Have you ever wanted someone to do something because you knew it would be good for them, but despite your efforts that person tried everything they could to avoid doing it? Maybe it was your child giving you every excuse in the book trying to delay bedtime, or something more serious like a terminally-ill relative telling you all the reasons why they don't need a doctor and don't want any therapy?
Well, thinking back on everything that happened yesterday, I realized that I was being that person with God.
Yesterday, after our morning visit with Alicia, our hearts were pretty heavy, as evidenced by my entry on "Why?" I was really struggling with God. During our visit we were told that Alicia would probably need surgery for her PDA sooner rather than later. And for Linda and I, we reacted as if the doctors had just passed down a death sentence for Alicia. We were moaning and groaning, literally, and we were crying out to God and begging him to just heal her so that she wouldn't need surgery. And it took everything we had to just submit and trust him even though we didn't really understand. We didn't want our little girl to go through dangerous surgery, didn't he understand how important this was? Why wouldn't he just heal her?! Why wouldn't he just take away the problem. We knew he could.
Our hearts were pretty heavy for most of the morning into the afternoon. Then we got a call from the hospital. It was our doctor. "Baba, (They call all parents by our titles, baba and mama.) After evaluating your daughter's situation, we feel that it's best if we go ahead with surgery. We've already notified the surgeon. Would you mind coming over to the hospital in a couple of hours, so we can explain the situation to you. Then if you give the go ahead, we'd like you to sign some waver forms so that we can proceed with the surgery." [I'm translating. =)]
Somehow during the conversation, my soul did a 180. I was unaware of it at first, but I think as I hung up the phone and told Linda the news, I realized that no longer was I so worried about the surgery, in fact, the oddest thing is I started to get excited and I started to rejoice. I believe God was assuring me that this surgery was going to be a good thing and that it was going to be a turning point in Alicia's health.
And I'm thankful for this unexpected joy, because it gave me the strength to support Linda as she grieved and processed the news. But you know what, through this experience the one thing I'm learning a lot about is our Heavenly Father's heart for us. He is so sweet. As any loving father would do for a child who was scared, he began to comfort us. We were fighting him the whole way, yet he took the time to comfort us.
First, it was the assurance I felt in my spirit that everything was going to be all right -- no, better than all right. I felt that this was going to be a turning point for Alicia's time in the ICU. Second, while I got on the phone and Internet to spread the news about the surgery and to ask people to pray, Linda got out our premie book and looked up the section about surgery. After she was done reading, she passed it on to me. As I read, I just felt more and more assured that things were going to be fine. First, PDA surgery was the first surgery described in that section of the book, which made me think OK, for it to be even in the book, and for it to be first, it must be a pretty common procedure. Second, the book gave us a better understanding of what happens during the procedure . It explained that while yes a PDA does affect the heart, many people mistakingly think of it as heart surgery, when in fact, the heart is never even touched during the procedure. The authors also assured us that while any surgery, especially surgery done on such a small person had potential complications and risks, they were rare and temporary. In fact, the survival rate of this surgery was nearly 100%. The book went on to explain that while it's natural to have our concerns as parents, we don't need to be overly anxious because the surgeons who perform these operations are well-trained professionals that have gone through years of training before doing these procedures. And get this, the book encouraged us to look at the surgery as a "turning point" in our child's health - the very words that God had spoken to my spirit earlier!
When we got to the hospital, we were told to wait outside while the doctors prepped a few things and then they would brief us on everything. They also told us that there was going to be an emergency fire drill and to not get freaked out if we see people rushing about. I was like, uh, OK. Turns out that this drill provided much needed comic relief for Linda and I. I'll explain later.
So after a few minutes, we were ushered into the NICU, and met with our supervising physician Dr. Su. He reminded us that from the beginning Alicia has had a PDA and that after using two rounds of medicine Alicia's ductus arteriosus remains open. Now in situations like this, the first things doctors do is to just observe. Sometimes the DA remains open but it doesn't affect the child and so they can leave it alone until the child is older and see if it closes on its own. If later it doesn't close on it's own, then they can do surgery to close it. The doctors always prefer doing surgery on an older child, because they are stronger and the risks are lower. Unfortunately, Alicia's PDA was affecting her heart and her lungs. And they suspected that that's what's been causing her to have breathing problems over the past week. The doctor also showed us echocardiograms (heart sonograms) that showed Alicia's heart expanding over time and fluid filling her lungs. He told us that they had tried to use medicine to help Alicia's heart not to have to work so hard, and that she had responded well to it at first, but then her heart started to swell again. And judging by the fact that her heartrate has been really high the past couple of days, he felt that her heart was under too much stress and it would be best to do the surgery sooner before things got more critical.
Now here's the comic relief part I was talking about earlier, halfway through the doctor explaining everything to us, suddenly we heard an announcement that there was a fire and for all of us to evacuate the building in an orderly fashion. Then the drill began. Whistles blowing, lights flashing, nurses rushing about preparing the room as if it were a real emergency. Then came nurses carrying a couple of stretchers with dummies on them as they practiced evacuating patients. It took some control for Linda and I not to start laughing out loud. At one point, Linda covered her mouth to contain her laughter, which one doctor mistook for her being emotional about the surgery so she gave her a tissue. Haha. Seriously, it was chaotic. I understand the importance of the drill, and I'm thankful they were doing it, but the whistles, the lights and the parade of nurses were just a bit much to take in while we were having such a serious conversation about our daughter. But, like I said, it was good comic relief.
So after we spoke to our neonatologist (the doctor in charge of the NICU), he had us speak to one of the surgeons who would be present at Alicia's operation. This surgeon was a fellow, meaning that he was in training for this particular type of surgery. (The primary surgeon who would be the one operating on Alicia was in the midst of another surgery at that time.) OK. This guy, literally, was putting me to sleep. He had this odd tick where his head would bob as he talked and he spoke in a really dull monotone. Imagine a Ben Stein bobble head doll in doctor's scrubs droning on about the intricacies of PDA surgery and you've got an approximation of this guy. I have to say as sleep inducing as this guy was, it gave me an odd sort of comfort that this surgery seemed pretty routine and commonplace for him. Of course, they always have to give the obligatory warning of risks, but overall he seemed pretty confident that the surgery would go smoothly. He explained that they would first pinch the PDA closed and see how her body responded to the closure. Once they were sure that her body could withstand the change, then they would close off the ductus by either tying it shut or clamping it with a metal clip. Eventually, the ductus arteriosus would disolve and dissappear completely on its own. When we asked the doctor about the success rate of this kind of surgery, he continued his monotone drone but added a smirk and said, "Pretty much everyone who goes through this surgery is fine." That was reassuring.
After our meeting with Dr. Bobble Head, we signed off on the surgery and waited outside for the arrival of the primary surgeon and anestheologist. While we were waiting, another parade passed by us. This time it was a parade of surgeons and what we can only assume were operating room personnel. They were pushing a couple of trays of what I think were surgery tools. (I couldn't really tell, because they were all covered. Probably to keep them sterile.) After about half an hour, the surgeon came out and greeted us. He assured us that it was a pretty quick procedure and that Alicia wouldn't feel any pain or remember any of it. Then we met with the anestheologist who explained that he was going to use general anesthesia to knock Alicia out so that she would be asleep through the whole procedure. He of course, once again, notified us of certain risks and then asked us to sign more waver forms.
Then it was more waiting. Thinking that it might take awhile, Linda decided to ask her cousin to come pick her up and drive her home so she could grab some food and do some pumping. As for me, I passed the time reading up on PDA and PDA surgery or PDA litigation as it's called. During my research I came across a video of the surgery on Youtube, so out of morbid curiosity, I watched it. It was fascinating. Did you know that lungs are pink? Made me think of how, I've never seen my lungs. Weird thought, I know.
Well, surgery went pretty quickly, before I knew it, one of the neonatologists came out followed by the surgeon telling me that it was done and that everything went pretty smoothly. The surgeon, in fact, spoke quite nonchalantly as if the surgery was nothing, a piece of cake, easy as pie. At first, I was like, really? That's it. My daughter just went through surgery and you come out and say, "OK, it's done." I mean what happened? Details, please! But then I thought about it and realized that it's good that he was so casual. I mean, that means that it wasn't a big deal, that everything was routine and that it went really smooth. Praise the Lord.
We did get some details from her neonatologists later on. They said that things went pretty smoothly, and in fact, they were surprised by how quickly it was over. They said that Alicia's blood pressure held steady throughout the procedure, and that she did really well during the whole thing. There was a small problem during the surgery with either her oxygen levels or blood or something, I can't remember now, but they were able to monitor it and fix it, so it wasn't a big deal.
After Linda got back from the apartment, we were let in to see Alicia. When we got to her isolette, she was still asleep from the affects of the anesthesia. So tiny, but alive! We told her that she was an amazing little girl, so strong, and told her to rest and that Mommy and Daddy would be back the next day to see her. Doctors told us that they would be monitoring her throughout the night and over the next few days to see the affect of anesthesia on her and also how her body responds after this surgery. They also assured us that they would be giving her some pain medication through the IV to help ease her pain as the anesthesia wore off.
Linda and I came home, exhausted, but happy that it was all over.
This morning, we went back again to see our little girl. It was so good to see her. She was awake and had her eyes wide open. She seemed like she was doing much better. Such a brave little girl. As we took in the sight of our little girl, we noticed that she seemed to be crying. Her face was scrunched up a bit and she had tears coming out of the corners of her eyes. It was heart wrenching. When we asked the doctor, she guessed that she was maybe feeling some pain from her surgical wounds, but assured us that they were giving her medicine to take care of it, so we felt more at ease. We spoke to Alicia and sang to her, and as we did, it seemed like she felt better and settled down a bit.
