /></div><div>I think more than anything Linda has enjoyed having time to herself, without needing to worry about feeding Alicia, or changing her diaper, or making sure that she's taken care of. We have been blessed with wonderful friends and family who have taken Alicia under their wings for a few hours so that Linda can get out. I think that's been good for Linda. I think one of the hardest things about having Alicia home for the past two months is that she hasn't had a break. As any full-time parent knows, taking care of a newborn is a 24-hour job. </div><div><br /></div><div>Speaking of our baby girl. She is an absolute doll. What a testament to the power of prayer and faith and the faithfulness of our Heavenly Father. </div><div><br /></div><div>Seriously, looking at her now, one could almost forget that she was ever in any medical danger. All vitals are functioning 100% normal, and she is as active as all get out. I feel like when this little girl is awake, and happy, she is constantly on the move kicking her legs, waving her arms. And she is truly one happy, happy baby. She has started to respond to our smiles and cooing, with her own smiles and coos which I absolutely love. </div><div><br /></div><div>From a young age, she would often smile, but over the past month, she's begun to smile in response to things that we do, and seriously, every time her little face lights up with a grin, I just want to envelop her with my love.</div><div><br /></div><div>It seems that I'm not alone. There is just something about Alicia that people are just enamored by. I'm not saying this to be proud, because honestly, I had very little to do with how she is. But there is just something about her that people are just captivated by and attracted to. People are drawn to her in a very odd and inexplicable reason. =) Which I have to say, makes this Poppa's heart proud. </div><div><br /></div><div>So what are some of the most common things that we hear about Alicia when they see or meet her for the first time?</div><div><br /></div><div>Usually, the first thing people mention are the size of her eyes. She has these really large doe eyes with the biggest pupils I've ever seen. I could stare into her eyes for days. More than one person has mentioned how it looks like she's wearing those contacts that make your pupils look bigger. Her eyes are pretty amazing. </div><div><br /></div><div>Next most common thing we hear is that she looks mixed or white. I can't quite place my finger on what it is that makes her appear that way, but since we hear that from practically every person that meets her for the first time, there must be some truth to it. </div><div><br /></div><div>People also often comment on how quiet and peaceful she is. Which is really, really true. I think I mentioned in a previous post, that the only time I ever really hear Alicia cry is when she's hungry. When she's well-fed, she's usually pretty quiet and smiley. She doesn't even cry when she's got a dirty diaper. This is definitely, definitely God's gift to us. I don't know how I would handle it if we had an inconsolable, colicky child. I mean we'd definitely deal with it for sure. But to have Alicia be so happy and content makes me happy. </div><div><br /></div><div>One thing that I've observed is that Alicia really is secure. She doesn't seem to have any sense of trauma or abandonment issues. She really seems to be very confident and secure. She knows that she is loved and that she is cherished, and I think that that is a great gift. </div><div><br /></div><div>So I guess what I'm trying to say through all this "boasting" is THANK YOU! Your prayers and thoughts and well wishes have made the biggest difference in our family, and especially in the life of the little miracle we call, Alicia. </div><div><br /></div><div>Now if we could just get her to sleep 8 or more hours at night, we'd be set! =)</div>Campbell and Linda Changhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04137455251581704782noreply@blogger.com1