Friday, May 9, 2014

New Life

Well, it's been almost a year since our last post. And what a year it has been. Alicia has grown so much, and is moving along in her development quite well. And ... oh, yeah. We got pregnant! Actually, that's why I'm here typing again.

Right now, I'm lying in a hospital room, next to my wife who is resting as she prepares for yet another C-section.

Reminds me of the first night that I wrote on this blog, back then I was also in a hospital room, next to my sleeping wife, who had just had an emergency C-section. Crazy how time flies and how life goes on.

We arrived at the hospital last night, and Linda and I were commenting on how the circumstances surrounding this birth are so completely different than Alicia's birth. This time around, we'd known about this C-section for months. Months ago, our doctor told us that because Linda had had the C-section so early last time, if we tried for a vaginal birth after cesarean (VBAC), Linda's risk of uterine rupture during delivery was increased. So our OB-GYN highly recommended another C-section. Well, I don't know if recommended is the right word, more like informed us that we would be having another C-section.

At first, I wasn't sure how I felt about this, because first of all, it meant that we'd be taking baby out several weeks early (37 weeks vs. 40 weeks) and second of all, I still remember the recovery process for Linda from the last C-section. It was quite uncomfortable. So I was really hesitant, and even considered telling our OB-GYN that no, we'd like to try for a VBAC anyway. But after praying and then talking to several of our friends in the medical sphere, and considering the fact that our doctor is a well-known high-risk pregnancy doctor here in Taiwan, and also me not having the first clue on child-birth, we decided that we would go ahead with the scheduled C-section.

So here we are, week 37 and two days. Linda and I were woken up about two hours ago to begin the prep process. (I'll spare you the details.) It's baby day and if all goes well, we'll be meeting our new daughter within two hours. Crazy.

There are so many thoughts running around my head right now. I'll be honest, right before starting this entry, I was researching C-sections and all that entails and doubts started creeping up in my mind again. Perhaps we should have pushed more for the VBAC, maybe we should have asked more questions. But too late now. We're on the train and it's already left the station.

Also, I can't help but feel absolutely 100% useless during this process. I mean other than my early contribution to the life of this child, up to this point I have pretty much not had anything to do with carrying her, nurturing her, incubating her and keeping her healthy. And for the next few hours, I will have nothing to do with her coming out, other than standing by Linda's side and encouraging her. I mean, seriously, for the past 9 months, every ache and pain, every physical change, every sore muscle, every kick, every needle prick, every swollen appendage has been Linda's and Linda's alone. And now, over the next few hours, it will be her who will have to endure the epidural, her who will have to deal with the surgery and her who will have to deal with the recovery.

I feel completely and utterly useless.

So any man, woman or child who ever disrespects a mother (and I'm talking to myself here, too), no offense, but you're acting stupid. I mean these WOMEN are AMAZING! What they have to go through to bring these children into the world - I mean, WOW.

And it's like, I want to have more kids, but how do I dare ask Linda to go through all of this, AGAIN? I mean? Really. It's not something I can ask of her. It would be one thing if I could take the pain and struggle of bringing the child into the world, and do something to help. But seriously, as I said earlier, I pretty much am 100% obsolete in the pregnancy, birthing and recovery process. It's not my body that has to deal with all the changes and discomfort. Ever want to feel useless? Be a husband, awaiting the delivery of your child. Don't get me wrong, this is no self-abasement. I'm not putting myself down. I am just accepting my lot in life (well at least in this process). So as much as I would LOVE to have another kid of my own (yes, I know... let's see how it is with two before opening my mouth and making such a statement), in the end, the decision is completely up to Linda and God.

So gentlemen with wives who have been or who are pregnant. We seriously need to bow down and honor these women as the queens and warriors they are. I mean, they go through a heck-of-a-lot to give life to our children. We best not EVER disrespect them EVER.

So on this day, the birthday of our second daughter, and two days before Mother's Day, I just want to say to ALL the mothers out there, THANK YOU. THANK YOU! May God bless you immensely for all you have done. YOU ARE AMAZING!

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