She was definitely more alert, and we saw more of the vigor and vitality that she had in her first few days after birth. Dr. Su came over during our visit and told us that things looked good after the surgery. Her blood pressure has stabilized, her breathing has improved, and her heartrate has dropped significantly. He said that these are good signs. He also mentioned that under normal circumstances, a child who's made it past the 2-week mark would be considered stable, but because of complications from this PDA, it took Alicia a bit longer to stabilize, but based on his readings from this morning, he felt that she's doing a lot better. Now, the one thing he's most concerned about and something that he will need to monitor is if there was any brain damage from the anesthesia. He told us that the potential for brain damage is high in children this young and small, and that while it's not always the case that there is brain damage, he couldn't give us any guarantees that she would be completely fine. Well, we're OK with that. We're learning that these warnings are just that, warnings. Doesn't mean that they will happen, but just that there is a chance for these things to occur. And besides, Alicia is in the hands of a greater physician, so we're not worried.
After our discussion with Dr. Su, it was about time for us to go, so we said goodbye to Alicia and left her with her iPod so she could still have a bit of Mommy and Daddy with her even after we've left. And as we said goodbye, we noticed that our little girl closed her eyes and seemed to go to sleep. It was as if after our visit she felt like she could rest again.
On the way home, Linda was rather cheery, and she turned to me and said, "I've got this odd feeling, and at first I didn't know what it was. It's something I haven't felt in a long time. But now I know what it is. It's relief!" And I think that's a good word - relief.
It's like God told us before the surgery, this is going to help Alicia to grow stronger and healthier. And I'm glad that he didn't listen to us when we told him we didn't want this surgery. He knew that despite all the "risks" this surgery really wasn't a big deal, and in the end would really go a long way to turning Alicia's health around.
I felt like yesterday, God gave me an illustration of Alicia's condition. Alicia's health was like a leaky bucket. We would fill it up and it would look full, but then little by little the water would drip out. This analogy was confirmed by a pediatrician friend of mine after she found about Alicia's surgery. She said now that the hole is plugged up, they have fixed one more obstacle and lessened the burden on her body so she can heal and grow. The PDA had been stressing her heart so much that the nutrition and calories she was taking in were going toward pumping the heart extra hard, instead of other things like growing. So now that the PDA is closed off and her heart seems not so strained, we pray for some growth spurts.
Thankfully, Alicia's digestion continues to do well, they were able to get her back on a bit of milk this morning. So prognosis looks good friends.
So back to what I was saying earlier about resisting God on this surgery and now having relief on the other end. Somehow in my spirit as I was wrestling with God about this, I knew that once it was all over, I would wonder what I was so worried about. And it's true. Now on the other side of things, I look back and think, OK that wasn't so bad.
Through it all, God was ever-patient, ever-gracious and ever-loving. He definitely carried us through.
And a thought came to me last night, God was actually answering our prayers in allowing this surgery to be done so early. We had prayed that she would be able to be discharged sooner rather than later, and I believe that postponing this surgery would in the end postpone her ultimate discharge. So in reality, God was answering our prayers and doing what he felt and knew was best.
Definitely a journey of trust and faith. Sometimes, we really don't get it. It's easy to think, "Come on God, what are you doing?! This doesn't make any sense!" But the lesson is to trust. We remember he is a good God, a loving God, one who desires the best for us.
Remember what God reminded me of yesterday? "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your understanding. In all of your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight." Lean not on your own understanding. Sometimes I think I'm so smart. What I'm realizing is that I'm not, especially when it comes to medical stuff. I mean, I told people that Alicia had a hole in her heart! Goes to show you what I know. Haha.
Trust brings relief. Resistance brings grief. =) Choice is ours.
Well, now we just wait. We see how Alicia progresses from here on out!
I'll keep you posted.
Love,
Campbell
Friday, June 17, 2011
Thursday, June 16, 2011
All Done!
Praise the Lord! We're back from the hospital. Surgery went well. I'll give more details tomorrow. But just wanted to write a quick note and thank everyone for praying.
Love,
Campbell
Love,
Campbell
PRAY!!!
Just got a call from the hospital. Something I hoped I'd never get.
The doctors after observing Alicia feel that her heart condition really isn't doing well and that her heart is getting closer and closer to failure, so they've notified the surgeon and asked him to come take a look.
They've asked Linda and I to head over to the hospital so that the surgeon can explain the procedure to us and then have us sign the surgery permission/waver form.
Of course, our hearts are burdened upon hearing this news. But on the other hand, my heart also is rejoicing and has peace. I believe that this surgery, while scary, is going to be what will help our Alicia to start getting better sooner. I believe once they close off this PDA that she will finally be able to start getting stronger and healthier.
Please be in prayer with us. Alicia has already been through so much, and our Heavenly Father has carried her this far. We believe that's he's going to see her through. Pray for the surgeons hands. Pray that there would be no complications. Pray that Alicia would heal quickly and that there would be no pain.
Pray for complete health and life!
PRAY!!!
The doctors after observing Alicia feel that her heart condition really isn't doing well and that her heart is getting closer and closer to failure, so they've notified the surgeon and asked him to come take a look.
They've asked Linda and I to head over to the hospital so that the surgeon can explain the procedure to us and then have us sign the surgery permission/waver form.
Of course, our hearts are burdened upon hearing this news. But on the other hand, my heart also is rejoicing and has peace. I believe that this surgery, while scary, is going to be what will help our Alicia to start getting better sooner. I believe once they close off this PDA that she will finally be able to start getting stronger and healthier.
Please be in prayer with us. Alicia has already been through so much, and our Heavenly Father has carried her this far. We believe that's he's going to see her through. Pray for the surgeons hands. Pray that there would be no complications. Pray that Alicia would heal quickly and that there would be no pain.
Pray for complete health and life!
PRAY!!!
Why?
Why? That's the big question I've been asking myself a lot today. Why? OK, not just today but quite often for the past few weeks.
Why? Why did Alicia have to come early? Why do we need to go through this? OK. Yes, I know the answers that I've given, "For His glory." "For His greater purpose." "For a greater blessing." But you know what, today, those answers don't satisfy me.
Couldn't there have been an easier way? Why us? Why this? Why? Why? Why? And you know the frustrating thing? Sometimes the answers don't come until later, if at all.
If you can't tell, my heart is pretty heavy right now as I write this. I wish I could always be positive and uplifting, but today, it's hard. Funny thing is a few days from now when this has passed, I'll probably be writing another entry and wondering what I was so freaked out about. But yeah, today is a challenging day.
A few days ago as I was writing and celebrating the faith and assurance that we had, I also wrote that I sensed there was a test of faith coming. Well, it's arrived.
We had a good visit with Alicia this morning, she was awake and had her eyes open for most of our time with her, which was sweet. I have no idea if she can see us, what she sees, but it was nice to see her conscious. However, we saw something in her eyes that kind of weighed heavily on our hearts. I mean, Linda and I aren't doctors and we are far from experts in reading non-verbal cues from our premie daughter, but there was something in her eyes today that is hard to describe. Her eyes were wide open and it could have been just my imagination, but she looked fearful or worried. Again, I'm no expert in premies and their expressions, but what the doctor told us during our visit could explain what we may have seen in Alicia's eyes.
The doctor came over about half way through our visit and we got to chatting with her. The great news is that Alicia continues to eat well. She's up to 6cc now and she's pooping pretty regularly, meaning that she's digesting well. She's even put on a bit of weight. Which is all great! We're proud of our little girl.
Then came the bombshell. We've known from the beginning that Alicia's has a PDA that hasn't been closing. Well today the doctor told us that they have been checking her heart every day and her heart has begun to swell slightly, which is an early sign of heart failure. Also, she hasn't been peeing as much, so fluid is collecting in her body, mostly in the heart and the lungs. Also, another symptom that the PDA is causing problems. They've given her some medicine to help her pee so that she can flush out some of the excess fluid. This way there is less of a burden on her heart and lungs. And the doctor says that they're going to observe her for a couple of days. If the conditions don't improve, they may need to do surgery soon.
The thought of our little girl going through surgery when she is so small is hard to bear. Linda and my hearts ache for our little girl and we really wonder what the Lord is doing.
Medically speaking, the PDAs of most 25-weekers don't close on their own without surgery. And when we asked the doctor today, she said that most likely Alicia's shunt won't close on its own, and since medicine hasn't helped, right now the only thing they can do is observe. Sometimes what happens is that even though the PDA stays open, it doesn't really affect the child and that his or her heart can still function well. But for Alicia this isn't the case.
Her heartrate has been higher than normal, and the swelling of her heart are indications that her heart is working extra hard to get blood to circulate through her body, which as I said earlier can lead to heart failure.
God, what are you doing? We know you can heal her. We know you have the power. And it's not like we haven't asked you for complete healing. And wouldn't a complete healing of her PDA that defies all medical explanation be something that would bring you glory? Do we need to really go all the way to the extremes to show your power?
Both Linda and I really wish we could just hug our little girl right now and tell her that it's all going to be all right and just assure her. But we can't even do that as parents. We're paralyzed and powerless. We can't comfort her, we can't help her. Sometimes, I'm just like I'm just "pretending" to be a father.
I mean, I see my daughter for half an hour twice a day. I hold her hand, I sing to her. But then what? I can't comfort her when she's in pain or when she's afraid. In fact, I feel like sometimes, my visits cause her stress. Then we always have to leave abruptly, because "visiting hours are up."
Sigh.
Even though we don't feel amazing right now, we still trust that our God is good. We trust that he's got a plan in place and we just speak life over Alicia. We speak health to her.
Even if the Lord takes her away, we say, "Blessed be your name."
But we believe that she's going to be fine and that she's going to come out of this stronger and better than ever.
Do I sound like I'm in conflict? Cause I am. =) haha.
Please pray.
