Cherishing Cinderella

Over the past few days I've been reading the book, "Choosing to See" written by Mary Beth Chapman, wife of Christian music artist, Steven Curtis Chapman. The book is a memoir of sorts for their adopted daughter Maria Sue Chapman whom the family lost when she was five years old to a tragic car accident.

While our circumstance is nowhere near as traumatic as what that family went through, a lot of what Mary wrote in the book really resonated. I recognized a lot of my own thoughts and feelings in her words. Things that I've also had to process through.

One really needs to be careful about where one reads a book like that. I mean, there were a few times on the bus or MRT that I really needed to fight to restrain my tears for fear of looking like a crazy sap who cries at books. Though I suppose that is what I am. =)

Throughout the book, they interspersed lyrics from various songs by Steven Curtis Chapman. One that stuck out to me was "Cinderella".

She spins and she sways
To whatever song plays
Without a care in the world
And I'm sitting here wearing
The weight of the world on my shoulders

It's been a long day
And there's still work to do
She's pulling at me
Saying "Dad, I need you

There's a ball at the castle
And I've been invited
And I need to practice my dancing
Oh, please, Daddy, please?"

So I will dance with Cinderella
While she is here in my arms
'Cause I know something the prince never knew
Oh, I will dance with Cinderella
I don't want to miss even one song
'Cause all too soon the clock will strike midnight
And she'll be gone...

She says he's a nice guy and I'd be impressed
She wants to know if I approve of the dress
She says, "Dad, the prom is just one week away
And I need to practice my dancing
Oh, please, Daddy, please?"

So I will dance with Cinderella
While she is here in my arms
'Cause I know something the prince never knew
Oh, I will dance with Cinderella
I don't want to miss even one song
'Cause all too soon the clock will strike midnight
And she'll be gone

She will be gone

Well, she came home today with a ring on her hand
Just glowing and telling us all they had planned
She says, "Dad, the wedding's still six months away
But I need to practice my dancing
Oh, please, Daddy, please?"

So I will dance with Cinderella
While she is here in my arms
'Cause I know something the prince never knew
Oh, I will dance with Cinderella
I don't want to miss even one song
'Cause all too soon the clock will strike midnight
And she'll be gone

Reading through the book and listening to the song, I feel like the one major message I keep hearing over and over is to cherish the moments we have with our loved ones. Truly, as cliche as this sounds, none of us are guaranteed tomorrow.

And unfortunately things in this broken world don't always go as planned. One lesson that has been impressed upon me deeply these past few years is that we can't always predict how life will go.

We think the natural progression of things is, "Get married. Get pregnant. Have kid. Raise kid. Grow old. Pass on." But in the midst of all these steps, things get so muddled.

Time after time, over these past few years, we've had friends lose one child after the other to miscarriage or other unfortunate events. And it really woke me up.

In my naivete, I always thought getting pregnant and having kids was the easiest thing in the world. And that once you get pregnant, the natural progression is that you carry it to term, and then once the kid is out, you raise them until they're old enough to take care of themselves. But God shook up that fantasy real quick.

As I was writing these words, I had an "A-ha!" moment.

Many years ago, a prophet when he was praying felt that God wanted to give me a verse:

In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps. Proverbs 16:9

At the time, I had no idea what this verse meant. I honestly didn't feel like it had anything to do with my life. If I were to be completely truthful, I think I even thought that the guy was probably just pulling some random verse from memory.

But as I look back over the years since I was given that verse, I realize that it has been a truly apt description of our lives.

And my a-ha moment that I described earlier is that I realized that Linda and my path to being parents has been exactly this!

We thought becoming parents would be as simple as getting pregnant, taking care of Linda, making sure that she eats right. Prevent Linda from getting sick or injured. And 40 weeks later, out pops a baby. That was the plan, in my mind. But God decided to set us on a different path. First, with the miscarriage of our first child, and now with the early arrival of Alicia.

None of this was in our plans. But it was in God's plans. While all of this took us by surprise, he knew all about it.

Which I think in one sense might make someone less apt to trust God. I mean, if he knew that all of this was going to happen, why didn't he stop it? He could have easily kept our first baby alive. He could have easily allowed Alicia to stay in for another 3 months so that she'd be full-term.

The truth is, I have no answers. I don't know why God took away our first kid. I don't know why Alicia came early. But what I believe is that the blessings God has in store for us outweigh the pain that we've suffered. The Bible describes God as a good father. I have to believe that as a good father, God would never inflict pain upon us unless there was a greater purpose and blessing in the end. I mean even me in my flawed nature would never purposefully hurt Alicia for the sake of hurting her. Would I allow her to experience some pain for the greater good, though? Yes. If I believe that the pain would bring about a greater blessing in the end, then yes, I would allow her to go through pain and discomfort. Case in point, her two surgeries.

All of this to say, God has a plan. And I believe Alicia really has a special purpose on this Earth, otherwise she wouldn't be here.

I mean some of will remember, she died! She stopped breathing and her heart stopped for several minutes and she was revived. This has to mean that God sent her back.

But the thing I need to remember is that I don't know how long I will have Alicia with us. Doctors haven't given us the "prepare your heart, she's very unstable" spiel in a long time. So I believe she'll be with us for a while. Even still, I need to cherish each day we have with her. Because truth is all too soon she will grow up and will be off to college and then not too long after that might even start her own family.

So while I do wish that time would speed up so that we could get her home sooner, I do need to remember that each day is precious. And being able to witness her growth and development is an amazing opportunity to cherish. =)

So for all of you parents out there, through all the screaming and wailing, nasty diaper changes, sleepless nights, let's encourage each other not to lose sight of how precious these days with our young children truly are.

As for Alicia, she's doing well. She's at 1422 grams as of last weighing and is now eating 25 grams. She's quite the feisty little girl and apparently loves getting attention and being clean.

She loves baths, hates dirty diapers, and loves to be coddle and cooed over. Hmm... =) A princess in the making?

Definitely very thankful for the progress she's making. Right now the major thing, well, I guess it's always been the major thing, is to get her breathing on her own. She can do that pretty well right now for a few hours at a time, but then she starts getting really short of breath. But now that she's considered "full-term", (she's 37 weeks and 3 days today) it should only be a short time until she can start really breathing without any assistance. Definitely something to pray towards and look forward to.

Pray for her eyes. Doctors say that she's recovered pretty well from the surgery. Her ROP is still at a stage 3. Which is kind of severe, but the doctors don't seem to worry. It seems like from what we gathered, they believe that since Alicia had the surgery, the ROP will take care of itself as she gets older. Pray that that is true.

Pray for her peace. For some reason she keeps getting worked up and she keeps somehow scooting her body forward until her head ends up off her little "towel mattress." She doesn't seem to mind it too much that her head is hanging off the mattress, but we'd still prefer it if she stayed in her bed.

I'll keep you guys posted as I get more updates from Linda. =) Thanks for reading and following along!

Love,
Campbell