1. Pray for Linda and I to continue to move forward in peace. For his assurance to reign in our hearts once again.
2. Pray for Alicia's heart and lungs. Pray that they would remain strong. Perhaps God is forming heart in a way that defies human reasonining. Perhaps he's allowing Alicia's heart work a bit harder right now so it will be extra strong in the future. Or maybe I have no idea what I'm talking about. =) But we trust that God has a purpose for all of this, even though right now in our human understanding it doesn't make any sense.
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all of your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight."
OK. God. I give. I trust.
So back to what I was saying, Pray for Alicia's heart. Pray that God would perform a miracle and close that PDA and keep Alicia's heart from going into failure. And that he would improve her conditions soon. If her heart doesn't get better they may need to do surgery. Pray for God's wisdom in that. And if surgery is needed then pray that God would protect her. There is great risk for a child this small to have surgery, so we of course, are begging God to stave off surgery. PLEASE!
3. Pray for her lungs. She still continues to have a lot of mucus. They were able to clear it out completely that one time, but apparantly that doesn't mean it's not going to come back. So, every day they still need to clear her lungs of the mucus. Pray that her body would start to do that on it's own, and that God would strengthen her lungs and make them bigger and able to take in more air.
4. Pray for whatever and however the Lord leads you to pray. Honestly, as I'm writing all these things, I feel like I don't know if I'm really wording things correctly and I don't know if what I say are the problems are really the problems. But again, I'm reminded of CHARIS. GRACE.
Sorry, if this post is a bit all over the place friends. My mind is a little all over the place right now, and I'm kind of just writing from stream of consciousness.
We keep walking forward and we claim the victory! We will get through this and we will not just get through this alive, we will get through this and thrive!
Why? Why did Alicia have to come early? Why do we need to go through this? OK. Yes, I know the answers that I've given, "For His glory." "For His greater purpose." "For a greater blessing." But you know what, today, those answers don't satisfy me.
Couldn't there have been an easier way? Why us? Why this? Why? Why? Why? And you know the frustrating thing? Sometimes the answers don't come until later, if at all.
If you can't tell, my heart is pretty heavy right now as I write this. I wish I could always be positive and uplifting, but today, it's hard. Funny thing is a few days from now when this has passed, I'll probably be writing another entry and wondering what I was so freaked out about. But yeah, today is a challenging day.
A few days ago as I was writing and celebrating the faith and assurance that we had, I also wrote that I sensed there was a test of faith coming. Well, it's arrived.
We had a good visit with Alicia this morning, she was awake and had her eyes open for most of our time with her, which was sweet. I have no idea if she can see us, what she sees, but it was nice to see her conscious. However, we saw something in her eyes that kind of weighed heavily on our hearts. I mean, Linda and I aren't doctors and we are far from experts in reading non-verbal cues from our premie daughter, but there was something in her eyes today that is hard to describe. Her eyes were wide open and it could have been just my imagination, but she looked fearful or worried. Again, I'm no expert in premies and their expressions, but what the doctor told us during our visit could explain what we may have seen in Alicia's eyes.
The doctor came over about half way through our visit and we got to chatting with her. The great news is that Alicia continues to eat well. She's up to 6cc now and she's pooping pretty regularly, meaning that she's digesting well. She's even put on a bit of weight. Which is all great! We're proud of our little girl.
Then came the bombshell. We've known from the beginning that Alicia's has a PDA that hasn't been closing. Well today the doctor told us that they have been checking her heart every day and her heart has begun to swell slightly, which is an early sign of heart failure. Also, she hasn't been peeing as much, so fluid is collecting in her body, mostly in the heart and the lungs. Also, another symptom that the PDA is causing problems. They've given her some medicine to help her pee so that she can flush out some of the excess fluid. This way there is less of a burden on her heart and lungs. And the doctor says that they're going to observe her for a couple of days. If the conditions don't improve, they may need to do surgery soon.
The thought of our little girl going through surgery when she is so small is hard to bear. Linda and my hearts ache for our little girl and we really wonder what the Lord is doing.
Medically speaking, the PDAs of most 25-weekers don't close on their own without surgery. And when we asked the doctor today, she said that most likely Alicia's shunt won't close on its own, and since medicine hasn't helped, right now the only thing they can do is observe. Sometimes what happens is that even though the PDA stays open, it doesn't really affect the child and that his or her heart can still function well. But for Alicia this isn't the case.
Her heartrate has been higher than normal, and the swelling of her heart are indications that her heart is working extra hard to get blood to circulate through her body, which as I said earlier can lead to heart failure.
God, what are you doing? We know you can heal her. We know you have the power. And it's not like we haven't asked you for complete healing. And wouldn't a complete healing of her PDA that defies all medical explanation be something that would bring you glory? Do we need to really go all the way to the extremes to show your power?
Both Linda and I really wish we could just hug our little girl right now and tell her that it's all going to be all right and just assure her. But we can't even do that as parents. We're paralyzed and powerless. We can't comfort her, we can't help her. Sometimes, I'm just like I'm just "pretending" to be a father.
I mean, I see my daughter for half an hour twice a day. I hold her hand, I sing to her. But then what? I can't comfort her when she's in pain or when she's afraid. In fact, I feel like sometimes, my visits cause her stress. Then we always have to leave abruptly, because "visiting hours are up."
Sigh.
Even though we don't feel amazing right now, we still trust that our God is good. We trust that he's got a plan in place and we just speak life over Alicia. We speak health to her.
Even if the Lord takes her away, we say, "Blessed be your name."
But we believe that she's going to be fine and that she's going to come out of this stronger and better than ever.
Do I sound like I'm in conflict? Cause I am. =) haha.
Please pray.
1. Pray for Linda and I to continue to move forward in peace. For his assurance to reign in our hearts once again.
2. Pray for Alicia's heart and lungs. Pray that they would remain strong. Perhaps God is forming heart in a way that defies human reasonining. Perhaps he's allowing Alicia's heart work a bit harder right now so it will be extra strong in the future. Or maybe I have no idea what I'm talking about. =) But we trust that God has a purpose for all of this, even though right now in our human understanding it doesn't make any sense.
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all of your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight."
OK. God. I give. I trust.
So back to what I was saying, Pray for Alicia's heart. Pray that God would perform a miracle and close that PDA and keep Alicia's heart from going into failure. And that he would improve her conditions soon. If her heart doesn't get better they may need to do surgery. Pray for God's wisdom in that. And if surgery is needed then pray that God would protect her. There is great risk for a child this small to have surgery, so we of course, are begging God to stave off surgery. PLEASE!
3. Pray for her lungs. She still continues to have a lot of mucus. They were able to clear it out completely that one time, but apparantly that doesn't mean it's not going to come back. So, every day they still need to clear her lungs of the mucus. Pray that her body would start to do that on it's own, and that God would strengthen her lungs and make them bigger and able to take in more air.
4. Pray for whatever and however the Lord leads you to pray. Honestly, as I'm writing all these things, I feel like I don't know if I'm really wording things correctly and I don't know if what I say are the problems are really the problems. But again, I'm reminded of CHARIS. GRACE.
Sorry, if this post is a bit all over the place friends. My mind is a little all over the place right now, and I'm kind of just writing from stream of consciousness.
We keep walking forward and we claim the victory! We will get through this and we will not just get through this alive, we will get through this and thrive!
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Seasick
In the bible, there is a story of Jesus walking on water.
Jesus had just spent his day teaching a large crowd and feeding them. A typical day for Jesus. After performing feeding over five thousand people, one of his more famous miracles, he makes his disciples get into a boat and go on ahead of him to the other side of the lake, while he dismisses the crowd. Then Jesus goes off on his own to pray. He must have been there a long time, because the Bible says that later that night, he was still there alone and the boat was in the middle of the lake, a good distance away from land.
The disciples in the boat were struggling and straining at the oars because the wind was against them, and the waves were battering the boat. Just before dawn, they saw a figure walking on the water toward them. Naturally, they were terrified. I mean, this isn't something you see every day. In fact, the disciples thought they were seeing a ghost. But Jesus identified himself and told them not to be afraid.
In one version of the story, one of Jesus' disciples, Peter, said, "Lord, if it is you, tell me to come to you on the water." And Jesus said, "Come." So Peter got out of the boat and started walking. And he was doing pretty well at first, but then he saw the wind and became afraid, and then started to sink and called out, "Lord, save me!" Jesus caught him and said, "You of little faith, why did you doubt?" Then they climbed into the boat and the wind died down.
This story has been playing in my head over and over again these past few weeks. The week before all of this happened, I had just taught about this story at a weekly bible study I attend. As I was teaching it, I was reminded of how easy it is to doubt.
I think when I was younger, whenever I would hear this story, I'd think, "Yeah, Peter! Why did you doubt? Don't you know that you're with Jesus." But as I get older, I understand why he would freak out, and I know that if it weren't for this story, many times I myself would get distracted and lose faith. In fact, even knowing this story, that still sometimes happens.
During the past couple of weeks, this imagery of walking on the water in the midst of a storm has come up several times during various conversations I've had with people. In fact, I think I even wrote about this early on in this blog.
And truth is right now we are in the midst of a struggle. Every day, we're trying to remain positive and focus on God's promises, but it's not always easy. We do feel very secure in God's abilities and his comfort and we do have a lot of faith that Alicia is going to be all right. But just because we are assured that Jesus is taking care of us, doesn't mean that we don't feel the wind and the waves battering against us.
And I'll be honest, while the faith isn't shaken, sometimes it gets tiring to keep pressing forward. In fact, sometimes, Linda and I wish it would just all be over. We don't want to walk on the water anymore. It's making us sick.
Alicia's condition over the past couple of days hasn't been all that great, although, things have turned around a bit, so we're thankful. (Those of you who are astute, will notice that when things are going well, my posts tend to be full of optimism and hope, and when things go not swell, my posts tend to be a bit more down. But I guess this is the journey of an NICU parent.)
Those of you who read my last post know that Alicia has been struggling with her breathing, she's also been losing weight, which is odd because she's been feeding on milk, so she should actually be gaining weight. Well, doctors did an echo-cardiogram (a sonogram of the heart) and found that not only did Alicia's PDA not get smaller, but it in fact had gotten bigger. So they told Linda, that Alicia may require surgery sooner rather than later.
Not good.
I've also mentioned Alicia's mucus. For the past week, they've been suctioning out the mucus every day from her lungs, but haven't been able to get it all out, so that's been affecting Alicia's breathing and therefore affecting her oxygen levels.
Also, yesterday morning when I talked to Linda, they had to hold off on increasing Alicia's milk intake because they noticed that her stomach was starting to get a little bloated.
These things are what I like to call, "the wind". These are the things that are coming against us, impeding progress. Thankfully, we have a relationship with a God who is not thwarted by these things.
All of the above news was from yesterday morning.
As of yesterday evening, things turned around.
Alicia's PDA actually got smaller! Now we're not sure about all the details of how this happened, as in, did the doctors give her another kind of medicine, or if it did so on it's own. But we just pray, more, Lord, more!
As for, the mucus, they were able to get it all out of her lungs! And now Alicia's seems to be feeling better. We just pray that it would be out and stay out for good.
And as for eating, they did an X-ray of her stomach and it looks like she is digesting well, so they were able to increase her milk intake to 4 cc per feeding. Another huge encouragement.
Phew.
By the way, I should take this time to apologize for my rant on doctors yesterday. They're really doing the best that they can, and as a doctor friend reminded me, there is no way to really personalize medicine yet. If there is a chance that something might happen, then they need to let us know. Because doctor's are not clairvoyent (my word), they can't predict which kid will get what, so it's important for them to educate parents on all possible scenarios so no one is caught off guard. So thank you doctors, for doing such an amazing job with Alicia. We just need to learn to filter. Listen to what they're saying, but realize that it doesn't necessarily mean that everything they say, will happen.
What I'm realizing with this journey is that as much as I wish it were a straight shot to the top, it's more of a windy, curvy road up a mountain, full of dips and potholes. Things go well, then problems come up, doctors adjust, then things go well, then other problems come up, again another adjustment. I'm reminded of something that God told me about a month ago.
"Just because things are a certain way now, doesn't mean that it's going to be that way forever. And just because something never was, doesn't mean that it never will be."
What does this mean? It means that we focus our eyes on Jesus and creator Daddy God. Peter started to sink when he focused on the wind instead of Jesus, and many times I've realized that as we focus on Alicia's various conditions and what the doctors are telling us, our emotions also start to sink. But when we refocus our eyes on Jesus, we know that none of this is too big or too difficult for him to handle.
It reminds me of that old him, "Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus."
Turn your eyes upon, Jesus
Look full in his wonderful face,
And the things of Earth will grow strangely dim,
In the light of his glory and grace
Words that once again have taken on new meaning for us. Hmm, when this is all over, maybe should I should record a CD of all the songs that God keeps bringing to mind. There are certainly plenty of them.
Anyway, friends, as you guys are walking along with us on this journey, I hope that these words can encourage you. No matter what you're going through, he can carry you through. He is more than able to handle anything that comes your way. (Haha... just thought of another song. But I'll save that for another post.) And I'm not just saying this out of head knowledge anymore, it's a proven fact. We're walking in it right now.
Hmm. Just had a thought, those of you who get motion sick know that one cure for motion sickness is to either close your eyes, or to focus on the horizon or some other distant object that is stationary. So what's the cure for our seasickness, focusing on Christ. He is steady and umoving. He his our rock, our shelter and our firm foundation.
God knows what he's doing. Sometimes he sends us in the midst of the storm, if you'll notice Jesus made the disciples get into the boat and go to the other side. This may sound like cruelty, but I believe God knows what he's doing. He puts us in this situations to make us stronger, so that he can reveal more of himself to us, and ultimately to bring a greater blessing. And he doesn't send you out alone, he's with you. And good news is, even if we do falter as Peter did, he'll always be there to catch us.
Prayer requests:
1. Please pray for strength for Linda and I. It's hard not to get bogged down with all the possible complications and the ups and downs of Alicia's health. Pray that God will help us to filter through all the information that the doctors are giving to us and to not get weighed down by it all.
2. Praise God for the improvements that Alicia's made. Her lungs are clear of mucus, she's eating better, and her PDA has gotten a bit smaller. Pray that these things will continue to get better each day.
3. Pray that Alicia would grow and gain weight. Pray that she would gain back some of her vigor. She's been pretty lethargic the past few days. Pray that she would feel well and not have any pain or discomfort.
4. Pray for the doctors to have wisdom as they treat Alicia, that they would be able to give her the most effective treatments with the lowest amounts of side-effects. Pray also that they would have favor with Alicia, Linda and I, and that we would be able to connect with them and bless them.
5. Pray for protection over Alicia physically, emotionally and spiritually. Ask the Lord to cancel any plans that Satan may have over her life, and that God would seal his purposes for her.
6. Pray that mentally Alicia would thrive. We've heard that premies tend to be really smart, we pray that that would be so. We pray for her brain development that it would be steady and strong. Pray that Linda and I would also be wise, because if she's going to smart, well, we better know how to handle her. =)
We thank God, that he continues to surround Alicia with his presence. We got two sweet drawings from some friends of ours that we just claim and recieve. One drawing is of God's giant invisible hands holding Alicia's hands as he is forming and shaping her. The other drawing is of the unseen angels surrounding Alicia's bed and singing to her. Amen. Love these images. And we just say, yes, Lord, thank you for blessing her with your presence and for surround her with your angels, and we say, more, Lord, more!
We just speak life, health and wholeness over our little girl. We claim a victory, and we proclaim that her life is a miracle, and will continue to be a miracle each and every day that she is alive. We look forward to the day that we will bring her home, happy, healthy and full of life. She is going to be a delight to all those that she meets, she already is a delight, even though most of you haven't met her yet. It's amazing, before Alicia was born, a close friend of ours was praying and he felt God telling him that Alicia was going to impact the nations. And what's amazing is, as Linda pointed out to me the other day, that she already is! Blogger has a cool function where you can check on the stats of your blog and check out your audience, and as of today, people from 10 different countries have been reading her story. Look at God! By the way, feel free to pass our blog to your friends and family. The more people who are praying the better! And also, our goal is also to be able to encourage, so if our words can be a blessing to others, then please feel free to share them.
Thank you all for continuing to walk with us. Your smiles, cards, messages, words and hugs mean the world to us. And thanks to all of you who have blessed us with gifts of books, clothes, baby paraphernalia they have been a big blessing. And for all of you who have given to support us monetarily, we are overwhelmed. Thank you. We have no idea how much Alicia's time in the hospital is going to cost, but your gifts will go a long way to help alleviate that. We pray that God would bless each of you who have been walking with us and supporting us in big ways and small.
Love,
Campbell
Jesus had just spent his day teaching a large crowd and feeding them. A typical day for Jesus. After performing feeding over five thousand people, one of his more famous miracles, he makes his disciples get into a boat and go on ahead of him to the other side of the lake, while he dismisses the crowd. Then Jesus goes off on his own to pray. He must have been there a long time, because the Bible says that later that night, he was still there alone and the boat was in the middle of the lake, a good distance away from land.
The disciples in the boat were struggling and straining at the oars because the wind was against them, and the waves were battering the boat. Just before dawn, they saw a figure walking on the water toward them. Naturally, they were terrified. I mean, this isn't something you see every day. In fact, the disciples thought they were seeing a ghost. But Jesus identified himself and told them not to be afraid.
In one version of the story, one of Jesus' disciples, Peter, said, "Lord, if it is you, tell me to come to you on the water." And Jesus said, "Come." So Peter got out of the boat and started walking. And he was doing pretty well at first, but then he saw the wind and became afraid, and then started to sink and called out, "Lord, save me!" Jesus caught him and said, "You of little faith, why did you doubt?" Then they climbed into the boat and the wind died down.
This story has been playing in my head over and over again these past few weeks. The week before all of this happened, I had just taught about this story at a weekly bible study I attend. As I was teaching it, I was reminded of how easy it is to doubt.
I think when I was younger, whenever I would hear this story, I'd think, "Yeah, Peter! Why did you doubt? Don't you know that you're with Jesus." But as I get older, I understand why he would freak out, and I know that if it weren't for this story, many times I myself would get distracted and lose faith. In fact, even knowing this story, that still sometimes happens.
During the past couple of weeks, this imagery of walking on the water in the midst of a storm has come up several times during various conversations I've had with people. In fact, I think I even wrote about this early on in this blog.
And truth is right now we are in the midst of a struggle. Every day, we're trying to remain positive and focus on God's promises, but it's not always easy. We do feel very secure in God's abilities and his comfort and we do have a lot of faith that Alicia is going to be all right. But just because we are assured that Jesus is taking care of us, doesn't mean that we don't feel the wind and the waves battering against us.
And I'll be honest, while the faith isn't shaken, sometimes it gets tiring to keep pressing forward. In fact, sometimes, Linda and I wish it would just all be over. We don't want to walk on the water anymore. It's making us sick.
Alicia's condition over the past couple of days hasn't been all that great, although, things have turned around a bit, so we're thankful. (Those of you who are astute, will notice that when things are going well, my posts tend to be full of optimism and hope, and when things go not swell, my posts tend to be a bit more down. But I guess this is the journey of an NICU parent.)
Those of you who read my last post know that Alicia has been struggling with her breathing, she's also been losing weight, which is odd because she's been feeding on milk, so she should actually be gaining weight. Well, doctors did an echo-cardiogram (a sonogram of the heart) and found that not only did Alicia's PDA not get smaller, but it in fact had gotten bigger. So they told Linda, that Alicia may require surgery sooner rather than later.
Not good.
I've also mentioned Alicia's mucus. For the past week, they've been suctioning out the mucus every day from her lungs, but haven't been able to get it all out, so that's been affecting Alicia's breathing and therefore affecting her oxygen levels.
Also, yesterday morning when I talked to Linda, they had to hold off on increasing Alicia's milk intake because they noticed that her stomach was starting to get a little bloated.
These things are what I like to call, "the wind". These are the things that are coming against us, impeding progress. Thankfully, we have a relationship with a God who is not thwarted by these things.
All of the above news was from yesterday morning.
As of yesterday evening, things turned around.
Alicia's PDA actually got smaller! Now we're not sure about all the details of how this happened, as in, did the doctors give her another kind of medicine, or if it did so on it's own. But we just pray, more, Lord, more!
As for, the mucus, they were able to get it all out of her lungs! And now Alicia's seems to be feeling better. We just pray that it would be out and stay out for good.
And as for eating, they did an X-ray of her stomach and it looks like she is digesting well, so they were able to increase her milk intake to 4 cc per feeding. Another huge encouragement.
Phew.
By the way, I should take this time to apologize for my rant on doctors yesterday. They're really doing the best that they can, and as a doctor friend reminded me, there is no way to really personalize medicine yet. If there is a chance that something might happen, then they need to let us know. Because doctor's are not clairvoyent (my word), they can't predict which kid will get what, so it's important for them to educate parents on all possible scenarios so no one is caught off guard. So thank you doctors, for doing such an amazing job with Alicia. We just need to learn to filter. Listen to what they're saying, but realize that it doesn't necessarily mean that everything they say, will happen.
What I'm realizing with this journey is that as much as I wish it were a straight shot to the top, it's more of a windy, curvy road up a mountain, full of dips and potholes. Things go well, then problems come up, doctors adjust, then things go well, then other problems come up, again another adjustment. I'm reminded of something that God told me about a month ago.
"Just because things are a certain way now, doesn't mean that it's going to be that way forever. And just because something never was, doesn't mean that it never will be."
What does this mean? It means that we focus our eyes on Jesus and creator Daddy God. Peter started to sink when he focused on the wind instead of Jesus, and many times I've realized that as we focus on Alicia's various conditions and what the doctors are telling us, our emotions also start to sink. But when we refocus our eyes on Jesus, we know that none of this is too big or too difficult for him to handle.
It reminds me of that old him, "Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus."
Turn your eyes upon, Jesus
Look full in his wonderful face,
And the things of Earth will grow strangely dim,
In the light of his glory and grace
Words that once again have taken on new meaning for us. Hmm, when this is all over, maybe should I should record a CD of all the songs that God keeps bringing to mind. There are certainly plenty of them.
Anyway, friends, as you guys are walking along with us on this journey, I hope that these words can encourage you. No matter what you're going through, he can carry you through. He is more than able to handle anything that comes your way. (Haha... just thought of another song. But I'll save that for another post.) And I'm not just saying this out of head knowledge anymore, it's a proven fact. We're walking in it right now.
Hmm. Just had a thought, those of you who get motion sick know that one cure for motion sickness is to either close your eyes, or to focus on the horizon or some other distant object that is stationary. So what's the cure for our seasickness, focusing on Christ. He is steady and umoving. He his our rock, our shelter and our firm foundation.
God knows what he's doing. Sometimes he sends us in the midst of the storm, if you'll notice Jesus made the disciples get into the boat and go to the other side. This may sound like cruelty, but I believe God knows what he's doing. He puts us in this situations to make us stronger, so that he can reveal more of himself to us, and ultimately to bring a greater blessing. And he doesn't send you out alone, he's with you. And good news is, even if we do falter as Peter did, he'll always be there to catch us.
Prayer requests:
1. Please pray for strength for Linda and I. It's hard not to get bogged down with all the possible complications and the ups and downs of Alicia's health. Pray that God will help us to filter through all the information that the doctors are giving to us and to not get weighed down by it all.
2. Praise God for the improvements that Alicia's made. Her lungs are clear of mucus, she's eating better, and her PDA has gotten a bit smaller. Pray that these things will continue to get better each day.
3. Pray that Alicia would grow and gain weight. Pray that she would gain back some of her vigor. She's been pretty lethargic the past few days. Pray that she would feel well and not have any pain or discomfort.
4. Pray for the doctors to have wisdom as they treat Alicia, that they would be able to give her the most effective treatments with the lowest amounts of side-effects. Pray also that they would have favor with Alicia, Linda and I, and that we would be able to connect with them and bless them.
5. Pray for protection over Alicia physically, emotionally and spiritually. Ask the Lord to cancel any plans that Satan may have over her life, and that God would seal his purposes for her.
6. Pray that mentally Alicia would thrive. We've heard that premies tend to be really smart, we pray that that would be so. We pray for her brain development that it would be steady and strong. Pray that Linda and I would also be wise, because if she's going to smart, well, we better know how to handle her. =)
We thank God, that he continues to surround Alicia with his presence. We got two sweet drawings from some friends of ours that we just claim and recieve. One drawing is of God's giant invisible hands holding Alicia's hands as he is forming and shaping her. The other drawing is of the unseen angels surrounding Alicia's bed and singing to her. Amen. Love these images. And we just say, yes, Lord, thank you for blessing her with your presence and for surround her with your angels, and we say, more, Lord, more!
We just speak life, health and wholeness over our little girl. We claim a victory, and we proclaim that her life is a miracle, and will continue to be a miracle each and every day that she is alive. We look forward to the day that we will bring her home, happy, healthy and full of life. She is going to be a delight to all those that she meets, she already is a delight, even though most of you haven't met her yet. It's amazing, before Alicia was born, a close friend of ours was praying and he felt God telling him that Alicia was going to impact the nations. And what's amazing is, as Linda pointed out to me the other day, that she already is! Blogger has a cool function where you can check on the stats of your blog and check out your audience, and as of today, people from 10 different countries have been reading her story. Look at God! By the way, feel free to pass our blog to your friends and family. The more people who are praying the better! And also, our goal is also to be able to encourage, so if our words can be a blessing to others, then please feel free to share them.
Thank you all for continuing to walk with us. Your smiles, cards, messages, words and hugs mean the world to us. And thanks to all of you who have blessed us with gifts of books, clothes, baby paraphernalia they have been a big blessing. And for all of you who have given to support us monetarily, we are overwhelmed. Thank you. We have no idea how much Alicia's time in the hospital is going to cost, but your gifts will go a long way to help alleviate that. We pray that God would bless each of you who have been walking with us and supporting us in big ways and small.
Love,
Campbell
Monday, June 13, 2011
Assurance
As I've been writing this blog, one of my biggest challenges has been to find the right words to convey everything that we're going through. Over the past few weeks, I've written a lot about feeling "secure" and feeling "confident", but each time I wrote those words, I felt like they weren't quite exactly the words that I was looking for.
Then this morning the word, "assurance" popped into my head. And it was as if I found the right peg for the hole. "Assurance" that's what I've been feeling. I've been feeling assured by God that he's got everything in hand. God has given us assurance that one way or the other everything will work out for good. He's given us assurance that we are loved, cared for and enveloped in a thick cloud of prayer.
Assurance. Another one of those words that has taken on a new meaning for me in the past few weeks and a word that God has been telling me all day over and over again.
When I thought of the word "assurance" this morning, the song, "Blessed Assurance" immediately came to mind.
Blessed assurance, Jesus is mine!
Oh, what a foretaste of glory divine!
Heir of salvation, purchase of God,
Born of His Spirit, washed in His blood.
Refrain:
This is my story, this is my song,
Praising my Savior all the day long;
This is my story, this is my song,
Praising my Savior all the day long.
Perfect submission, perfect delight,
Visions of rapture now burst on my sight;
Angels, descending, bring from above
Echoes of mercy, whispers of love.
Perfect submission, all is at rest,
I in my Savior am happy and blest,
Watching and waiting, looking above,
Filled with His goodness, lost in His love.
Another one of those songs I've song hundreds of time in my lifetime. In fact, it's one of my dad's favorite hymns, so a song I'm quite familiar with. But as I look over and ponder the lyrics, they match my heart perfectly.
The lyrics to this song were written by Fanny J. Crosby, a blind hymn writer. Fanny was no stranger to suffering, yet she was able to pen such beautiful lyrics that are so true. Truly, having Jesus in our lives gives us a true foretaste of Heaven. And today, I really felt like God continued to bring this word, "assurance" to me over and over again.
It was my last day of filming today for this year, and after recording, I stopped by my Godmother's office to say hi. As I was there, she showed me a devotional that she was writing about God's sovereignty and control. In it, she encouraged her readers to "rest assured" that God's got everything under control. "Rest" meaning to cease activity, stop and be still. "Assured" meaning to have confidence and security. There was that word, "assured" again. As we were talking, in the next room the men of Heavenly Melody were practicing a song in Chinese. At first, I kind of tuned out what they were doing, but as they continued to practice, my ears started to pick up the familiar melody. It wasn't long before I realized they were singing, "BLESSED ASSURANCE!" I mean, OK. Some of you might say that it's just a coincidence. But I truly believe God was speaking to me and trying to encouraging me. I mean, there are literally hundreds of songs that these guys could have been practicing. But they were singing the very song that God reminded me of this morning, while I was reading something that my Godmother had written about being "rest assured". Now I don't know about you but when I hear the same message over and over again within a short period of time from different sources, I pay attention! I recognize that God is saying something.
And the message for today is "assurance!" Assurance that God is GOD. Assurance that he is in control. Assurance that he knows more about Alicia than we or any doctor possibly could ever know. Assurance that he loves Alicia more than we ever could, and assurance that he's got plans for her, plans to prosper her and not harm her, plans to give her a hope and a future.
Just for fun, I just looked up the meaning of the word assurance it means "a positive declaration intended to give confidence; a promise." A promise!! When I read that word, I laughed out loud. Do you know what the Biblical Hebrew meaning of Alicia is? OATH of God. An OATH, a PROMISE! Assurance.
This whole time my daughter has been the embodiment of God's assurance. This whole experience has been one of learning to lean on his assurance, his promises, trusting that he is a God who keeps his word. And don't forget Charis - God's grace.
My sense, as I write this, is that Alicia is going to be a living, breathing reminder of God's promise of grace. His promise to be with us and to carry us through all of life's circumstances.
Amazing! Wow.
This word of assurance couldn't have arrived on a better day. Today was a harder day for Linda, I'll let her tell you more about it in her own words when she's up to it. But in a nutshell, I had to come up to Taipei again for recording, leaving her to visit Alicia and to face the doctors and the ICU alone.
Alicia is doing pretty well, at least in our eyes, but I guess Linda had a couple of hard conversations with the doctors today about Alicia's condition.
As Linda was recounting her evening conversation with the doctor, the family protector in me started rearing up for a fight. Ugh, it made me so mad. I know doctors need to be realistic, but really do they have to be so grim?!
The evening doctor started telling Linda that Alicia wasn't doing very well, and that she's still really small and weak. And babies that are this small are prone to infection and can easily catch viruses and get sick. And while, yes that's all true. How does this help us? And then she started to talk about how compared to a full-term baby Alicia is this and that. Well, you know what Miss NICU Doctor? She's NOT A FULL-TERM baby! So of course, Alicia is NOT going to have what a FULL-TERM baby has! You know what would help? Tell me how she's doing compared to other premies! That would help. Apples to apples, doctor! Apples to apples! Telling me how she compares to a full-term baby doesn't help me to know how she's doing, because she's not full term! I'm sorry to all my doctor friends out there, reading this. I bet you some of you really want to stand up and defend the doctor. And I'm sure that there is a perfectly logical reason for her to say and do all these things. But it really upset Linda and I just hate seeing my girl upset. But also, honestly, I want to know how Alicia is doing for a kid in her circumstance. And we realize that of course, she's not OK and her condition is not optimal, I mean, hello, if she were OK, she wouldn't be in the NICU! But can you tell me, in terms of her age, her condition, how's she doing? Sigh. OK. I'll get off my soap box now.
Onto the prayer requests.
First the praises:
1. Linda says Alicia is looking better and better. Not so old-lady like. =) haha. I look forward to seeing her again tomorrow and seeing how my little girl has morphed in the past day.
2. Alicia continues to feed well! It seems like every couple of hours, when I talk to Linda, they're feeding her more and more. Just a few days ago, when they first started feeding her, they were only giving her 0.5 cc to help her body get used to digesting. Two days later they upped the intake to 1.0 cc. Then the next day 1.5 cc. Then this morning it was 2.0 cc and by this evening Alicia was up to 3.0 cc! You go, girl! She's eating so well. We pray that she continues to take in more and more milk so she can get the antibodies she needs and also start packing on some fat. She's way too skinny.
3. She's pooping on her own now! And also her poop is green, which I guess is healthy. I was talking to a friend today and I was saying how it's odd that poop and other bodily excrement don't really gross me out anymore. OK. I should amend that, poop and other bodily excrement from people I love don't really gross me out. I mean, whatever. I get poop on my hand, I wash it, eh? Guess it's easy for me to say, not having to have to change a diaper yet. haha.
And now the prayer requests:
4. Alicia continues to have problems with her breathing. She was doing well for awhile, but now she's just really not taking in enough oxygen. Her lungs are quite small, and also she's getting a lot of mucus in there that makes breathing all that more difficult. Pray that her lungs would strengthen and that God would clear out any unnecessary mucus in her lungs. Also, pray that God would develop the part of her brain that would remind her to breathe, so that she wouldn't have episodes where she stops breathing. Not good for her.
5. Pray protection over her body from infections and diseases. As I said earlier, her immune system is still pretty weak, so she is very susceptible to virus and bacteria.
6. Pray for her physiological development. Pray that she would develop well both physically and psychologically.
7. Nurses say that Alicia has been pretty lethargic the past couple of days. She hasn't been the active Alicia from days of yore. My theory? She's hungry. Of course, I'm no doctor, so don't take my word for it. But I think now that her digestive system has been kicked into gear, I think she needs more milk. They don't want to give her too much at once for fear that her body can't handle it. But I think she's just not getting enough calories. I mean, think about when you're really hungry. How much energy do you have? My guess is you're pretty lethargic in those circumstances too. So brings back to the whole, pray that she'll eat more and be able to handle the milk and thrive on it.
Thanks friends, for following so faithfully and journeying with us.
Much love!
Campbell
Then this morning the word, "assurance" popped into my head. And it was as if I found the right peg for the hole. "Assurance" that's what I've been feeling. I've been feeling assured by God that he's got everything in hand. God has given us assurance that one way or the other everything will work out for good. He's given us assurance that we are loved, cared for and enveloped in a thick cloud of prayer.
Assurance. Another one of those words that has taken on a new meaning for me in the past few weeks and a word that God has been telling me all day over and over again.
When I thought of the word "assurance" this morning, the song, "Blessed Assurance" immediately came to mind.
Blessed assurance, Jesus is mine!
Oh, what a foretaste of glory divine!
Heir of salvation, purchase of God,
Born of His Spirit, washed in His blood.
Refrain:
This is my story, this is my song,
Praising my Savior all the day long;
This is my story, this is my song,
Praising my Savior all the day long.
Perfect submission, perfect delight,
Visions of rapture now burst on my sight;
Angels, descending, bring from above
Echoes of mercy, whispers of love.
Perfect submission, all is at rest,
I in my Savior am happy and blest,
Watching and waiting, looking above,
Filled with His goodness, lost in His love.
Another one of those songs I've song hundreds of time in my lifetime. In fact, it's one of my dad's favorite hymns, so a song I'm quite familiar with. But as I look over and ponder the lyrics, they match my heart perfectly.
The lyrics to this song were written by Fanny J. Crosby, a blind hymn writer. Fanny was no stranger to suffering, yet she was able to pen such beautiful lyrics that are so true. Truly, having Jesus in our lives gives us a true foretaste of Heaven. And today, I really felt like God continued to bring this word, "assurance" to me over and over again.
It was my last day of filming today for this year, and after recording, I stopped by my Godmother's office to say hi. As I was there, she showed me a devotional that she was writing about God's sovereignty and control. In it, she encouraged her readers to "rest assured" that God's got everything under control. "Rest" meaning to cease activity, stop and be still. "Assured" meaning to have confidence and security. There was that word, "assured" again. As we were talking, in the next room the men of Heavenly Melody were practicing a song in Chinese. At first, I kind of tuned out what they were doing, but as they continued to practice, my ears started to pick up the familiar melody. It wasn't long before I realized they were singing, "BLESSED ASSURANCE!" I mean, OK. Some of you might say that it's just a coincidence. But I truly believe God was speaking to me and trying to encouraging me. I mean, there are literally hundreds of songs that these guys could have been practicing. But they were singing the very song that God reminded me of this morning, while I was reading something that my Godmother had written about being "rest assured". Now I don't know about you but when I hear the same message over and over again within a short period of time from different sources, I pay attention! I recognize that God is saying something.
And the message for today is "assurance!" Assurance that God is GOD. Assurance that he is in control. Assurance that he knows more about Alicia than we or any doctor possibly could ever know. Assurance that he loves Alicia more than we ever could, and assurance that he's got plans for her, plans to prosper her and not harm her, plans to give her a hope and a future.
Just for fun, I just looked up the meaning of the word assurance it means "a positive declaration intended to give confidence; a promise." A promise!! When I read that word, I laughed out loud. Do you know what the Biblical Hebrew meaning of Alicia is? OATH of God. An OATH, a PROMISE! Assurance.
This whole time my daughter has been the embodiment of God's assurance. This whole experience has been one of learning to lean on his assurance, his promises, trusting that he is a God who keeps his word. And don't forget Charis - God's grace.
My sense, as I write this, is that Alicia is going to be a living, breathing reminder of God's promise of grace. His promise to be with us and to carry us through all of life's circumstances.
Amazing! Wow.
This word of assurance couldn't have arrived on a better day. Today was a harder day for Linda, I'll let her tell you more about it in her own words when she's up to it. But in a nutshell, I had to come up to Taipei again for recording, leaving her to visit Alicia and to face the doctors and the ICU alone.
Alicia is doing pretty well, at least in our eyes, but I guess Linda had a couple of hard conversations with the doctors today about Alicia's condition.
As Linda was recounting her evening conversation with the doctor, the family protector in me started rearing up for a fight. Ugh, it made me so mad. I know doctors need to be realistic, but really do they have to be so grim?!
The evening doctor started telling Linda that Alicia wasn't doing very well, and that she's still really small and weak. And babies that are this small are prone to infection and can easily catch viruses and get sick. And while, yes that's all true. How does this help us? And then she started to talk about how compared to a full-term baby Alicia is this and that. Well, you know what Miss NICU Doctor? She's NOT A FULL-TERM baby! So of course, Alicia is NOT going to have what a FULL-TERM baby has! You know what would help? Tell me how she's doing compared to other premies! That would help. Apples to apples, doctor! Apples to apples! Telling me how she compares to a full-term baby doesn't help me to know how she's doing, because she's not full term! I'm sorry to all my doctor friends out there, reading this. I bet you some of you really want to stand up and defend the doctor. And I'm sure that there is a perfectly logical reason for her to say and do all these things. But it really upset Linda and I just hate seeing my girl upset. But also, honestly, I want to know how Alicia is doing for a kid in her circumstance. And we realize that of course, she's not OK and her condition is not optimal, I mean, hello, if she were OK, she wouldn't be in the NICU! But can you tell me, in terms of her age, her condition, how's she doing? Sigh. OK. I'll get off my soap box now.
Onto the prayer requests.
First the praises:
1. Linda says Alicia is looking better and better. Not so old-lady like. =) haha. I look forward to seeing her again tomorrow and seeing how my little girl has morphed in the past day.
2. Alicia continues to feed well! It seems like every couple of hours, when I talk to Linda, they're feeding her more and more. Just a few days ago, when they first started feeding her, they were only giving her 0.5 cc to help her body get used to digesting. Two days later they upped the intake to 1.0 cc. Then the next day 1.5 cc. Then this morning it was 2.0 cc and by this evening Alicia was up to 3.0 cc! You go, girl! She's eating so well. We pray that she continues to take in more and more milk so she can get the antibodies she needs and also start packing on some fat. She's way too skinny.
3. She's pooping on her own now! And also her poop is green, which I guess is healthy. I was talking to a friend today and I was saying how it's odd that poop and other bodily excrement don't really gross me out anymore. OK. I should amend that, poop and other bodily excrement from people I love don't really gross me out. I mean, whatever. I get poop on my hand, I wash it, eh? Guess it's easy for me to say, not having to have to change a diaper yet. haha.
And now the prayer requests:
4. Alicia continues to have problems with her breathing. She was doing well for awhile, but now she's just really not taking in enough oxygen. Her lungs are quite small, and also she's getting a lot of mucus in there that makes breathing all that more difficult. Pray that her lungs would strengthen and that God would clear out any unnecessary mucus in her lungs. Also, pray that God would develop the part of her brain that would remind her to breathe, so that she wouldn't have episodes where she stops breathing. Not good for her.
5. Pray protection over her body from infections and diseases. As I said earlier, her immune system is still pretty weak, so she is very susceptible to virus and bacteria.
6. Pray for her physiological development. Pray that she would develop well both physically and psychologically.
7. Nurses say that Alicia has been pretty lethargic the past couple of days. She hasn't been the active Alicia from days of yore. My theory? She's hungry. Of course, I'm no doctor, so don't take my word for it. But I think now that her digestive system has been kicked into gear, I think she needs more milk. They don't want to give her too much at once for fear that her body can't handle it. But I think she's just not getting enough calories. I mean, think about when you're really hungry. How much energy do you have? My guess is you're pretty lethargic in those circumstances too. So brings back to the whole, pray that she'll eat more and be able to handle the milk and thrive on it.
Thanks friends, for following so faithfully and journeying with us.
Much love!
Campbell
Saturday, June 11, 2011
Our Firm Foundation
This morning on the way to the hospital, Linda took my hand and said, "Let's praise Daddy." So we started to pray. We thanked him for his faithfulness, we thanked him for the peace that he's been giving to us. We gave him praise for being our rock and our shelter. We thanked him for the work that he has been continuously performing on Alicia and on the two of us. Then this song popped into my head and Linda and I started singing it together.
I've probably sung this song at least a hundred times, but in the light of Alicia's birth the words became more real and alive to me than ever before.
Jesus, You’re my firm foundation
I know I can stand secure
Jesus, You’re my firm foundation
I put my hope in Your Holy word
I put my hope in Your Holy word
I have a living hope
I have a future
God has a plan for me
Of this I’m sure
Of this I’m sure
Your word is faithful
Mighty with power
God will deliver me
Of this I’m sure
Of this I’m sure
Over the past 2 weeks, Jesus has indeed been our firm foundation. Linda and I have really felt like we've been standing on solid ground. While, yes, we were well aware of the storm raging about us, we felt safe, we felt confident, we felt secure. We knew that God had a plan.
Now here's the thing. Having a solid foundation underneath you doesn't mean that you don't ever feel any negative emotions. There were definitely moments over the past two weeks when Linda and I felt sad, anxious, or scared even. But each time we began to get unsteady, we were able to readjust ourselves and stand sturdy again. I think in circumstances like this, it's easy to spin out of control. You get worried, you get anxious, sad and you go on a downward spiral. But with Christ as our foundation, Linda and I had hope, we trusted in his plans for us, and therefore we were able to bounce back. And overall, I would say that the general emotion over the past week was one of peace and confidence.
Yesterday, I wrote about how it felt odd when people congratulated us after Alicia's birth. I need to clarify that I don't think it was wrong or inappropriate to congratulate us. In fact, I should say, "thank you!" Thanks for your words of blessing and acknowledging the joy of the event. We have a new addition to our family, definitely something to be congratulated over. What I was writing about yesterday was the mixed emotions that I felt at the time of her birth. The feeling that I should celebrate, but at the time it felt odd to be celebrating. This morning, on our way to the hospital, however, I felt like rejoicing. I mean, Alicia is still in the hospital, and she's still tiny. But I felt like rejoicing because I am confident in my Heavenly Father's provision and his power to heal. And Linda and I have faith and confidence that sooner rather than later Alicia is going to be home with us, healthy and strong.
As we were driving, I was commenting to Linda how great, yet odd it felt to be walking in such faith. Linda and I have been kind of reclusive the past couple of weeks, so we haven't seen many people, but if you were able to observe us, you'd see that we haven't been moping about or ridden with anxiety. In fact, we go about our day with a lot of joy and we really don't have too many moments of stress. In fact, it's to the point where I get in trouble for making Linda laugh too much, because right now it hurts when she does. This isn't to say, look at us, we're so great! I'm saying this to give testament to how amazing our Heavenly Father is. And as we trust in him, and stand firm upon his promises, how we can have joy in the midst of storms, and peace in the midst of chaos.
This is something that I've preached about, taught about, and spoken about to many, many people over the years. And we've experienced it in little dosages before, but never in such a way as these past two weeks.
God's really putting us through a time when we need to, to borrow some cliches, "walk the walk and not just talk the talk," "put our money where our mouths are," and to "put up or shut up."
We talk a lot about trusting God through all circumstances, and now it was time to see if we could really live up to our own teachings.
And by God's grace, we've been doing it. It's hard to explain the feeling, but it's really as if we have been living in a time when Alicia is out of the hospital and out of danger's way, as if our reality were that we had a perfectly healthy child who didn't need to be hooked up to machines and tubes in order to survive. I feel like we're really living out Hebrews 11:1 in the Bible where it says, "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." What is our hope? Our hope is that our daughter will come out of the hospital healthy and strong. That she will live a life better than that of a child born under normal circumstances. And in our hearts, we are sure that it's going to happen, and certain that this will come about even though at this point we don't see it.
Earlier this afternoon, I was watching the movie "Back to the Future" on TV. And I think that movie is a great way to explain what we're experiencing. It's as if someone from the future has come back to the present and told us that our daughter is going to be OK. And we really just believe it to be true, even though we haven't quite seen the complete fulfillment of that promise yet.
Again, I need to emphasize that I'm not writing all of this to say how strong and amazing Linda and I are. In fact, as I write this, I sense that there may be a test in this faith coming soon. But I write and say this because God has been faithful to us. Without his Holy Spirit guiding us and his presence with us, this faith would be impossible. Without a relationship with the Father, this faith would be nonexistent. It's only because of God's immense grace and love over us that we can even have this faith. So if there's any glory due, it's due to our loving Heavenly Father.
As for Alicia, our little girl is doing really well! Praise the Lord! Today is the eve of her two-week birthday. You'll remember that doctors had previously said that the first two weeks are very telling in terms of how a premie will fare. And this morning Alicia's primary care physician came and said that she's doing well. Her blood pressure and other vital signs are all stable. Her breathing is still not ideal, but everyone feels that that's more because she's really young and doesn't know that she needs to breathe yet, and not necessarily any physical problem with her lungs. Also, she's doing well with her milk intake. They upped her intake from .5 ml to 1 ml per feeding and she seems to be digesting the milk well. In fact, she's started to poop on her own! So that's great news.
My dad was able to come for another visit with Alicia and during his time with her, a second doctor came and filled him in on her condition, and again confirmed that she's doing well. In fact, she said that if Alicia keeps progressing the way she has been, she'll grow pretty quickly. Yay!
Also, the mystery of Alicia's constantly-morphing appearance has been solved. She hasn't been growing or maturing, she's been losing water, which means her swelling is going down. Over the past two weeks she's been losing a lot weight consistently and while at first Linda and I were concerned, the doctors explained that this is a good thing. It means that she's getting rid of the excess water in her body. So her body is less swollen now, which explains why she was looking so different.
Alicia had her blindfold off again today, and was awake for some of her visit, so we got to see her open her eyes and look at us. Guys, I'm in love. My little girl is beautiful. =) Haha. Far cry from what I was saying yesterday, huh? Well, not really. I think what I was trying to say yesterday, is that right now Alicia looks like a baby size-wise, but because she doesn't have any baby fat, her face and body look incredibly mature. Very much like a mini adult and not a baby. But that's OK. Now that she's drinking milk, she'll pack on the fat in no time, I'm sure.
So keep praying friends. Your prayers are making a huge difference. The joys and victories Linda and I are experiencing are as much yours as they are ours.
Specific prayer requests, pretty much the same as yesterday.
1. Now that she's taking milk, pray that that would continue and that her body would receive and thrive on it. And that they won't need to stop it for any reason.
2. Pray for her senses. Pray that God would protect her hearing, her sight, her sense of touch, taste and smell, that none of this would be damaged or impacted in any negative way by her stay in the NICU. Premies have a hard time dealing with the excess stimulation that our bodies have learned to tune out.
3. Pray for her breathing. She's been breathing steady the past few days, but I think that's more because they haven't really pushed her too hard with the ventilator and have kept it pretty stable. Right now, I think the air that she's breathing is 50% oxygen. Regular room air is about 21% oxygen. Her body needs to get efficient at pulling oxygen from air that's about 25% oxygen before they can take her off the ventilator. So pray that she can start to do that. Also pray that the part of her brain that regulates breathing would develop quickly. That part of the brain hasn't really matured enough to recognize the body's need for air, which is why she sometimes forgets to breathe.
4. Also pray for her lungs. She's got a significant amount of mucus in her lungs, which is normal for a kid her size and age. Most healthy kids and adults get rid of this mucus on their own, but she's still too small to do that, so they need to do it for her. Pray that her body will start to clear the mucus out on its own.
5. Pray that she can rest and sleep. She really needs to develop a good circadian rhythm for her body to know when to produce growth hormones and basically for overall health. So pray that she'll be able to rest enough and also sleep deeply, despite any noises or distractions around her.
6. For the most part, in observing Alicia, we've sensed that she's got a great deal of peace. I remember my dad telling me that he's been at a lot of people's bedsides when they pass from this life to the next, and he can usually tell where the person has gone based on the expression on that person's face after they've left. People who go to heaven tend have a look of peace on their faces and look like their sleeping. And that's really how Alicia looks. She looks like she's at peace. I don't really see her fussing or flailing about all that much. And when she does move it's more the kind of movement that you would see any normal person doing when they're asleep -- the slow stretch or the slight shift in body weight. She doesn't seem scared or anxious, which we're thankful about. Please pray that she would continue to be at peace and that the Holy Spirit would just cover her with his presence. Pray that she would just be enveloped in such protection and not be disturbed or distressed in any way.
Alicia is on the mends, friends! Can't wait for you guys to meet her.
Lots of love.
Campbell
I've probably sung this song at least a hundred times, but in the light of Alicia's birth the words became more real and alive to me than ever before.
Jesus, You’re my firm foundation
I know I can stand secure
Jesus, You’re my firm foundation
I put my hope in Your Holy word
I put my hope in Your Holy word
I have a living hope
I have a future
God has a plan for me
Of this I’m sure
Of this I’m sure
Your word is faithful
Mighty with power
God will deliver me
Of this I’m sure
Of this I’m sure
Over the past 2 weeks, Jesus has indeed been our firm foundation. Linda and I have really felt like we've been standing on solid ground. While, yes, we were well aware of the storm raging about us, we felt safe, we felt confident, we felt secure. We knew that God had a plan.
Now here's the thing. Having a solid foundation underneath you doesn't mean that you don't ever feel any negative emotions. There were definitely moments over the past two weeks when Linda and I felt sad, anxious, or scared even. But each time we began to get unsteady, we were able to readjust ourselves and stand sturdy again. I think in circumstances like this, it's easy to spin out of control. You get worried, you get anxious, sad and you go on a downward spiral. But with Christ as our foundation, Linda and I had hope, we trusted in his plans for us, and therefore we were able to bounce back. And overall, I would say that the general emotion over the past week was one of peace and confidence.
Yesterday, I wrote about how it felt odd when people congratulated us after Alicia's birth. I need to clarify that I don't think it was wrong or inappropriate to congratulate us. In fact, I should say, "thank you!" Thanks for your words of blessing and acknowledging the joy of the event. We have a new addition to our family, definitely something to be congratulated over. What I was writing about yesterday was the mixed emotions that I felt at the time of her birth. The feeling that I should celebrate, but at the time it felt odd to be celebrating. This morning, on our way to the hospital, however, I felt like rejoicing. I mean, Alicia is still in the hospital, and she's still tiny. But I felt like rejoicing because I am confident in my Heavenly Father's provision and his power to heal. And Linda and I have faith and confidence that sooner rather than later Alicia is going to be home with us, healthy and strong.
As we were driving, I was commenting to Linda how great, yet odd it felt to be walking in such faith. Linda and I have been kind of reclusive the past couple of weeks, so we haven't seen many people, but if you were able to observe us, you'd see that we haven't been moping about or ridden with anxiety. In fact, we go about our day with a lot of joy and we really don't have too many moments of stress. In fact, it's to the point where I get in trouble for making Linda laugh too much, because right now it hurts when she does. This isn't to say, look at us, we're so great! I'm saying this to give testament to how amazing our Heavenly Father is. And as we trust in him, and stand firm upon his promises, how we can have joy in the midst of storms, and peace in the midst of chaos.
This is something that I've preached about, taught about, and spoken about to many, many people over the years. And we've experienced it in little dosages before, but never in such a way as these past two weeks.
God's really putting us through a time when we need to, to borrow some cliches, "walk the walk and not just talk the talk," "put our money where our mouths are," and to "put up or shut up."
We talk a lot about trusting God through all circumstances, and now it was time to see if we could really live up to our own teachings.
And by God's grace, we've been doing it. It's hard to explain the feeling, but it's really as if we have been living in a time when Alicia is out of the hospital and out of danger's way, as if our reality were that we had a perfectly healthy child who didn't need to be hooked up to machines and tubes in order to survive. I feel like we're really living out Hebrews 11:1 in the Bible where it says, "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." What is our hope? Our hope is that our daughter will come out of the hospital healthy and strong. That she will live a life better than that of a child born under normal circumstances. And in our hearts, we are sure that it's going to happen, and certain that this will come about even though at this point we don't see it.
Earlier this afternoon, I was watching the movie "Back to the Future" on TV. And I think that movie is a great way to explain what we're experiencing. It's as if someone from the future has come back to the present and told us that our daughter is going to be OK. And we really just believe it to be true, even though we haven't quite seen the complete fulfillment of that promise yet.
Again, I need to emphasize that I'm not writing all of this to say how strong and amazing Linda and I are. In fact, as I write this, I sense that there may be a test in this faith coming soon. But I write and say this because God has been faithful to us. Without his Holy Spirit guiding us and his presence with us, this faith would be impossible. Without a relationship with the Father, this faith would be nonexistent. It's only because of God's immense grace and love over us that we can even have this faith. So if there's any glory due, it's due to our loving Heavenly Father.
As for Alicia, our little girl is doing really well! Praise the Lord! Today is the eve of her two-week birthday. You'll remember that doctors had previously said that the first two weeks are very telling in terms of how a premie will fare. And this morning Alicia's primary care physician came and said that she's doing well. Her blood pressure and other vital signs are all stable. Her breathing is still not ideal, but everyone feels that that's more because she's really young and doesn't know that she needs to breathe yet, and not necessarily any physical problem with her lungs. Also, she's doing well with her milk intake. They upped her intake from .5 ml to 1 ml per feeding and she seems to be digesting the milk well. In fact, she's started to poop on her own! So that's great news.
My dad was able to come for another visit with Alicia and during his time with her, a second doctor came and filled him in on her condition, and again confirmed that she's doing well. In fact, she said that if Alicia keeps progressing the way she has been, she'll grow pretty quickly. Yay!
Also, the mystery of Alicia's constantly-morphing appearance has been solved. She hasn't been growing or maturing, she's been losing water, which means her swelling is going down. Over the past two weeks she's been losing a lot weight consistently and while at first Linda and I were concerned, the doctors explained that this is a good thing. It means that she's getting rid of the excess water in her body. So her body is less swollen now, which explains why she was looking so different.
Alicia had her blindfold off again today, and was awake for some of her visit, so we got to see her open her eyes and look at us. Guys, I'm in love. My little girl is beautiful. =) Haha. Far cry from what I was saying yesterday, huh? Well, not really. I think what I was trying to say yesterday, is that right now Alicia looks like a baby size-wise, but because she doesn't have any baby fat, her face and body look incredibly mature. Very much like a mini adult and not a baby. But that's OK. Now that she's drinking milk, she'll pack on the fat in no time, I'm sure.
So keep praying friends. Your prayers are making a huge difference. The joys and victories Linda and I are experiencing are as much yours as they are ours.
Specific prayer requests, pretty much the same as yesterday.
1. Now that she's taking milk, pray that that would continue and that her body would receive and thrive on it. And that they won't need to stop it for any reason.
2. Pray for her senses. Pray that God would protect her hearing, her sight, her sense of touch, taste and smell, that none of this would be damaged or impacted in any negative way by her stay in the NICU. Premies have a hard time dealing with the excess stimulation that our bodies have learned to tune out.
3. Pray for her breathing. She's been breathing steady the past few days, but I think that's more because they haven't really pushed her too hard with the ventilator and have kept it pretty stable. Right now, I think the air that she's breathing is 50% oxygen. Regular room air is about 21% oxygen. Her body needs to get efficient at pulling oxygen from air that's about 25% oxygen before they can take her off the ventilator. So pray that she can start to do that. Also pray that the part of her brain that regulates breathing would develop quickly. That part of the brain hasn't really matured enough to recognize the body's need for air, which is why she sometimes forgets to breathe.
4. Also pray for her lungs. She's got a significant amount of mucus in her lungs, which is normal for a kid her size and age. Most healthy kids and adults get rid of this mucus on their own, but she's still too small to do that, so they need to do it for her. Pray that her body will start to clear the mucus out on its own.
5. Pray that she can rest and sleep. She really needs to develop a good circadian rhythm for her body to know when to produce growth hormones and basically for overall health. So pray that she'll be able to rest enough and also sleep deeply, despite any noises or distractions around her.
6. For the most part, in observing Alicia, we've sensed that she's got a great deal of peace. I remember my dad telling me that he's been at a lot of people's bedsides when they pass from this life to the next, and he can usually tell where the person has gone based on the expression on that person's face after they've left. People who go to heaven tend have a look of peace on their faces and look like their sleeping. And that's really how Alicia looks. She looks like she's at peace. I don't really see her fussing or flailing about all that much. And when she does move it's more the kind of movement that you would see any normal person doing when they're asleep -- the slow stretch or the slight shift in body weight. She doesn't seem scared or anxious, which we're thankful about. Please pray that she would continue to be at peace and that the Holy Spirit would just cover her with his presence. Pray that she would just be enveloped in such protection and not be disturbed or distressed in any way.
Alicia is on the mends, friends! Can't wait for you guys to meet her.
Lots of love.
Campbell
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)